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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27483856">if you fall, i will catch you (i’ll be waiting)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheryltonis/pseuds/cheryltonis'>cheryltonis</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Childhood Trauma, F/F, Found Family, Jamie is soft, Mild Sexual Content, dani escaped with flora, henry wingrave ain’t shit, i honestly don’t know what i’m doing here hello?, stan pun king owen, we’re just gonna pretend miles is kinda irrelevant sorry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:34:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>67,991</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27483856</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheryltonis/pseuds/cheryltonis</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“But just remember that she’ll be much better off if you take care of yourself too, yeah? And...if you ever feel like you can’t take care of her and yourself...you just let me know. I’ll be around...if you’ll have me.”</p><p>dani escapes bly manor that night with flora, unsure of what the following days will bring. but jamie is along for the ride regardless.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dani Clayton/Jamie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>142</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>654</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi idk what this is honestly i just know that the idea wouldn’t leave my head because i’m so soft over the concept. i make no promises that this will be good in any way, but enjoy anyway??</p><p>i’m not sure how often this will be updated. motivation for writing hasn’t really been in the cards for me lately despite all the free time i have in quarantine. so we’ll see where this goes, but if you decide to keep up with it, i appreciate your patience in advance.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The London hostel was quiet. Maybe too quiet for Dani’s liking. But after the night of screaming and crying, she savored the quiet moments. For once, she actually found it rather comforting. And Danielle Clayton wasn’t the type of person to ever feel comfort in silence. But despite current events, she allowed herself to find comfort in the small dormitory as she reclined back against the headboard. They were safe here. </p><p>It had been a complete blur, the past few hours. And to Dani it seemed like nothing but a horrible nightmare; A “screaming meemie”, as her mother used to call them, for some reason. But every time she convinced herself that a nightmare was all it was, the little girl asleep against her chest would flinch, whimpering quietly as she had nightmares of her own. </p><p>It was strange, really, seeing Flora so...regressed. At least in comparison to what she had grown used to. The eight year old was more mature and well-spoken than anyone her age. Even more than some adults. So wise beyond her years. It was like she was an adult in a child’s body. Then again, Dani remembered that at times, that was exactly the case. </p><p>From what Dani had gathered from her time in the attic just a few hours ago, Rebecca had been taking over Flora’s body, sending the girl into her own memories until she was allowed to be herself again, dazed and confused by what she had missed in her time ‘tucked away’. Miles was the same, albeit much more experienced with being...well, possessed. There really was no other word for it.</p><p>
  <em>God, Miles.</em>
</p><p>Dani brought a hand up to her forehead while the other stroked the messy french braid in Flora’s hair, lulling her back into a somewhat peaceful sleep. She probably missed her brother terribly. But Miles wasn’t himself. No, Peter Quint had taken complete advantage of the boy’s trust and admiration of him. And who knew if he would ever leave Miles to be himself again. Possessed or not, she felt awful for leaving him behind. She couldn’t even bring herself to imagine what was going on back at Bly Manor now. The way things were going when they left, it seemed as if everything were crumbling around them and no one was safe.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Earlier...</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>”Miles…?” Dani’s voice shook, sweat and tears dripping down her face as Flora untied her arms, staring at the ghost of the childrens’ previous au pair knelt beside her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rebecca’s face twisted with remorse. An expression that didn’t even need an explanation. “It’s too late,” she whispered anyway, sending the blonde’s heart plummeting into the pit of her stomach, “It’s too late, but not for her.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dani shook with adrenaline and fear, still confused about everything she’d just witnessed. What was she supposed to do?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Get her away from here,” Rebecca leaned in closer, sending a chill down Dani’s spine from the chill, “You get her as far away from this house as you possibly can.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Fear ran through her veins. Fear for Flora, fear for Miles, for herself, for everyone. It was like her ears filled with water and all she could hear was the sound of her own heart, thumping rapidly in her chest. But as Rebecca gently urged the little girl to untie her faster, Dani couldn’t even think to do anything but turn to the woman beside her, thanking her quietly as she gasped for air. For what, she wasn’t sure, but if she felt anything besides fear, it was gratitude.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Once untied, she scrambled to her feet, brushing damp, sweaty hair from her eyes as Flora said a quick goodbye to Rebecca, her heart breaking as the woman refused to let the child hug her or even touch her, knowing what would happen if she did.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Go,” the woman shooed them out, watching the new au pair and the little girl rush down the steps and out of the attic. Hopefully the last time she would see them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dani panted as quietly as she could, her whole body was sore and weak and god, her head was killing her, but she had a job to do. Their belongings didn’t matter to her right now. The only thing on her mind was getting out. And it killed her inside that Hannah was somewhere on the grounds with Miles, with <strong>Peter</strong>, unaware of the danger she was truly in.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Miss Clayton,” Flora whimpered, her voice trembling as she held tightly to Dani’s hand, “Miss Clayton, I don’t like this game. I want to stop playing now, please.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Just a little while longer, okay? We just have to keep playing a little bit longer,” Dani held onto her, helping her down the main foyer stairs as quickly and carefully as possible. She could feel her trembling through her pink pajamas.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What about Miles?” the eight year old cried fearfully as they reached the doors, still following her trusted au pair out into the night. It was late. They shouldn’t be out of their beds this late.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dani panted as she stumbled over the gravel, still keeping a tight hold on Flora’s hand. “It’s okay! It’s gonna be okay, we just gotta get out of here!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Where are we going?!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t know, anywhere! Anywhere!” the blonde answered her frantically, glancing around to find the way out, as if the layout of the grounds changed at night.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Miss Clayton, I’m scared,” Flora stood her ground, stopping Dani from running any farther. The gravel hurt under her bare feet and she just wanted to go back to her room, sleep, and wake up in the morning and forget any of this ever happened.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The au pair looked down at her before glancing around, ensuring that they were safe at least for the moment. “Hey, hey, it’s all gonna be fine. I just need you to trust me, okay? Can you do that?” she bent down to her level, brushing stray hairs from her little forehead as she tried to keep her trembling voice as calm as possible. The fear in Flora’s eyes broke Dani in half. This little girl had already been through too much at her young age, and it killed the blonde to ask her to follow her through what would end up being just another traumatic memory. “Look,” she glanced around once more, “I’m scared too. I’m terrified right now, Flora.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You are? But you’re not afraid of anything.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m afraid of lots of things. And I know you are too. But even though you get scared sometimes, you’re a lot braver than people think. Just like me. And I need you to be brave right now, okay? For me? Please? The sooner we get out of here, the sooner everything will be okay,” her voice was frantic and shaky with fear as she begged the girl to cooperate. And relief overcame her for the briefest moment when Flora nodded her head and wrapped her arms around her neck.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Releasing the breath she had been holding, Dani managed to even crack a small smile as she scooped the girl up into her arms, holding her tightly against her torso as she cradled the back of her head. Turning to face the path that lead to the gates.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Shit.</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“F-Flora?” Dani held her a bit tighter, keeping one hand protectively against the back of her head, “Close your eyes for me, okay? Don’t open them until I say it’s okay.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She stood in place, frozen in fear but practically vibrating in her sneakers as she kept her eyes glued to the sight in front of her.</em>
</p><p><em>It was a woman. Tall and slender, dripping wet in an old fashioned nightgown, walking barefoot up the muddy path coming towards the house. Coming towards <strong>them</strong>. And as frightening as the sight was, it only got scarier when she saw the lack of features on the woman’s face. Bare and emotionless like a mannequin.</em> </p><p>
  <em>“Are they closed?” her voice was quiet but brave as she held the small girl protectively, watching the woman stalk towards them at a hauntingly slow but steady pace.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Flora nodded against her neck, letting out a weak  “yes” before Dani started to run, to the side and through the grass, nearly slipping on the dewy blades under her feet. She tried her hardest not to look back, and she just prayed that Flora was keeping her eyes shut.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Despite the fact that she was losing all feeling in her legs, she ran, struggling with the girl against her chest as she tried to go as far as she could, just like Rebecca had told her. For Flora. It was her responsibility to keep her safe.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Darting around the small chapel beside the garden, Dani leaned against the stone wall, just before the corner, hoping with everything in her that she was clear to make a run for it. But even if it appeared clear, who’s to say that something unexpected wouldn’t happen. And she’d grown quite used to the unexpected around here.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Flora!?” Hannah’s panicked voice echoed through the grounds, getting Dani’s attention as she panted breathlessly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Mrs. Grose,” Flora whined quietly against her neck and held her tighter.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dani ‘shh’ed Flora quietly as the child shook in her arms, trying to be as comforting as possible. This was terrifying enough for herself, she couldn’t imagine being eight years old in a situation like this. Peeking around the corner of the chapel, her blue eyes widened as she saw the mysterious ghostly woman pass directly through Hannah and through the front doors, as if the housekeeper wasn’t even there, causing her to let out a gasp like the life had been sucked out of her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Terrified, the au pair ducked back behind the wall and closed her eyes only briefly, gulping down one big breath of air before running back onto the path. She couldn’t go back for Hannah, no matter how much she wanted to. And it broke her heart to leave the woman behind when she was in danger.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Keep your eyes closed, okay?” she breathed shakily as she ran, keeping Flora held tightly to her torso, using every muscle she could to keep her propped up in her arms. The little girl’s hot tears burned like fire against her skin, like she could feel every ounce of pain she had in her body in the tear tracks.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It seemed as though the gravel path would never end. Through the fog, she couldn’t even get a glimpse of the gates. And even after her own traumatic past experience, she’d never been more relieved to have two bright headlights shining in her eyes. Tears streamed down her own face as she ran impossibly faster, seeing the lights get bigger and brighter before tires squealed to a stop.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Dani?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Poppins?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Owen and Jamie revealed themselves simultaneously, sending a rush of relief through the au pair. Relief so strong that her knees gave out from underneath her. And she would have gone crashing to the ground if it weren’t for them approaching quickly to hold her up. But her grip on Flora was tight, that was the one thing she wouldn’t let falter.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What’s going on?” Owen’s brows knit together in confusion and concern, stepping back respectfully as Dani refused to let him relieve her of Flora’s weight in her tired arms.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Dani, hey…” Jamie’s raspy voice hit her ears next, making her limbs feel even more like jelly than they already were. As tense as she was right now, the gardener somehow still managed to have a calming effect on her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I-I-I ne-e-ed to get h-her out of h-here,” the blonde stammered, her own wide eyes staring into her green ones with an intensity that Jamie had never seen.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Owen, seeing the fear radiating off of Dani like a cloud of black smoke, ushered the au pair closer to the car, running a gentle hand over the crown of Flora’s head in the process. “Get them into the car,” he told the gardener firmly as he started to walk backwards up the gravel path, back towards the house, “I’m going to find Hannah and Miles.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No!” Dani cried out desperately, tearing herself from Jamie’s arms to turn and stop him, “No!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Go, Owen,” Hannah appeared suddenly beside them, a distant but comforting smile donned on her face as usual. Like she knew something was wrong, but she tried with all her might to not let it show.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The cook looked her up and down, confused but relieved by her sudden presence, ”H-Hannah? Where did you-“</em>
</p><p>
  <em>”Get them out of here,” Hannah said with determination and tension in her voice, ignoring the confused looks on all their faces. But she knew the dangers that lurked ahead, and as she always had, she wanted to protect them from it all. “Get in the car. Now,” she instructed the women, nodding in the direction of the still running car. And she watched as Jamie nodded and ushered the au pair into the back seat, sending her a small but grateful smile before the confused gardener joined them, closing the door behind her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>”But...but Miles-“ Owen muttered, glancing around for the little boy.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Miles isn’t himself. I’ll take care of him, just please, get them as far away from here as you can. Owen please.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What about...you?” he searched her eyes, desperate for an explanation as to what was going on. It didn’t seem he was going to get one. But he watched as Hannah slowly reached for his hand, holding it in her own before her skin blended into his as her hand passed through his as if it were nothing but air. And he wasn’t sure if the chill that ran down his spine was from her cold fingers or from the mixture of fear and realization that flowed through him in that moment. Hannah was…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I loved you completely, Owen Sharma,” she whispered, leaning forward to kiss his cheek, though he felt nothing but the icy cold, “Tell Flora I loved her as well. And Jamie. My, even Dani.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hannah…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Go. Please. For them. For me.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Glancing her up and down once more, Owen ran a hand over his facial hair, confused, frightened, heartbroken. A wave of emotions overtook him as he walked back to the car, turning his back to the housekeeper, but not without taking several glances back and staring at her form, her flawless skin glowing in the headlights as he took his place back behind the steering wheel.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Is she not coming?” Jamie asked with furrowed brows from the backseat where she sat with the shaken blonde and the youngest Wingrave sibling, trying to console them both. But Owen just stared ahead at the woman standing still and confident a few feet in front of the car. The woman he adored and cherished. Standing there before him, but gone all the same.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No,” he whispered gruffly as Hannah walked slowly through the trees that lined the gravel road, disappearing from his sight and seemingly from his life. And as he kept his tears at bay, he turned the car around, driving back towards the main gates without looking back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Shh, it’s okay, it’s gonna be okay,” Jamie ran a hand up and down the fuzzy sleeve of Dani’s sweater, attempting to keep her calm so she could do the same for the little girl in her lap. She didn’t know what happened that had them so shaken, or why they were leaving without Miles, Hannah, or anyone’s belongings, but questions could be asked later. Right now, calming them down was her main goal.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Miss Clayton, can I open my eyes now?” Flora’s voice trembled with fear and sadness, still holding onto her au pair as tightly as she was being held in return.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Y-yeah. Yeah,” Dani’s voice shook as her body practically vibrated in her seat, the terror from the last few hours still seeping through her veins. She hated that she couldn’t bring words of comfort to the little girl. It was a miracle that she could even get a single word out in the first place. But she calmed as they passed through the gates, driving off the grounds. Though, she couldn’t even bring herself to look back.</em>
</p><p>Owen had driven them to Jamie’s flat above the pub, dropping them off without much of a word. But that wasn’t far enough away. It was still in Bly, too close to the manor. Same with Owen’s house. They needed to go farther. And the saint that she was, the gardener had ushered Dani and Flora into her truck, driving for hours until she couldn’t anymore. </p><p>And now, hours later, the blonde had yet to let go of Flora, and vice versa. Her arms were exhausted, her legs were sore, but it was all worth it knowing that she had rescued her and kept her safe. </p><p>“Owen’s all right, though he hasn’t slept a wink. Can’t say I blame him,” Jamie came quietly through the door to the small dormitory, running a hand through her curly brown hair as the news she’d received through the pay phone in the hall still settled in the pit of her stomach. It was nearly two AM, but she had promised that she would call him from wherever they stopped. </p><p>“What did he say?” Dani watched as she removed her boots and came up to sit beside her. But Jamie just flicked her tongue over her lips, taking a deep breath as she looked at Flora. Asleep or not, she didn’t want to share Owen’s news where the girl could hear. </p><p>“I’ll explain it to you later,” she whispered with glassy eyes. But she managed to put aside her devastation for a moment to offer the blonde a comforting smile and a slow kiss to the side of her forehead, glad to see that it managed to make a hint of a smile appear on her flushed face. “You,” she leaned back, propped against the headboard, reaching out to brush a stiff strand of hair from Dani’s forehead, “Need to follow this little one’s lead and get some sleep.”</p><p>But Dani shook her head, turning to look at her as best she could to meet her eyes, “I-I don’t think I can. Plus, what if she wakes up, I can’t-“</p><p>“Poppins, exhaustion isn’t gonna do you any good. At least try to relax a bit...okay?”</p><p>Bloodshot blue eyes stared into hers as Dani sought out any form of comfort she could find in them. And seeing the fear behind the au pair’s eyes, Jamie propped herself up as best she could with the lumpy hostel pillows against the headboard before gently pulling Dani to lay back against her chest, wrapping an arm around her shoulders so she could run her arm over the fuzzy sleeve of her sweater again. She could feel Dani relax against her. Not completely, of course, as she was still incredibly shaken from whatever the hell went down tonight. Whatever it was, she was sure she would hear of it soon enough. But for now, she was just glad to just be there for her and for Flora. </p><p>“I know I talk a lot of shit, but...I’ve always had a soft spot for this one,” the gardener gently poked a playful finger against Flora’s shoulder blade, gentle enough to avoid waking her. “I’ll never forget when I found her...after what happened with Rebecca. She wasn’t crying or screaming, she was just...looking...out at the lake. Probably in shock. And she didn’t leave my side all day.” She trailed off a bit, swallowing thickly as she reached up to stroke Flora’s sandy colored hair. “It all brought me right back to that day I came home from school and found Mikey all by himself. Just that...overwhelming feeling that I needed to protect and take care of him.”</p><p>Dani took a deep breath as she let Jamie’s raspy voice cover her like a warm blanket, though her heart ached for her as she recalled her tragic backstory that she’d only just heard about for the first time the night before.</p><p>“Look, I don’t know what went on tonight. But I can understand how you feel. How you’re ready to risk anything and everything to keep her safe and protect her from all the bad shit in this world. And you’d take all the pain and trauma from her if you could just so she doesn’t have to carry it with her for the rest of her life.”</p><p>Nodding her head, the blonde wiped a few stray tears from her cheeks, trying to keep her composure. </p><p>“But just remember that she’ll be much better off if you take care of yourself too, yeah? And...if you ever feel like you can’t take care of her and yourself...you just let me know. I’ll be around...if you’ll have me.”</p><p>Dani’s heart ached in her chest at those words. She wasn’t sure how, but Jamie always seemed to know what to say. “I couldn’t ask you to do th-“</p><p>“You’re not getting rid of me that easy, Poppins. Nice try, though,” she could hear the smirk in her voice, which brought a blush to her cheeks and a small grin to her face as she nodded, wiping one last tear from her eyes as she turned back to face her.</p><p>“Thank you.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello again! if you’re here then hopefully you enjoyed the first chapter. and hopefully this one is okay too.</p><p>also thank you for the kind reviews!! they mean more than you know &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sleep didn’t come too easily for Dani that night. Then again, no sleep could ever compare the one she had the night before last, before everything went downhill. When it was just her, Jamie, and nothing but the chilly manor air between them. It was perfect. But last night, she was so worried about Flora, Miles and Hannah that even when she was exhausted, she fought the urge to sleep as best she could, worried that something bad would happen if she did. Or worse, if something happened to Flora if she took her eyes off of her for even a second. She’d never forgive herself. </p><p>
  <em>Flora…</em>
</p><p>She wasn’t sure if her whole body was numb from holding and carrying the little girl the whole night, but she couldn’t feel her anymore. Or Jamie, for that matter. Panicked, the blonde ripped her tired eyes open and sat up, ignoring the pain that shot through her body as she looked around the empty dormitory. </p><p>“Flora?!” she called out, tearing the covers off and rushing to the attached bathroom, unsure of where else the two others could be, “Jamie?!”</p><p>No sign of them anywhere. Someone had taken them, she was sure of it. She could feel the walls of the room getting smaller as her throat felt like it was closing up, tears springing to her already red and tired eyes. What was she supposed to do? </p><p>She was about to cross the room for her shoes when the door unlocked and opened with the sound of soft laughter, causing a surprised gasp to leave her lips as she backed herself into the nearest corner, frightened for some reason. And seeing Flora and Jamie come through the door didn’t immediately calm her nerves like it should have.</p><p>“You all right there, Poppins?” Jamie eyed her with concern, setting a brown paper bag down on the small table by the door. She flicked her eyes back and forth between the frightened woman in the corner and the little girl who was easing her arms out of the giant sleeves of her own oversized jacket. “Why don’t you get the breakfast table set, kid? Do the best you can with what we’ve got, all right?” she smiled down at Flora, who only nodded as she started to unpack the brown bag, allowing the gardener to cross the room to where Dani was still glued to the corner of the scratchy carpet.</p><p>“I-I’m s-sor-“ the trembling blonde attempted through a whisper and eyed the floor beside Jamie’s boots, unsure of why she couldn’t look at her. She was just panicking that she had left or been taken, she should have been relieved to see her. But she just couldn’t. Jamie shhed her gently and rubbed her arms over the sleeves of her sweater. Being able to feel her, knowing she was real, calmed Dani’s nerves a little. But coming down from an anxiety attack always took much longer than the rise of nerves and panic. “I-I thought you...Wh-where did you g-go?” she stammered, finally letting herself look into the green eyes that she’d come to adore over the past few weeks. </p><p>Jamie reached for her hands, attempting to stop them from shaking as she glanced at the nightstand where a little note was sitting right where she’d left it earlier this morning. “There’s a little cafe across the way. Flora was awake when I woke up, so I figured we’d go pick up some breakfast,” she explained, “I was hoping we’d make it back before you woke up.”</p><p>Dani just nodded, ducking her head again as Jamie squeezed her cold trembling hands in her warm ones. She always felt a little silly when she tried to come down from a fit like this, wondering why she got so worked up in the first place. But after the night they’d had, she felt that this one was pretty justified. And Jamie...she didn’t know how, but Jamie made it so much easier. The brunette just had a way with words, what to say and what not to say, as well as impeccable comedic timing when necessary. </p><p>“How is she?” she whispered, peeking over Jamie’s shoulder at Flora delicately setting the table with take-out containers and plastic silverware. Her voice was still a bit shaky from adrenaline, as well as the rest of her body.</p><p>Jamie looked back at the small girl, taking a deep breath before turning back to the worried au pair. “She won’t talk,” she whispered with a small sigh, “She seems fine, smiley and happy as if nothing’s wrong, but then you ask her a question and it’s...nothing. A nod or shake of the head at best. Caught her zoning out a few times too.”</p><p>Closing her eyes, Dani tried not to feel guilty. She knew going silent was a trauma response, though she had no idea why. All she knew was that sometimes it could last years. Days, at the very least, sometimes. But she didn’t know what she could have done differently to prevent it, if anything. She got her away from Bly. She did what she had to do to protect her, right? </p><p>“What are we gonna do, Jamie?” she whispered, bringing her bottom lip between her teeth, gnawing nervously at the plump, chapped skin. </p><p>“Hey, don’t overthink it, all right?” Jamie reached up to brush a few loose strands of blonde from her forehead, “One day at a time. One <em>step</em> at a time. We’ll get it all figured out.” </p><p>With a nod and a quiet “okay”, Dani leaned comfortably into Jamie’s warm embrace, letting the brunette’s warmth wash over her, allowing it to calm her down for the moment. “Thank you,” she whispered, pressing a small, subtle kiss to the top of Jamie’s shoulder before pulling back to give her the slightest of smiles, grateful to see it returned.</p><p>“Morning, sweet girl,” she made her voice as chipper as she could as she brushed past the gardener, keeping her fingers linked with hers until she was too far to keep hold of them. “You feel okay? Are you hurt anywhere?” she knelt beside the chair Flora was sitting in on her knees, her heart breaking when the little girl simply shook her head no. “Well, that’s good. Thank you for setting the table. I know this is, uh...a little different than what we’re used to, but we’re just…um-“</p><p>“We’re on an adventure, aren’t we?” Jamie chimed in, coming over to lift Flora up off the chair only to sit down and settle her in her lap instead, “And that’s the thing about adventures, right? You try new things and you wait to see what comes next.”</p><p>Dani stood up, watching as Jamie ran a hand comfortingly down the back of Flora’s braid, effortlessly slipping into the role of a protector, almost maternal. She knew deep down that no matter what, Jamie really did love Flora and Miles. She knew that no matter what kind of act she put on, the brunette cared much more deeply for people than she was willing to admit.</p><p>With a sigh, Dani stood back up straight, trying to ignore the pain in her head and the rest of her body as she sat in the chair across from the two and watched as Jamie helped Flora cut up the large waffle in her take-out container. It was hard to believe that this was the same Jamie that she heard making threats to kill Miles just a two weeks ago. </p><p>But it made so much more sense now, why Miles did the strange things he did and said the unusual things he said. It was Peter. It was Peter who tore up Jamie’s rose bushes. It was Peter who threw a temper tantrum at the dinner table over a glass of wine. But Dani held tight to the memories of Miles acting like a normal ten year old boy, saddened by his losses while still holding onto his innocence as best he could. That was Miles in his truest form.</p><p>“Whoa, whoa, I think that’s plenty,” Jamie’s chuckling voice broke Dani from her daze as she tried to stop Flora from drowning her waffle in maple syrup, “You’re gonna be wired later.”</p><p>Flora’s smile warmed the au pair’s heart. At least she could find the energy in her to smile. Dani was worried that Flora may never be happy again. Though, she would be the first to tell you that a smile doesn’t equate with true happiness. But even still, considering the circumstances, the little girl’s smile was still enough to light up the whole room.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>xxx</strong>
  </p>
</div>Hours passed like days.<p>Jamie left a while ago. She had offered to make the long drive back to Bly to meet up with Owen and collect their things, leaving Dani alone with Flora for the day. The blonde didn’t want her to go alone, but Jamie insisted. She had things to collect from home anyway. At least she didn’t plan on going back to the manor on her own. </p><p>In the time she was gone, Dani managed to get Flora to take a bath, though she only had her pink pajamas from the previous night to change back into. She gently combed through her damp hair with the tips of her fingers before braiding it back up again to prevent any tangles. And by 1:00 in the afternoon, the little girl was passed out for a much needed nap. Dani didn’t blame her. All they had in this little room was each other. Nothing to do, no TV to watch, no books to read or toys to play with. So Dani just talked to her and told her stories while she held her in her lap, lulling her to sleep. It was all she could do besides make up little games that didn’t require any talking on Flora’s part. </p><p>Laying the little girl down under the covers of the full sized mattress, the blonde ran a hand down her back comfortingly, making sure she was fast asleep before quietly leaving the room and making her way to the pay phone on the nearby wall. She needed to let Henry know about all of this. Though, it took everything she had not to cuss him out for his blatant negligence. What kind of uncle, or any kind of family member, would completely avoid two kids, knowing that they’re the only family they had? Especially after what they’d been through? </p><p>But she could hear the guilt in his tone when she told him what happened, retelling the story of the previous evening as best she could. It didn’t feel right to tell him the details over the phone. She figured telling him about the possession of his nephew and niece would be better said in person. Considering she still had a hard time believing it herself, she had a feeling that Henry wouldn’t quite believe it either. Especially not over the phone. </p><p>Dani wasn’t a vengeful person at all, but part of her really did want to see the pain in Henry’s eyes when she told him about the kids. She was sick and tired of him refusing to step up in their lives. They were his only family and vice versa. And now, as far as she knew, Flora was all alone.</p><p>“All that being said, I’ll be coming by your office tomorrow morning,” she said firmly, clutching her free hand in a fist by her side, “I’d rather tell you the rest in person, Mr. Wingrave.” </p><p><em>”Very well,”</em> he sighed into the receiver after a moment, <em>”But you’ll come alone. Don’t bring her here. Please.”</em></p><p>Why was this man so insistent on not seeing or speaking to his niece?</p><p>“Fine. I’ll...I’ll have Jamie look after her,” Dani shook her head and rolled her eyes, annoyed that she had to compromise with him. But if it made him cooperate, she’d play along. For now. </p><p>Saying her goodbyes, the blonde leaned her head against the box of the payphone, trying to keep her composure. Henry wanted nothing to do with Flora. And if the conversation she had with Miles on her second day of work was any indication, the kids were very aware of the fact that their uncle didn’t seem to care much about them. If he did, he had a funny way of showing it. </p><p>“Excuse me, can I use the uh-“</p><p>“Oh, I’m so sorry, go ahead,” Dani wiped at her eyes frantically before turning around and faking a smile to the stranger standing behind her, moving out of their way and back to her room. And with her back pressed to the inside of the door, all it took was one glance at Flora sleeping peacefully across the room to make the tears start to flow freely from her eyes once more. </p><p>She sank down to the floor, ducking her head against her knees, trying her hardest to keep quiet. But the sobs in her chest were stronger, hard to fight against. Her body shook with tremors as her tears fell against the khaki material of her pants. It took everything in her not to muffle a scream into her own arms. The fear, the frustration, the exhaustion, all of it was swirling around in her head, leaving no room for any kind of logical thinking. </p><p>A foreign weight on her arms made her flinch with a small gasp as she picked her head up to see Flora lifting her arms from around her knees, curling under them and into her lap. Dani felt her heart swell and break into a thousand tiny pieces as the girl wrapped her arms around her neck, her body tucked into the space between her au pair’s raised knees and chest as Dani hugged her back just as tight. </p><p>“I’m so sorry, Flora,” she whispered tearfully, holding the girl close to her. If only a tight hug could fix everything, then she would have had everything fixed by last night. Unfortunately for everyone, it didn’t work that way. And she hated not knowing what to do. “We’re gonna figure this out, okay? I promise.”</p><p>After what felt like hours curled up on the floor, Dani used all the strength she had to stand up and set Flora onto her feet, guiding her by the hand back to the bed so she could get more rest. It really was strange to see Flora acting her age, just being a child for once; A child that needed to be reassured and comforted. She just hated that she didn’t have all the answers to the questions that didn’t even need to be asked out loud.</p><p>“Get some rest, sweet girl. I’ll be right here,” she knelt beside the bed and brushed the wispy hairs back from her forehead, lulling her sleep rather quickly while she held her hand.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>xxx</strong>
  </p>
</div>Thankfully, drawing seemed to keep Flora occupied. She could scribble out her feelings or anything she wanted with the paper and pens they had gotten from the front desk. Jamie had left them some cash to get lunch from the same little cafe she’d picked up breakfast at this morning. It was a bit of a late lunch, considering how long Flora slept, but their schedule was all messed up right now anyways. As long as she ate, that’s what was important.<p>Around five pm, the door clicked open, signaling Jamie’s long-awaited return. The little girl and her au pair looked up from their drawings to see the brunette coming into the room with her arms full of bags and a small smile on her face. “Forgot how much I miss not having to deal with city traffic,” she mumbled sarcastically and hobbled forward.</p><p>“Hey,” Dani grinned, getting up to lighten the load in her arms, setting the bags down on the second bed, “How’d it go?”</p><p>The gardener just sighed and shook her head, “Packing was the easy part,” she sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose between her fingers before looking over at Flora who was coloring silently at the table. </p><p>“We can talk in the hall after she’s asleep for the night,” Dani whispered, reaching out to squeeze Jamie’s arm over her jacket, offering her a reassuring smile. “But...Miles...Hannah?”</p><p>The brunette just pursed her lips into a thin, straight line, shaking her head solemnly with no good news to bear. Dani could feel the lump of emotion rising in her throat as her eyes welled up with tears, assuming the worst. But she swallowed it down and squared up her shoulders. Not wanting to upset the little girl just across the room.</p><p>“We’ll sort it out, Poppins. What’dya say I bring up this last load of bags and I take you both out to have a proper dinner?” Jamie offered her a smile, subtly linking their fingers together where Flora couldn’t see even if she looked over at them. And it took more strength than Dani thought would be necessary to not lean in and capture those smirking lips in her own. After all they’d been through in the last 24 hours, she felt like she deserved some kind of award for being able to restrain herself, considering how irresistible she found the gardener to be. </p><p>“Okay,” a blush took over her cheeks as she nodded her head, attempting to hide her smitten smile, “We both had a pretty late lunch, so you have time to relax first. I really need a shower if you don’t mind keeping an eye on her. Not that you have to it’s just that I wanna make sure she’s looked after, I don’t want you to feel like-“</p><p>“Dani,” Jamie let out a whispered chuckle and brought a finger to the blonde’s rapidly moving lips, “It’s fine. Let me just go get the last of the bags from the truck and then you’re free to shower for a whole hour if you want. Okay?”</p><p>“I feel like I need at least <em>two</em> hours,” the blonde scratched at her arms under her plum colored sweater, suddenly very aware of the dried sweat that had been caked onto her skin all day.</p><p>“No offense, Poppins, but you might wanna go for three.”</p><p>Dani blushed heavily and averted her eyes with an embarrassed smile as Jamie chuckled, obviously teasing. And after a playful nudge from the blonde, the gardener turned around, ruffling Flora’s hair a bit on her way back out the door.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i have no plan for this tbh. no set storyline, no update schedule. i’m just writing. so yeah. we’ll see. also my twitter is @choniblopaz1 if you ever wanna come say hi :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>whoever is still reading this: hello i love you!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Dani asked as she tied her hair back in a blue scrunchie, watching Jamie set up a board game on the table with Flora. </p>
<p>“I think I can handle the rugrat for a few hours,” Jamie smirked and reached across the table to playfully ruffle Flora’s hair. Thankfully when the gardener had brought back some of everyone’s things the evening before, she made sure to include some of Flora’s toys to keep her occupied. Especially since neither of them were sure how much longer they would be in London, stuck in this hostel. </p>
<p>The blonde sighed a quick ‘okay’ and crossed the room, kneeling down beside the little girl who seemed determined to set up the game board perfectly. “I’ll be back in a little bit. Be good for Jamie, okay?” She smiled and kissed her small forehead after she received a nod in response, turning to Jamie and biting her lip. They hadn’t gotten a proper moment alone in a while, but they did manage to sneak into the hallway last night while Flora was asleep. But it was only so they could swap stories of the horrors that happened at the manor the other night. Jamie seemed ready to punch the nearest wall when Dani told her what Peter had done to Miles. And to Rebecca. </p>
<p><em>“Leave it to Peter fucking Quint to ruin every life he passes through,”</em> Jamie had clenched her jaw and shook her head. </p>
<p>Little did Dani know that Peter was responsible for Hannah’s death as well. And when Jamie told her what she had learned both from Owen and their venture back to the manor...well, she took it about as well as anyone would. </p>
<p><em>“And Miles is missing,”</em> Jamie had sighed, leaning against the wall, <em>“But knowing what I know now...it wouldn’t surprise me if Peter found a way to skip town.”</em></p>
<p>Dani didn’t want to believe it. Hannah was dead (and had been dead for a while, according to Jamie’s description of how she and Owen found her in the well). Miles was gone, completely taken over by Peter. And after seeing what she saw of him in the attic the other night, who knew what this man was capable of if he had the ability to leave the grounds. In Miles’s body, no less. </p>
<p>But as much as it hurt to hear, she took in all the information Jamie could offer, soaking it in like a sponge so she could retell it to Mr. Wingrave. She had to tell him as much as she could. The estate, the kids, the staff, they were all his responsibility. And he needed to deal with it all, even if it took all day for her to help him figure it out. </p>
<p>With a sigh, the blonde gave Jamie a half-hearted smile and stood up straight, taking in the gardener’s silent gaze of encouragement. Squaring up her shoulders with confidence, she brushed any lint off her sweater and said one last quick goodbye before stepping into the hall, fists clenched nervously by her sides as she started her walk.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>xxx</strong>
  </p>
</div>It didn’t take her too long to get to Henry’s office. She remembered the way. And thankfully, this time she’d worn proper walking shoes. She rehearsed everything she wanted to tell him in her head on the way, silently cursing herself for not writing it all down. She didn’t want to forget anything, and there was certainly a lot of information. Just from her own experience, let alone Jamie’s.<p>“I’m here to see Mr. Wingrave,” she approached the receptionist’s desk.</p>
<p>“Miss Clayton?” the woman looked up at her, a bit shocked to see her in person instead of just on the phone. It wasn’t that long ago that she was showing her into Henry’s office, surprised that someone had finally answered the advertisement, “Of course, does- does he know you’re-“</p>
<p>“I spoke with him on the phone yesterday afternoon and told him I’d be coming,” the inflection in her voice went up despite her trying her hardest to make her sentences come out as statements rather than questions.</p>
<p>“Oh, um...very well, he hadn’t...he hadn’t mentioned it. But his schedule is clear all morning,” the woman stood up and rounded the desk, urging Dani to follow.</p>
<p><em>“Of course,”</em> the blonde thought to herself. Somehow, it wasn’t surprising that Henry couldn’t be bothered to pencil her into his schedule. Whenever it came to Flora’s wellbeing, it really seemed like he couldn’t care less.</p>
<p>“Miss Clayton is here to see you,” the slender woman poked her head into Henry’s office before allowing Dani to step in, closing the door behind her. </p>
<p>“Something to drink?” Henry sighed without so much as a hello, getting up from his chair and making his way over to the mini bar in the corner. </p>
<p>
  <em>Keep your cool, Dani.</em>
</p>
<p>“Um...Your niece needs you and your nephew is in danger. Not to mention it’s ten in the morning. Is that little extra kick in your tea really necessary right now?” she asked through her teeth, unable to hold the comment back. Then again, she knew better than to try to stop an alcoholic from drinking. It had gotten her into quite a bit of trouble with her mother all through her childhood. </p>
<p>Henry turned around, nursing this teacup in his hand with a heavy sigh. “This is bound to be a stressful conversation, Miss Clayton. I’d rather we just get into it,” he sipped at his tea and rounded his desk to sit back down, “Go on, then.”</p>
<p>Dani just eyed him incredulously. How could he be so cold and distant? And so just...adamant on not caring? At this point, she was sure that she had more love for those kids in the tip of her pinky finger than he did in his whole body. </p>
<p>“Well, um...I-I supposed I’ll start with Miles. I told you he’d been acting strangely...several times, in fact, over the phone. And...I know it sounds crazy but...Peter Quint has been...possessing him. He wasn’t missing, Mr. Wingrave, he <em>died</em>. And now…” she ran a hand over the top of her head. Why did she start with Miles? “Now he’s missing, Peter. In Miles’s body. Owen already told the police and they have a search party out for him now.”</p>
<p>“Mr. Sharma told the police that Peter is...gallivanting about Bly in a ten year old’s body?”</p>
<p>“N-no, he doesn’t know that part...he just told them Miles is missing.”</p>
<p>She nearly saw red when Henry had the nerve to chuckle. “I know how it sounds, but I’m telling the truth. Peter also killed Hannah and Miss Jessel,” she tried her hardest to make sure her voice didn’t crack with the emotion that was bubbling up in her chest. “We can’t take Flora back to Bly it’s not safe for her there.”</p>
<p>He was still laughing. </p>
<p>“Quite the story you’ve spun, Miss Clayton,” he snickered, sipping at his tea again. “I know the children can be a handful at times, but with your classroom experience, I didn’t think you would crack under the pressure so quickly.”</p>
<p>Dani couldn’t help the tears that came to her eyes at that comment. He thought she was crazy. “Call Owen if you don’t believe me,” she pushed her tears of frustration back down, challenging him, “I’ll send Jamie over here to tell you. I’m telling the truth. What’s it gonna take for you to-“</p>
<p>“And what about Flora?”</p>
<p>“I...I told you over the phone that Jamie and I have been looking after her at the hostel not too far from here. She’s...she’s in shock, I think. She won’t speak to us. She seems...happy enough, I suppose. But...she’ll only answer yes or no questions. And I...I don’t know what to do,” she trailed off, getting a bit teary-eyed again, this time having to catch the stray droplets on her cheeks, “I was hoping to come here and have you take this as seriously as we all are. Me, Owen, Jamie, we’ve all been there for these kids over the past few-“</p>
<p>“Yes, I’m sure your two and a half weeks working at the manor have left quite an impact,” he sipped his tea after his sarcastic comment.</p>
<p>His words sunk into her skin, burning their way through to her bones like a flesh-eating acid. She knew this man was negligent for reasons she couldn’t imagine, but at this point, he was being just plain cruel. Sadistic, even, by her standards. </p>
<p>“At least I’ve been there,” her voice was low and serious as she glared at him. One flaw she had was constantly trying to read people. She was always trying to understand why they were the way they were. And Henry Wingrave was no exception. He was just the toughest egg she had ever tried to crack.</p>
<p>“Where have you been, Mr. Wingrave?” she continued, “Where were you when Flora was having nightmares? Or when she was inconsolable after waking up from a sleepwalking spell in the middle of the garden? Why are you perfectly fine with Miles wondering where you are and if you miss him or even <em>care</em> about him?”</p>
<p>Henry just stared at her, holding firmly to his cup as she kept going. </p>
<p>“Obviously you couldn’t care less that these kids are your only family. It’s clear that you’re content here in your office with nothing but your liquor to keep you company. But you are <em>their</em> only family. They’re just kids, they need you! And you keep pushing them away as if they mean nothing to you! Without you, all they have is each other. And now they don’t even have that. Flora is <em>alone</em>! Miles is gone! In every sense! How can you sit there and sip your tea as if everything’s okay?”</p>
<p>Wiping her tears again, Dani composed herself a bit, sitting up straighter in her seat as she waited for a response, just praying that it wasn’t some snide comment.</p>
<p>“Do you want the truth?” he sighed, setting his teacup down. </p>
<p>
  <em>No, lie to me.</em>
</p>
<p>“Please.”</p>
<p>“I avoid them...not by choice, as silly as that may sound,” he leaned forward in his chair, resting his arms on the desk as he stared at the Newton’s Cradle he kept on the edge, “My brother, Dominic, before he and Charlotte passed...in his own words, he banished me from their lives. From all of it.”</p>
<p>Dani quirked an eyebrow, her lips parting in confusion. But he continued before she could ask for an explanation. </p>
<p>“You see,” he released a long breath, “Not long before the accident, he found out that Flora...wasn’t his. Of course, it’s one thing to find out that your wife has been having an affair with your own brother, but to find out that your daughter isn’t even yours...I don’t blame him, to be honest.”</p>
<p>The blonde’s eyebrows nearly reached her hairline with how high they had raised in shock. A lot had happened over the past two days, but this was somehow still just as shocking as the ghosts and demon lake ladies. “Wh-“</p>
<p>“Obviously, he’s gone. He doesn’t quite have a say in what I do, but...it’s the least I can do to respect his wishes. If it weren’t for the children being in my legal custody by default, I would probably be even less involved than I am now,” he ran a hand through his hair, making it look slightly disheveled, “But it’s partially out of guilt. Well...mostly out of guilt. I can’t bear to see them. I don’t <em>deserve</em> to see them after the trouble I caused.”</p>
<p>He leaned back in his chair again, Dani watching his every move as she tried to understand and piece it all together. “Charlotte was...pregnant...with my child. Again. Not long after Flora’s sixth birthday. And after Dom found out the truth, she was determined to fix everything. And that meant...a trip to India, where word of her <em>procedure</em> would never reach anyone they knew. And, well...I’m sure you’ve been told the rest.”</p>
<p>He got up from his chair, taking his tea cup back to the mini bar for a refill, doubling up on the bourbon, Dani noticed. </p>
<p>“I’m...so sorry,” she muttered, watching him circle the desk again before sitting down, “But...Mr. Wingrave, if she’s your daughter…”</p>
<p>“I can’t. Even if I found myself fit to take care of her in any way besides financially, I can’t. Same with Miles. I can hardly stand the guilt that comes with even <em>thinking</em> about them, let alone seeing them in person...or speaking to them on the phone…”</p>
<p>“Well, you need to come up with a plan for them. Miles, once he’s found...something will need to be done about Peter. I don’t know how, but…” she shook her head, unsure of how to even finish that sentence, “And Flora, she needs you now more than ever.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure a nice boarding school will suit her just fine for the time being,” Henry sighed, “Of course, Miles, having been expelled from St. John’s, I’ll have to have Margot look into another one for him.”</p>
<p>Her jaw slacked at the comment. “You’re kidding,” her voice was barely above a whisper, “You want to send Flora to a boarding school? Instead of taking her in yourself? She’s your <em>daughter!</em>”</p>
<p>“I told you I <em>can’t!</em>” he snapped, his voice dripping with venom at the very suggestion, “She’d be much better off at a boarding school than with me. Even if I kept you on as her au pair, my home is no place for a child.”</p>
<p>She shook her head, unable to wrap her mind around this whole situation. </p>
<p>“You’re unbelievable.”</p>
<p>“It’s boarding school or an orphanage, Miss Clayton. I think we can both agree on a clear choice here. I don’t know what else you expect me to do. Unless you’d like me to sign the custody rights over to you so you can raise her on your own,” he rolled his eyes and sipped at his tea again, shaking his head at the idea.</p>
<p>Dani was silent for a few moments, swallowing the lump in her throat as her head swirled with what she wanted to say. She wanted to scream in his face. She wanted to storm out. Hell, she wanted to cut the brake cables in his car at this point. But every thought she had came back to Flora. Right now, she and Jamie were really all that little girl had. And she had to face the fact that she was more willing to step up and be there for her than her own father. </p>
<p>“Sure,” she clenched her jaw.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Sign her over, if it’s that easy for you. You won’t take her. And I will <em>not</em> let you send her away to deal with this on her own. Especially right now. It was bad enough that you sent Miles away to school instead of stepping up to be there for him when he needed you,” she crossed her arms over her chest defensively, staring him down with a fire in her eyes, “Words can’t even express how much I adore that girl. I’d walk through fire for her, Mr. Wingrave. And I just can’t believe that she’s <em>yours</em> and you’re willing to just send her away.”</p>
<p>Henry remained quiet, not making eye contact with her, which only spurred her on.</p>
<p>“So draw up the papers. Tell me where to sign. Because once my name is on that dotted line, I plan on making it my goal, my <em>fucking</em> life’s mission, to make sure that girl never feels unloved a day in her life. I’ll be there for every scraped knee, every nightmare, every little milestone that you were too cowardly to stick around for,” she got up out of her seat and collected her purse, ready to storm out in a fit of rage.</p>
<p>Her words were like a dagger through his heart. They reminded him so much of Dominic’s own words the last time he saw him. And he could feel the guilt start to rise in his chest once more at the memory. </p>
<p>“Miss Clayton…” his voice stopped her in her tracks just as she started for the door. She turned around slowly, her jaw and fists clenched in frustration as she watched him take a checkbook from one of his desk drawers, scribbling on one of the slips before handing it over to her. “Please take her to a proper hotel. She deserves at least that much. If you’re serious...I’ll be in touch about those papers.”</p>
<p>She searched his face, his eyes. For what, she wasn’t sure. Perhaps for insincerity, or maybe just a sign to let her know that this was all just a dream. </p>
<p>“I’m serious if you are, Mr. Wingrave. If you can live with yourself,” she swallowed thickly, taking a deep breath as she thought of what their exchange of words really meant. Flora would be <em>hers</em>. Hers to care for and look after in ways that stretched far beyond her job description as her au pair. </p>
<p>“I can’t,” he sighed, “Live with myself, I mean. But...I know I can’t either way. At least this way I’ll know she’s in good hands.” He waved the little slip of paper between his fingers at her once more, silently begging her to take it.</p>
<p>Dani took the check gingerly from his hands, her breath hitching in her throat at <em>£150,000</em> scribbled out in the little box. </p>
<p>He was really serious.</p>
<p>“Consider it severance pay to split between yourself and Miss Taylor,” he muttered, “Call me whenever you get relocated so I know where to reach you.”</p>
<p>The blonde’s heart was pounding in her chest. He was completely serious. And she had just agreed to become Flora’s legal guardian. This wasn’t how she imagined her weekend going. But she didn’t lie when she said she would walk through fire for Flora. This wasn’t the fire she had in mind, but she’d walk through it nonetheless. </p>
<p>“And Miles?”</p>
<p>He took a deep breath, “I’ll be in contact with Mr. Sharma later today about his severance. Depending on what happens if and when Miles is found...I’ll see to it that appropriate action is taken, whatever it may be.”</p>
<p>Dani looked at him intensely, wondering what he would do. She wasn’t expecting this conversation to end up this way, but here they were. All of this was the least he could do for his daughter and nephew, right? At least he was doing this much. “Thank you,” she mumbled, fidgeting with the check in her hands.</p>
<p>“And Miss Clayton,” he started again, “As you know, Flora is still under the impression that I’m just her uncle. I’d like to keep it that way. For now. When she’s old enough, she’ll learn the truth. Tell Miss Taylor and Mr. Sharma if you must. I know I don’t have the right to be asking any favors of you, but-“</p>
<p>“I won’t tell her,” she chimed, her voice still as serious as ever, “She deserves to know, but she needs to hear it from you.”</p>
<p>Nodding, Henry pursed his lips into a straight line, breathing deeply through his nose.</p>
<p>“Thank you...Mr. Wingrave,” she cleared her throat and straightened her posture, hoping to leave the office looking like she had more confidence than she felt within.</p>
<p>“Thank <em>you</em>,” she heard before she left the office and closed the door slowly behind her, pressing her back against the chilled wood as she tried to wrap her head around what had just happened.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>listen i don’t pretend to know what i’m writing about, let’s be honest. i just write what comes to mind. so if anything is false or unrealistic, just remember we’re talking about a show with tangible ghosts with no faces :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you all for the nice comments! I hope you had a nice and safe thanksgiving if you celebrate :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dani hesitated outside the door to their room. She took her time walking back from Henry’s office, though the fresh air didn’t do her as well as she had hoped. Her mind was just so foggy and frazzled at the same time. Part of her couldn’t even believe that the last few hours, the last few <em>days</em>, had been real. But no matter how many times she pinched herself, she never woke up. This was real. She’d made an agreement that would change her life for good. Not just her own but Flora’s as well. And Jamie’s, if she chose to stick around like she said she would. </p>
<p>No, she couldn’t ask that of Jamie. She had her own life to worry about, Dani didn’t want to drag her into this. It wasn’t fair. </p>
<p><em>“I also like my life the way it is. Nice and boring,”</em> the gardener’s words echoed in her mind. Even if Jamie had <em>nothing</em> going on, Dani wouldn’t feel right asking her to give up that boring life that she seemed so content with. </p>
<p>But either way, she had to find a way to tell her. </p>
<p>And Flora...The little girl couldn’t even tell them what she wanted for dinner, how was Dani supposed to ask her if she would be okay with this? Or how she felt about it all? She hated that Flora couldn’t seem to voice the obvious fears and concerns she had harboring in her little head. How was she supposed to move forward if she couldn’t even talk about how she was feeling now? Sure, there were times when aside from her lack of speaking, things seemed normal. But then Dani would catch her zoning out, staring at the wallpaper or out the window, lost in thought.</p>
<p>Swallowing down the lump in her throat, the blonde opened the door quietly, forcing a smile onto her face when she made eye contact with Jamie. The two were sitting cross-legged on the bed surrounded by paper dolls and other little toys.</p>
<p>“Hey, there she is,” the brunette grinned, watching as Flora scrambled off the bed to greet her au pair, “We’ve spent the past twenty minutes picking out the perfect outfit for your paper doppelgänger.”</p>
<p>Bending down, Dani’s fake smile turned a bit more sincere as Flora handed her the little woman made of cardstock. She had long blonde hair, blue eyes. And attached to her by little folded tabs was a purple sweater and a pair of blue jeans. “This is me?” she grinned, looking back up at the eight year old. As she expected, her response was a simple nod, but it was accompanied by a smile that made Dani forget about all her troubles for the moment.</p>
<p>“Well, she’s gorgeous. Thank you, Flora,” Dani squeezed the little girl’s shoulder gently, “I’m just gonna talk to Jamie in the hallway for a minute, okay? Why don’t you put your shoes on so we can all go out and get some lunch.”</p>
<p>The little girl with the bow in her hair spun around to do as she was told, seemingly without a care in the world. She was grateful that Flora was so well-behaved. It was nice to have her acting so calm during all of this, even though it wasn’t healthy for the little girl to keep all her feelings bottled up and stored away.</p>
<p>Jamie stood from the bed and crossed the room, taking one last look at Flora before the door was closed behind them. The hallway wasn’t exactly private, but it was apparently private enough for Dani to feel like she could loosen the strained hold inside her that kept her upright. Because if it weren’t for the gardener being there to catch her, she would have fallen straight to the floor. </p>
<p>“Oi, Dani...Dani, what’s wrong?” the brunette held her close, instinctively running a hand up and down her back, “What did Henry say?” Her voice was quiet, hoping that Flora couldn’t hear through the door. This place had thin enough walls, she doubted the doors were any better at blocking out noise. </p>
<p>“I...I…” the au pair stammered, trying her hardest to control her breathing as she felt like everything was closing in on her once more. The only anchor she had was Jamie, and she fisted the material of her flannel shirt tight enough to turn her knuckles white. “I may have done something really…<em>really</em> crazy,” she whispered breathlessly as she pulled back to meet concerned green eyes. </p>
<p>“...Do I need to find a spot to hide the body?” Jamie cocked an eyebrow at her, only half joking, considering she knew just how frustrated Dani was with Mr. Wingrave. But she relished the sound of the small burst of laughter that followed. She knew if there was one thing she was good at, it was making this woman laugh when she was upset. </p>
<p>“Seriously, Poppins, how crazy are we talking?” she asked with a warm smile, brushing a stray bit of blonde hair from her worried forehead. </p>
<p>“I, um…” the au pair licked her lips slowly, glancing down at their feet as she lowered her voice to something lower than a whisper, if possible, “I kind of...agreed to become Flora’s legal guardian.” She braced herself for an outrageous response. She expected Jamie to run and never look back, or at least go off on her for making such a dumb decision.</p>
<p>“Wow.”</p>
<p>“Yeah...I know. And I totally understand if that changes anything with whatever...whatever it was that you thought you signed up for here. I know it’s a lot,” Dani rambled on in a hushed tone, “I just...he won’t take her. He was gonna send her to boarding school. If not a boarding school, then an orphanage or foster care or <em>something</em>. I couldn’t let him do that. What good would that do her?”</p>
<p>“Can’t say I’m surprised,” Jamie sighed, keeping her voice low, “Disappointed, but not surprised. Especially considering she’s his own kid, you would think he’d be able to put the bottle down long enough to step up.”</p>
<p><em>That</em> was a surprise.</p>
<p>“Y-You know about-“</p>
<p>“He and Charlotte weren’t exactly subtle,” she rolled her eyes, “I only started working for the Wingraves when Flora was five. But to see the way he looked at that girl when he came around...you’d have to be a fuckin’ moron to not connect the dots. Seems the only person who didn’t catch on was Dominic. Not that I blame him. Sometimes you only see what you want to see. And when he looked at Flora, he saw her as his. There was no way she could be anyone else’s.”</p>
<p>Dani watched Jamie intently as she talked, unsure of what to say. She didn’t even notice she was holding tightly to her hands until someone walked by, causing her to quickly let them go before they saw. “She can’t know,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“I know. We’ve all kept our mouths shut about it over the years. Another few years won’t hurt,” the brunette shrugged with a bit of a smirk, “What else did he say? Did you mention Peter? And Hannah?”</p>
<p>Running a hand over the top of her head, Dani breathed in deeply, thinking back to their conversation. “I told him. He didn’t believe me at first...honestly, I’m still not sure if he does. He said he’ll deal with Miles. I dunno what that means exactly, but...oh, and he said he wants us to take Flora to an actual hotel until everything is figured out.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, and who’s gonna pay for that?” Jamie snorted, rolling her eyes with a shake of her head. But Dani pressed her lips tightly before digging into the pocket of her jeans, pulling out the check and handing it over to her. “Jesus!” her voice lost its hushed tone in that moment as she glanced over the check, gawking at the amount, “Is he for real?”</p>
<p>“I think he figures it’s the least he can do for her,” Dani sighed, putting the check back into her pocket, “Even though he just called it our severance pay.”</p>
<p>“Damn…”</p>
<p>“Yeah...I still don’t know what we’re gonna do, Jamie.”</p>
<p>“Hey, what’d I say, Poppins? One day at a time, remember?” </p>
<p>“Yeah. You’re right, I’m sorry,” the blonde shook her head, nibbling nervously on her bottom lip. </p>
<p>Jamie glanced around quickly, making sure they were alone in the hallway before taking her hand again, leaning forward to kiss her. It was brief, but it was their first actual kiss since that night, not counting all the forehead, cheek, and hand kisses that had been snuck around over the past two days. </p>
<p>“Let’s get to it, then. I’m starving.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>xxx</strong>
  </p>
</div>Their new location wasn’t far from the hostel. It was closer to Henry’s office, considering Dani assumed she would be making a few trips there. She had the money to get a ride now. Jamie could even drop her off in the truck, but she preferred to walk. It gave her some much-needed time to think.<p>It seemed like a palace in comparison to where they had been just that morning. There wasn’t a grand difference in the size of the room. It wasn’t a luxurious suite or anything, but the sink faucet didn’t leak and the carpet didn’t make the room smell like mildew. The pillows on the two beds weren’t lumpy and they even had a TV. And best of all, they served complimentary breakfast for guests down by the lobby. </p>
<p>Flora seemed to love their new little temporary abode. Jamie even jumped on one of the beds with her for a few bounces when they’d first entered the room, despite Dani’s lighthearted protests. This really was an adventure like the gardener had said. </p>
<p>But adventure or not, bedtimes didn’t change. Dani tried to keep as much routine in Flora’s schedule as she could. Wake up at seven, dressed and ready for the day by eight. They had meals at different times each day, but at least with the hotel’s breakfast service, they could set a time for that. If Flora was tired, she would nap after lunch. And following free time before and after dinner, bath time was at seven-thirty. Andif things all went according to schedule, the little girl would be out like a light by nine. </p>
<p>“You certainly like things your way don’t you?” Jamie teased, nudging Dani’s side as Flora brushed her teeth in the bathroom. The au pair had compromised and allowed the little girl to finish the episode of Strawberry Shortcake that was on TV before she took her bath for the night. It was only a few extra minutes. She wanted to keep a routine for Flora, but she wasn’t a total hardass. </p>
<p>“Not <em>my</em> way,” Dani rolled her eyes with a bit of a snorted laugh, helping Jamie sort their things into the dresser drawers, “Just a way that she’s familiar with. Kids need structure. Especially with things being as out of control as they are now.”</p>
<p>The brunette just grinned over at her as she folded up one of Flora’s cardigans, “I guess I can take your word for it.”</p>
<p>“Well, I <em>do</em> work with kids for a living,” Dani shrugged, a small smirk forming on her face. She was getting much more used to this playful banter with Jamie. It was new to her, honestly. Edmund didn’t tease, Edmund wasn’t funny. Edmund didn’t know how to distract her and lift her spirits when she was upset. But Jamie...even with her dry wit and sarcastic tone, she was able to tell when Dani needed a laugh to ease her nerves.</p>
<p>“And lucky us, Poppins, you’re pretty damn good at it,” she sent her a smile, holding her gaze. </p>
<p>Dani was transfixed by the green eyes, such a chilled color but still so warm and welcoming. Her own eyes worked their way down Jamie’s face, taking in every detail in the quiet moment. The light dusting of freckles on her cheeks, the gentle slope of her nose that lead to its petite peak, down to pink lips that were just as relaxed and inviting as the rest of her. </p>
<p>And in that moment, Dani started to see visions of herself waking up to those features that she adored, getting to spend hours of each day memorizing each freckle and birth mark that littered the gardener’s fair skin, counting each and every one. She dreamed of mornings spent at a little breakfast table with tea that Jamie made (because she claimed that Flora could probably make a better cup of tea than she can), chatting about their plans for the day before kisses goodbye were exchanged with the unsaid promise that they would be back together soon. </p>
<p>And if she were honest, she saw Flora there too. In whatever little fantasy world she’d made up on the fly in her mind, she saw the two of them seeing the little girl off to school, helping her with her homework and telling her stories at night to lull her to sleep. And for the first time since she’d spoken to Henry, the thought of it didn’t frighten her. It actually seemed...ideal. </p>
<p>A little tug on her sweater made her blink her eyes quickly as she came screeching back to reality. Jamie was backing away from her, clearing her throat as another tug on her sweater managed to bring her all the way back. “Hey!” she greeted with a bit too much enthusiasm, seeing Flora standing beside her with a curious expression on her face, “Let’s see those teeth.”</p>
<p>She flashed her own pearly smile, scrunching up her nose and giggling as Flora mirrored her silly face. “Ahh!” Her mouth opened wide before the eight year old copied her face once more with happy eyes that her au pair hoped would stay happy forever. “Hands?” she held her own hands out, smiling at the mirrored action from the little girl. “Good job.”</p>
<p>Running a hand down Flora’s french braid, Dani stood back up straight, biting her lip as she glanced back at Jamie, the warm smile on her lips hadn’t faltered. “Should we read a little more before bed?” she asked as she turned back to Flora, giggling at the excited nod she got, “Go get your book and hop in bed, I’ll be right there, okay?”</p>
<p>As Flora scampered to her little suitcase full of toys and books, the blonde looked back over at Jamie, an embarrassed flush covering her face, though she didn’t know why. Then again, staring at someone for god knows how long while you dream up a life with them was pretty embarrassing. </p>
<p>“Anything else you wanna put away for now?” Jamie cut through the silence, her raspy voice hushed to match the quiet of the night. Though, the city was still bustling with tourists outside their window. </p>
<p>Dani just shook her head, pressing her lips into a thin line. “That’s all of it, I think,” she sighed and glanced around the hotel room. “Thank you...for-“</p>
<p>The loud ringing of the telephone cut her off, nearly making her jump out of her skin. “That’s probably Henry,” she whispered under a sigh, crossing the room to answer the shrill ringing telephone between the two beds. “Hello?”</p>
<p><em>“Miss Clayton,”</em> Henry’s voice came through the receiver, <em>“I just wanted to give you an update since this morning. Are you available for a short chat?”</em></p>
<p>“Um…” she glanced at Flora who was thumbing through the pages of her big fairytale book, trying to find where they’d left off last night, “Y-yeah, um...can I call you back in like, five minutes? From the lobby?”</p>
<p><em>“Of course. You know my office number,”</em> he hung up before she could respond. But the au pair wasn’t too bothered by it. </p>
<p>She hung up the phone on the rotary cradle before walking back over to Jamie with desperation in her eyes. “Do you mind reading to Flora?” she whispered, getting close enough that any words exchanged were between only them, “Henry wants to ‘give me an update’. I don’t know if that means an update on where Miles is, or if it’s about what’s gonna happen with Flora…”</p>
<p>“I’ve got things covered here, Poppins. Don’t forget your key,” Jamie nodded, squeezing her upper arms supportively and brushed past her towards where Flora was waiting and ready for her bedtime story, “S’it all right if I read to you tonight, sprout? I’m sure Miss Clayton’s way better at it than I am, but I can give it a shot.”</p>
<p>The blonde watched Flora nod, slipping out of the room just as Jamie was climbing up to sit beside her on the bed. She managed to catch the woman’s eyes briefly before the door was closed, sending her a silent thank you before she made her way down to the lobby, fists clenched nervously by her sides.</p>
<p>“Do you have a phone I can use for a few minutes?” she approached the woman behind the counter with a kind smile and desperation in her eyes, “I would use the one in my room but my...my friend is trying to get the little girl we’re watching to sleep.”</p>
<p>“Sure, come on down this way,” the woman stood up and smoothed out her skirt, beckoning for Dani to follow her down the long counter to an empty spot of the long desk. “Just let me know when you’re finished,” she grinned and placed the bulky landline up on the counter so the blonde could reach. </p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Of course.”</p>
<p>Dani sent the woman a grateful smile as she made her way back down to her spot behind the lengthy counter. People here were much more helpful than at the hostel. But then again, you get the service you pay for. With a sigh, she picked up the phone and dialed Henry’s office number with shaky fingers, holding her breath while she waited for him to pick up.</p>
<p><em>“Wingrave,”</em> his voice was gruff through the crackly receiver. </p>
<p>“It’s Dani. I-I’m sorry, I didn’t want Flora to hear anyth-“</p>
<p>
  <em>“I understand.”</em>
</p>
<p>The silence that followed between them was awkward. To a point that Dani even felt the heat of embarrassment rise in her cheeks. “You, um...you said you had an update? Is it about Miles?”</p>
<p>
  <em>“Ah, no, not quite. I did get in touch with Mr. Sharma, however. He plans on keeping me updated if there’s any change.”</em>
</p>
<p>“Oh.” As of right now, she wasn’t sure whether to think that no news was good or bad. But she allowed herself to breathe a little easier.</p>
<p><em>“No, I called to let you know that I managed to obtain copies of Flora’s legal documents. Passport, birth certificate, just about everything you would need. And we should have the papers drawn up by Tuesday. I’ll call if I get them sooner, but if not, there’s no need to come by tomorrow.”</em> He sounded so solemn, like he was regretting every word he was saying. Dani knew this couldn’t have been easy for him. It wasn’t easy on anyone, but he was quite literally signing his child away into the care of someone else. </p>
<p>“Thank you, Mr. Wingrave.”</p>
<p><em>“Right,”</em> he sighed in her ear, <em>“How is she?”</em></p>
<p>She sighed once more, unsure of how to answer. “No real change. Aside from her not talking, I feel like she’s taking this…<em>too</em> well. She hasn’t cried, she’s been sleeping just fine…It’s just strange.”</p>
<p>
  <em>“After what you told me, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was in shock after it all.”</em>
</p>
<p>“Yeah. I’m just trying to keep her routine as normal as possible for now. Just so she has some semblance of normalcy, y’know? I don’t want things to feel crazier for her than they already are.”</p>
<p><em>“Of course...As I said before, I know she’s in good hands with you,”</em> Henry sighed into the phone again, sounding relieved, if anything. </p>
<p>“I appreciate that.”</p>
<p>A deafening silence lingered between them again as Dani leaned against the tall counter, her fists clenching with nerves, wondering what she should say. Or what he would say. </p>
<p>
  <em>“I suppose I’ll leave you to it. Thank you again, Miss Clayton. And give Miss Taylor my thanks as well, if you please. Have a good night.”</em>
</p>
<p>“I will. And you too,” she mumbled, glancing down at her shoes as she heard the click on the other end, signaling the end of the phone call. But she stayed where she was, leaned against the front desk with the phone against her ear, despite having no one to talk to or hear from. She hadn’t expected any of this to be easy, but she didn’t expect it to be so emotionally draining either. This certainly wasn’t what she was expecting to happen when she took this job in the first place. </p>
<p>Running a hand through her hair, Dani finally hung up the phone with a clearing of her throat, leaning over to place the landline on the other side of the desk as best she could. </p>
<p>“I’m all finished,” she slid down to the woman who had allowed her to use the phone, “Thank you so much.”</p>
<p>“My pleasure. Have a nice night,” the woman grinned back up at her.</p>
<p>Returning the sentiment, the au pair made her way back to the second floor and back into their room, quietly in case Flora was asleep. And it took everything she had in her to not audibly react to the sight that was waiting for her behind the door. She only wished she had her camera, because the sight of Flora sitting up but asleep against Jamie’s shoulder, and Jamie sleeping with her head lulled on top of Flora’s with the fairytale book open and forgotten in their laps was too precious to just be left as a memory in her own head.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>as usual, thank you for sticking with me through this! i appreciate each and every one of you &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oi, that’s playing dirty!” Jamie laughed loudly. She was starting to get dizzy from spinning in circles between Dani and Flora, playing a game that Dani had taught them both.</p>
<p><em>”How do you not know how to play monkey in the middle?”</em> the au pair had gaped at them, tossing a rubber ball between her own hands. </p>
<p>It had been a nice little day off from reality so far. Over breakfast, Jamie had brought up the idea of going to the park. Just the mention of it delighted Flora. The way her eyes lit up as she sat up a bit straighter, nodding her head in agreement that it would be a perfectly splendid idea, it was clear that it was something she wanted to do. The fresh air and sunshine would do them all some good. Especially Jamie. The woman was so used to being outside and working with the land, Dani knew she was going crazy being cooped up inside all the time. But she hid it well. </p>
<p>So after breakfast, the three of them made their way to a nearby park, stopping at a little toy store to get a ball and a kite on the way. Flora practically skipped between them, holding tightly to both their hands with a smile on her face as the two women exchanged glances over her head.</p>
<p>It was a beautiful day. A cloudless day with mildly warm weather was a rarity, according to Jamie; Not to be wasted. Which is exactly what the gardener had told her when she tried to stay behind. She wanted to wait by the phone in case Henry called. The paperwork could wait, but what if he had an update on Miles? She couldn’t miss that.</p>
<p>But the crushed look on Flora’s face when the au pair started to tell her that she wouldn’t be coming along was all Dani needed to switch up her priorities. Everything she was doing was for Flora’s happiness and well-being. Of course, she cared about Miles, but like Jamie had told her: waiting around for the phone to ring wasn’t going to do anyone any good. </p>
<p>So, now here they were, enjoying a beautiful sunny day in the lush green grass, feeding ducks by the pond, flying kites, and playing silly little ball games that Jamie was just no good at. </p>
<p>“You’re supposed to jump to try to catch it!” Dani cackled, throwing her head back as Jamie failed to catch the ball that went sailing over her head.</p>
<p>“I can’t very well catch anything when this one’s being a little cheater,” the brunette thumbed back to Flora, who was giggling so much her face was red. The eight year old had found a loophole in the game rules. She wasn’t quite tall enough to throw the ball over Jamie’s head, but nowhere in the rules did it say that she had to throw it over her head. She just had to make sure she didn’t get the ball at all. </p>
<p>“I mean, technically, I didn’t say she couldn’t run around you to bring the ball directly to me,” the au pair shrugged.</p>
<p>“You said it’s called ‘monkey in the middle’!” Jamie fought back playfully, “There’s no ‘middle’ if you’re both over there in cahoots against me!”</p>
<p>Dani just chuckled and stuck her tongue out at her, laughing when she got the same gesture in return, “Don’t be such a sore loser.” She smirked to herself and pretended to throw the ball into the air, tricking Jamie into reaching up for it before she quickly rolled it across the grass to Flora instead.</p>
<p>“Dani!” she screeched.The au pair couldn’t even remember the last time she’d laughed this hard. “Come on, I’ve been in the bloody middle ten times longer than either of you were.”</p>
<p>Dani caught her eyes, glad to see that even though she was clearly losing at the game, Jamie was having just as much fun as she and Flora were. The eight year old stuck her tongue out through the side of her lips, determination on her face before she held the ball tight, starting to run towards Dani as fast as she could. But, unfortunately for her, Jamie was quick on her feet this time around, catching her around the waist with a playful growl as the little girl shrieked with laughter. It may nog have been words, but it was the most they’d heard of her voice in days, and it was the most beautiful sound. </p>
<p>“Gotcha! Gimme that, you little punk and get in the middle,” Jamie ruffled her hair playfully, taking the ball from her before they went to switch places.</p>
<p>“Actually, can we take a break? I think we should talk,” Dani’s smile faded slightly as her hands started to fidget with nerves.</p>
<p>“Oh come on, I just got out!”</p>
<p>“It’s <em>important</em>,” the blonde felt a chuckle bubble up from her chest, shaking her head at Jamie’s whining. Between this and them jumping on the hotel bed yesterday, she was starting to think that she’d agreed to take on two children again instead of just one. “Come on,” she reached for Flora’s hand, picking up their kite with the other while Jamie held onto the ball. </p>
<p>She lead them to the nearest empty bench by the pond, but she didn’t speak much once they were all seated. She hadn’t really thought about what to say. She just knew that she needed to bite the bullet and tell Flora what was going on. Before she signed any papers, she needed to know that the little girl was going to be okay with this. </p>
<p>“Flora...we, um...we’ve had a fun few days, right?” she started with a shaky voice, watching the eight year old nod her head with a curious look on her face, “I know things have been scary and confusing lately, but we’re gonna get everything figured out as soon as we can...okay?”</p>
<p>Flora nodded again before glancing out at the pond, distracted by the ducks. The blonde took that time to look to Jamie for help, unsure of how to approach the question she knew had to be asked. </p>
<p>“You like hanging out with us, right, sprout?” the brunette stepped in much to Dani’s relief. Jamie was much better with words than she was. Not only that, but she was much more level headed just about all the time.</p>
<p>Flora nodded again, looking up at the second woman, obviously confused.</p>
<p>“Well…” Jamie glanced back at Dani for help this time, for once, the one who wasn’t sure what to say.</p>
<p>“H-how would you, uh...how would you like to stay with me for a while?” Dani stammered, not realizing that the two letter word had hit Jamie like a punch in the gut, “We can stay in the hotel until we figure something out. We’ve got a few months until school starts back up. A-and maybe...maybe Jamie can hang out with us every now and then?” She had her eyes locked so tightly on Flora’s she hardly noticed Jamie shifting uncomfortably in her seat. “Does that sound okay? Something you might wanna do? You and me?” </p>
<p>There was a moment between Dani’s question and Flora’s response that seemed to stretch into what felt like a lifetime to the blonde. But once the little girl nodded, she felt the ice block of tension in her chest melt away into a puddle of relief as she sighed, smoothing Flora’s hair down and pulling her into a tight hug. Everything was gonna be okay.  </p>
<p>But looking over the bow in Flora’s hair to meet Jamie’s eyes made her uneasy all over again as the brunette’s demeanor had changed so much over the last minute. She was stiff. She was smiling, but it was tight, clenched and insincere. At least with her, it was. The warm, inviting smile Dani was used to now suddenly seemed to be reserved for Flora only. And she knew why.</p>
<p>“Right. We should probably go get some lunch about now, what do you think?” Jamie directed her question towards Flora, “You work up an appetite with all that cheating you did?”</p>
<p>Flora smiled proudly and nodded her head, already hopping up from the bench before the adults followed her lead. </p>
<p>“Here,” Jamie lifted her up to stand on the bench and turned around, letting the little girl jump on her back for a piggyback ride, “All good?” Flora nodded with a small giggle into the curve of her neck.</p>
<p>Dani smiled a little and grabbed the ball from off the bench, standing awkwardly in place before Jamie turned to her, squinting in the sun. </p>
<p>“Ready?” </p>
<p>The au pair just offered a small curve of her lips and the slightest nod before starting to walk towards the cobblestone path. At least her mind was at ease with Flora. Now she had to find a way to fix this new mess she’d made with Jamie.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>xxx</strong>
  </p>
</div>“I think she’s in a food coma.”<p>“Unsurprising, considering she had about fifty of those chicken nuggets,” Jamie shrugged, “The sunshine probably played a part in it, as well. Poor thing has hardly seen daylight or had space to run around in days.”</p>
<p>Dani chuckled quietly as they walked down the street. Flora was slumped over Jamie’s back, somehow sleeping peacefully against her shoulder despite the noise of the bustling city around them. “I just can’t believe she’s never had McDonald’s before. It’s so popular with the kids back home, they even have their birthday parties there.”</p>
<p>“Probably the most American thing I’ve heard to date,” the brunette smirked as they kept on down the sidewalk. The hotel wasn’t much farther. </p>
<p>Dani couldn’t tell how to judge the air between them. She could tell that Jamie’s mood had shifted since their conversation with Flora in the park. The gardener had gone from playful and fun to rather quiet and distant. Thankfully she wasn’t like Dani’s own mother. Karen Clayton had a habit of dishing out the silent treatment to anyone who so much as looked at her the wrong way. Jamie wasn’t immature like that. </p>
<p>“Are you, um...a-are you okay to take her upstairs while I check for messages?” the au pair asked awkwardly as they approached the revolving doors of the hotel.</p>
<p>“Think I can manage,” Jamie nodded curtly with her lips pressed into a thin line, heading straight for the elevators after Dani handed her one of their room keys. </p>
<p>Standing in place in the middle of the lobby, the blonde watched her go, nibbling on her bottom lip. They had to talk. She knew what she had said wrong in that conversation at the park, but she had a reason for it. And she had to mentally prepare herself for how to explain it to Jamie. </p>
<p>Looking down at the cuffs of her jeans, Dani took a deep breath before making her way to the front desk, waiting patiently in line to speak to someone. She hoped that Henry hadn’t called, only because she would feel awful for missing it. </p>
<p>“Next in line, please!” the man behind the desk called out, greeting her with a friendly smile as she approached.</p>
<p>“Hi, has room 219 had any messages?” she asked politely, a bit of hope shining in her eyes even though she was praying for a no.</p>
<p>The man backed away from the counter, telling her that he was going to check. But it didn’t take long for him to come back with no messages to deliver, easing her mind.</p>
<p>“Thank you so much, have a good day,” she gave him a slight wave and a polite smile before walking to the elevators, trying to use what little time she had to gather her thoughts and piece together what she wanted to say to Jamie once she got upstairs. </p>
<p>All she wanted was for everything to be okay. She wanted all of the questions in her head answered. All these complications, she wanted them sorted out. She wanted Flora to be okay, she wanted Miles to be found, she wanted Jamie to understand why she said what she said. And as much as she wanted to repeat Jamie’s mantra of “one day at a time” to herself, she just couldn’t. It was part of the problem. </p>
<p>Unlocking the door as quietly as she could, Dani smiled at the sight of Flora sleeping soundly in one of the beds. But her smile faltered a bit when she saw Jamie staring at her from her perch on the edge of the other.</p>
<p>“Come on,” the gardener mumbled as she got up, taking Dani’s hand to pull her into the bathroom. It made Dani’s heart race just like the night Jamie pulled her out of the kitchen, helped her into her coat and lead her outside to her own little secret spot on the grounds of the manor. A part of her would give anything to go back to that night. </p>
<p>With the bathroom door closed behind them, Jamie took a seat on the edge of the bathtub, leaning her elbows down on her knees before glancing up at her expectantly, “You wanna start or should I?”</p>
<p>The au pair’s mouth opened and closed with each word she tried to start with. But she couldn’t even find a single vowel to open with.</p>
<p>“All right, I’ll start,” Jamie nodded, sitting up a little straighter, “I’m not gonna lie to you, Poppins, my feelings are hurt.”</p>
<p>Already, it felt like a sword through Dani’s gut.</p>
<p>“I thought…I thought we were in this together. I told you I’d be here for Flora, and for you. And then suddenly it’s like you’ve cut me out of the whole equation.”</p>
<p>“Jamie-“</p>
<p>“We were having a great day. We’ve <em>been</em> having pretty great days, Dani, so I don’t know what went wrong or what changed to make you decide that you don’t want me to be involved like I said I would be.”</p>
<p>“It’s not like that, Jamie.”</p>
<p>“What’s it like, then? Do you not want me around?”</p>
<p>“Of course I do!” Dani’s voice cracked, trying to keep as quiet as she could. The walls were thicker in this hotel, but they weren’t soundproof.</p>
<p>“Then why did you tell Flora that I’d just come hang out every now and then?”</p>
<p>Silence sat between them as a tear slipped from blue eyes.</p>
<p>“There’s a few reasons,” her voice was thick as her eyes welled up more. She hated crying. Even more, she hated crying in front of Jamie. “I don’t...I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this.”</p>
<p>“I don’t-“</p>
<p>“Let me finish...please,” Dani sighed, wiping her eyes and looking up at the ceiling, “Less than a week ago, you were telling me that you were hesitant just to get involved with <em>me</em>. This...this is like a whole other ball park, Jamie. We haven’t even been on a date yet. I’ve known you for like, three weeks. This would be us taking care of a <em>kid</em> together. A traumatized kid who’s pretty much lost her entire family in less than three years.”</p>
<p>She could see the hurt in the brunette’s eyes through her own bleary vision and it just made the next part even harder to say. </p>
<p>“She can’t lose anyone else,” she whispered, crossing her arms over her chest and shaking her head, “I’m...scared...that down the line you’ll realize that it was all a mistake.”</p>
<p>Jamie was quiet, still waiting for her to finish.</p>
<p>“You say ‘one day at a time’ now, but...I just can’t let that apply to her,” she sniffled, starting to lose control of the tears that were now flowing freely from her eyes as she watched Jamie stand up, “But I also don’t want you to feel trapped. It’s not fair to you. I can’t-“</p>
<p>Warm lips and the taste of salty tears filled her senses as she melted into the sudden kiss. Trembling fingers held the sides of her face with gentle thumbs wiping her tears away. For the moment, every problem she had didn’t seem so terrible. All her cares melted away as she pulled Jamie closer, letting out a breathless whimper of contentment into her mouth.</p>
<p>She was grateful that reality didn’t come crashing back into her mind so soon after they separated. It didn’t because Jamie was still there. Thumbs still caressed the damp apples of her cheeks as Dani held tightly to the flannel that covered the woman’s shoulders. </p>
<p>“You, Dani Clayton, are insane if you think I’m the type of person to do something just because someone else wants me to,” the gardener whispered with a slight sniffle of her own as she held the crumpled blonde in her arms, leaving soft pecks around her blotchy pink face. </p>
<p>But Dani just shook her head and pulled back, already missing the warmth of having her so close, “I’m serious, Jamie.”</p>
<p>“So am I,” she held her arms out a bit, as if she were exposing her soul, daring the au pair to search her for any signs of insincerity, “Dani...I’m not still here just to be nice. I’m not still here because I feel like I have to be. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about you, aside from the fact that you wear a ridiculous amount of purple, it’s that you can handle yourself. Knew that from the minute I saw those kids <em>actually</em> doing yard work. I thought, ‘if this woman can get these kids to take a punishment, there isn’t anything she can’t do’.”</p>
<p>The blonde licked her lips and lifted her glassy eyes to meet hers, wrapping her arms around herself.</p>
<p>“Look, this is scary. I know it is. But I’m not here because I feel like you can’t do it alone. I know you could. You’d find a way, because that’s what you do. That’s just the kind of person you are. Especially when it comes to these kids,” she sighed as Dani nodded a bit in agreement.</p>
<p>“When I say ‘one day at a time’, Dani, I mean there’s no need to worry about what we’ll eat for lunch tomorrow, or where we’re going to be come next year,” she stepped closer, trying to catch her gaze, “We’ll figure that shit out when the time comes. It doesn’t mean ‘I’m here today, but we’ll see, I might feel like fucking off back to my shitty flat in Bly tomorrow’.”</p>
<p>“I just...from what you told me the other night...I know you’ve already had to step up as a parent to someone before. I-I didn’t want-“</p>
<p>“Yeah, but if you remember that, you should also remember that I know a thing or two about being ditched as a kid by the people who are supposed to be looking after you. I’d never do that to her.”</p>
<p>The au pair cringed and buried her face in her hands, feeling her whole body filling up with shame and guilt. She knew that. She knew about Jamie’s past and what had happened with her parents. To say that she felt like an asshole for insinuating that Jamie would ever do the same to Flora would be an enormous understatement. </p>
<p>“I’m so sorry, oh my god,” her voice was muffled by her palms, “I shouldn’t have said that. Especially after-“</p>
<p>“S’all right. Just don’t do it again,” Jamie teased her with a bit of a smirk, “I mean it, though, Poppins. I’m here cause I wanna be.”</p>
<p>“What if it gets to be too much?”</p>
<p>“Then we’ll work something out. But I’m not gonna walk out on that kid. Like you said, she can’t lose anyone else.”</p>
<p>A warm, grateful smile spread on the blonde’s face, though, she still felt silly for even thinking that Jamie was only sticking around out of pity. </p>
<p>“Now, if you were asking me to take in a stray cat with you, that would be a different story. I’d be out of here in a heartbeat,” the brunette leaned cooley against the wall with a playful grin. </p>
<p>A flush came over Danis face as she wiped the last of her tears away with a slight chuckle, “You don’t like cats?”</p>
<p>“Hate’em. Always have.”</p>
<p>“I’ll keep that in mind.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>anyone who is knowledgeable about the law, look away. i’m just trying to make them moms don’t come for me for being extremely incorrect in how literally anything works.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Miles?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Flora glanced around the empty grounds of the manor in search of her brother. It was dark and foggy, making it nearly impossible to see more than two feet in front of her. The gravel stung as it dug into the soles of her bare feet and she was freezing, dripping wet from head to toe.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Flora!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>That voice sounded familiar. It was Miles. He was back!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Miles!” she called out, “Miles, where are you?!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Step by step, she tried to run towards his voice. He was calling out for her, but the voice sounded farther and farther away with each painful step she took. “Miles?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Flora.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He was right behind her. Finally, she’d found him! But turning around, she saw no one but Peter, towering over her from even a few feet away with that look on his face. The look he got whenever something bad happened. The same look he had on his face that night that everything went wrong.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Her breathing picked up as it clouded in front of her in the chilly night air. She was too scared to move.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I don’t like this game!” she yelled, covering her eyes with her cold wet hands, “I don’t like this game! I don’t like this game!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Flora,” Miles’s voice echoed in her ears again, “Flora, it’s me.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She peeked through her fingers, innocently hoping that it was true; That it was really Miles. And this time, it was. He was there, right in front of her. Not Peter. Her dearest brother, her closest friend in the world was there with her again. She wanted to run to him, hug him tight and never let him go. But now, she was stuck. She couldn’t move. It was like her feet were glued to the gravel, making it impossible for her to move an inch.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Mi-“ she looked up from her stuck feet and screamed as loud as she ever had. She was back. The lady in the lake was back and she was dragging Miles along with her. “Miles!!” she shouted, fighting against the force that kept her glued to her spot with all her might. But she couldn’t move. She couldn’t do anything to help him. All she could do was watch him get dragged away into the fog.</em>
</p>
<p>Jolting awake, the eight year old gasped, sitting up in the dark hotel room. It didn’t take long for her eyes to adjust to the darkness and remember where she was. She was with Miss Clayton and Jamie, safe and sound in London. But even if she was safe, Miles wasn’t. He was tucked away in a warm, safe memory, but the rest of him could have been anywhere. She didn’t like Peter’s jailbreak game. She wished they’d never played it at all. </p>
<p>Trembling, Flora glanced around the room, her mind being put a little more at ease when she saw Jamie and Miss Clayton sleeping soundly in the next bed over. Maybe it was a bit silly, but she didn’t want to be alone. Not after a nightmare like that.</p>
<p>She climbed down to the floor, fixing her pink pajama top from where it had twisted around her waist before tip-toeing across the small space that separated the two beds. “Miss Clayton,” she whispered, shaking the blonde’s arm gently, “Miss Clayton, wake up...please.”</p>
<p>Dani stirred, lifting her head and blinking her eyes open. “Flora?” her eyebrows knit together as she wiped the side of her mouth on the back of her hand, “What are you-“</p>
<p>“I had a terrible dream,” she whispered, her eyes welling up at the memory of it.</p>
<p>“You’re…” </p>
<p><em>’Talking’</em>, Dani wanted to say. But she didn’t mention it, not wanting to make a big deal out of it, just in case Flora slipped back into the habit. “Do you wanna talk about it?” she whispered instead, propping herself up on her elbow. But Flora just shook her head, her face twisting a bit with sadness as she tried not to cry. And it broke the au pair’s heart in half. </p>
<p>“Come on, sweet girl,” she sighed, sitting up and lifting the eight year old up and into the bed, gently plopping her down between herself and Jamie, who was still sound asleep. “Whatever it was, it’s gone now. Dreams can’t hurt you, no matter how scary. And you know what else?”</p>
<p>Flora just glanced up at her, sniffling a bit as Dani pulled the comforter up to her shoulders.</p>
<p>“It’s okay to cry, too. I know you’re a big girl, but even big girls cry,” she looked down at her sympathetically, brushing wispy hairs from her forehead before smirking, “I happen to know for a fact that Jamie cries all the time.”</p>
<p>“Only to keep the plants watered when I’m too lazy to refill the can,” Jamie grumbled from beside them as she turned over, joining the conversation, “What’s all this, then?”</p>
<p>“Nightmare,” Dani explained with a half smile as she got comfortable under the covers again.</p>
<p>Jamie glanced down at Flora who was wiping her eyes with the backs of her hands, “Need me to fight someone off for ya, kid? Boogeyman’s pretty afraid of me, I’ll have you know.”</p>
<p>“Peter,” Flora mumbled, not noticing Jamie’s stunned face after she spoke. </p>
<p>The gardener glanced up at Dani, shock written all over her face. But she understood the silent message that the blonde sent back to her, wordlessly begging her not to say anything about it. </p>
<p>“Done. Trust me, I’d love nothing more,” Jamie rolled her eyes and settled back onto her pillow, her eyes flicking back and forth between the woman across from her and the child sandwiched between them.</p>
<p>“Jamie...Miles didn’t rip up your garden, you know,” Flora looked over at her, her eyes wide with innocence, though they still held so much pain. This girl had seen too much, and it reminded Jamie so much of herself at that age.</p>
<p>The gardener just offered her a slight smile, nodding her head as she reached over to rub her arm reassuringly, “I know.” She didn’t know then, but she knew now. </p>
<p>Dani watched their little exchange with her lip caught between her teeth, letting the feeling sink in that this was her life now. Tomorrow, it would be official. This was exactly what she signed up for when she walked out of Henry’s office with that check in her hand. But so far, it wasn’t nearly as scary as she thought it would be. Especially not when she had company.</p>
<p>“Well, we should sleep,” Jamie sighed, getting comfortable again in her new limited space, “Another big day of adventure tomorrow, right?”</p>
<p>Flora nodded and did the same, making a cozy little nest for herself between the two, feeling safer than she had since before her mother died. And she liked feeling safe and looked after. What child wouldn’t?</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>xxx</strong>
  </p>
</div>“What do you expect us to do with her? Leave her at the hotel?” Dani snapped a bit into the phone, sitting on the edge of the bed. Jamie had taken Flora downstairs for breakfast, but Dani wanted to check in with Henry, so she told them to go ahead without her.<p><em>“Well, can’t you and Miss Taylor switch off? You come to the office, get your part done, then send her once you get back to the hotel?”</em> Henry sighed into her ear through the phone, clearly stressed ever since Dani mentioned that they would be bringing Flora with them to his building. </p>
<p>“No...Mr. Wingrave, we won’t bring her into your office, but we can’t just leave her on her own,” she ran a hand through her blow dried hair, attempting to keep some of the volume before it went flat, “I know you feel guilty, but she’s a little girl, not a piranha.”</p>
<p>
  <em>“Miss Clayton, I hope you’re not insinuating that I’m afraid of an eight year old girl.”</em>
</p>
<p>“Not <em>afraid</em> of her, but…”</p>
<p><em>“Bring her along, then,”</em> he sighed, defeated, <em>“But she stays outside my office. I’ll have Margot look after her for the time, if I must.”</em></p>
<p>The au pair rolled her eyes, annoyed by this man who was so obviously afraid to own up to his own mistakes that he was scared to have a <em>child</em> in the same vicinity as him. “Fine. We’ll be there by eleven,” she muttered into the phone, saying her goodbyes before hanging up and falling back against the mattress in frustration. </p>
<p>She wanted to sympathize with Henry, but she just couldn’t understand how he could be the way he was. Dani knew about guilt. It certainly wasn’t a foreign concept to her. But Flora was just a kid. She couldn’t imagine letting guilt get in the way of her relationship with a child. Especially her own. But after today, it would be over. Flora would be in her care. And even though she didn’t have a solid plan, Dani knew one thing was for sure: Flora would never feel like she wasn’t wanted.</p>
<p>With a sigh, she pushed herself up off the mattress and slid on one of her nicer pairs of shoes. Considering they were having an official meeting, she figured she’d be better off wearing something other than her large grey sweatshirt and jeans. </p>
<p>After making sure she had everything she needed, the blonde made her way down to the lobby, heels clicking against the hardwood and tile. She couldn’t help the chuckle that bubbled up in her chest when she caught sight of Jamie and Flora at a table by the windows. After days of not speaking, the eight year old now wanted to do nothing <em>but</em> that. And poor Jamie looked like she was about ready to rip her own ears off just to get some peace and quiet. </p>
<p>“Hey, look who’s here,” the gardener interrupted Flora’s retelling of a Strawberry Shortcake episode she’d watched the other day, hoping that Dani would take over as the little girl’s audience for at least a few minutes. </p>
<p>“Miss Clayton!” Flora turned her head with a big grin and a mouth full of fresh fruit, “Can we watch Strawberry Shortcake again tonight? I do love that show. It’s perfectly splendid. My favorite character is Strawberry Shortcake, but I also like Orange Blossom. And Blueberry Muffin. Angel Cake is lovely as well. Miss Clayton, do you think that today we can-“</p>
<p>The chatterbox of a little girl continued on as Dani glanced over at Jamie who just sipped her morning tea with a smirk, pleased with herself that she’d passed the conversation on to someone else. </p>
<p>“Can we?” Flora brought her attention back, pulling gently on her arm.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Can we go to the park again today? Please?”</p>
<p>“Oh, um...We’ll see. We’ve gotta go to your uncle’s office and then get some lunch at some point after,” she smiled a bit nervously and thanked Jamie when she slid her plate over to her, offering up whatever she didn’t finish.</p>
<p>Flora just popped another grape into her mouth, looking up at her curiously, “We’re going to see Uncle Henry?”</p>
<p>“Mhm. We just have some grown up stuff to take care of.”</p>
<p>“What kind of grown up stuff? I’m very grown up, you know,” the little girl offered her a convincing smile. </p>
<p>Glancing at Jamie again, the blonde wondered what she should say. There were times that kids deserved to know the truth, and there were times that sometimes little white lies needed to be told to protect them. And Flora couldn’t know the truth. Not the whole truth, anyway. Dani certainly didn’t want to be the one to tell her that her uncle (who was really her father) didn’t want to see her.</p>
<p>“Well...remember how I said you’re gonna stay with me for a little bit?”</p>
<p>“And Jamie,” Flora corrected her, nodding, “Jamie is going to stay with us too, remember?” They had told her about that little detail not long after she woke up from her nap after the park yesterday.</p>
<p>“Of course, Jamie too,” Dani chuckled, clearing her throat a bit, “Well, we just need to sign a few papers. Kids can’t really stay with grown ups that aren’t their parents unless it’s legal.”</p>
<p>“Why not?”</p>
<p>“Cause the grown ups could get in trouble,” she leaned an elbow on the table, trying to explain.</p>
<p>“When we weren’t at school, me and Miles stayed with Mrs. Grose and Owen and Jamie after our Mum and Dad died. And Miss Jessel. And then you. Was that legal?”</p>
<p>“Kind of. Your uncle made sure all those people took good care of you and kept you safe and healthy. But this time, we just need to get permission for you to come live with us instead of us living with you.”</p>
<p>“How come I won’t be going to live with Uncle Henry if we can’t go back to Bly?” she asked timidly, looking at her plate as she moved her fruit around with her fork. She knew they couldn’t go back. She didn’t want to go back anyways. The manor always frightened her. She just wished she could take all her favorite people and belongings with her. </p>
<p>Dani looked at Jamie again, biting down hard on her lips as she wordlessly begged for some help. </p>
<p>“Do you <em>want</em> to go live with him?” Jamie asked, straightening herself out in her chair with a bit of concern written on her face. </p>
<p>The eight year old was quiet for a moment, seemingly thinking about her answer. And every second of silence that passed, Dani found her heartbeat picking up speed as nervous energy filled her body. What if Flora wanted to stay with Henry? She couldn’t anyways, but she would feel awful about making her stay with her and Jamie if she didn’t even want to. Though, she tried to remind herself of the conversation they had yesterday. Flora already said she was okay with the idea of going with them. It wasn’t like they would have to drag her kicking and screaming. </p>
<p>“No,” the little girl finally answered with a bit of a smile on her lips, not realizing just how relieved her au pair was to hear it, “I like staying with you. We have fun together.”</p>
<p>Dani leaned over to kiss her forehead, rubbing her back with a warm, relieved smile on her face. “We’re gonna keep having fun. I promise.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>xxx</strong>
  </p>
</div>“It’s all right, Poppins,” Jamie whispered, soothingly running her hand across Dani’s lower back in the elevator up to Henry’s office. Even through her blouse and blazer, Jamie’s hands were warm and comforting, “I should be the nervous one, underdressed and all.”<p>The blonde just breathed a light laugh as a deep blush formed on her cheeks. Jamie wasn’t dressed as formally as she <em>could</em> be, but she had forgone the flannel and overalls for a clean blue sweater and a pair of black dress pants, thankful that she’d packed them. </p>
<p>“You look beautiful,” Dani mumbled, biting her lip nervously before grinning down at Flora, who had turned around to face them with a grin of her own. “You remember what we said, right? You’ll stay with Miss Margot while we’re here?”</p>
<p>“I remember,” the girl nodded, turning back around to face the elevator doors, waiting for them to open, “How long is it going to take?”</p>
<p>“I’m not sure, but we’ll get it all done as fast as we can, okay?”</p>
<p>Flora nodded again and stepped out of the elevator once they had reached the right floor, holding tightly to both Dani and Jamie’s hands as they walked down the hall to the big door that said ‘Wingrave Legal Co.’ in big letters.</p>
<p>Jamie opened the door, her eyes scanning the office space where several people were bustling around, obviously hard at work. Meanwhile Dani was looking forward to never having to step into the building again. </p>
<p>“Hello, Miss Clayton! Hi, Flora!” Margot the receptionist approached them with a smile before introducing herself to Jamie, who shook her hand politely. “Mr. Wingrave is ready to see you,” she breathed before looking down at the eight year old, crouching to her level, “Look how you’ve grown. Do you remember me?”</p>
<p>“You were at my Uncle’s Christmas party when I was five,” Flora smiled, surprisingly a bit shy as she held tighter to the hands of her caretakers.</p>
<p>“Very good memory,” Margot stood up straight and offered her hand for the little girl to take, “Would you like to come sit with me? I just got a new typewriting computer if you’d like to try it.”</p>
<p>Flora looked up at Dani, who let go of her hand and crouched to her level, fixing up an undone button on her cardigan with a kiss to her forehead. “Think you can write me and Jamie a letter about all the fun stuff you wanna do?”</p>
<p>“Nothin’ illegal,” Jamie added with a playful nudge to Flora’s shoulder, making her giggle. </p>
<p>Margot took Flora’s hand gently and lead them to Henry’s door, letting them in before taking the little girl to her desk. </p>
<p>“Good morning, ladies. Have a seat,” Henry greeted them, gesturing to the chairs in front of his desk. A man was standing with him by the mini bar, both of them most likely finishing off a cup of fresh tea with scotch. Or vice versa.</p>
<p>Dani and Jamie took their seats, a bit nervously, both denying the offer of a drink. Neither of them were sure what there was to be nervous about. Then again, once papers were signed, their lives would change forever.</p>
<p>“This is Lionel, one of my associates. Just here to bear witness and sign off on the papers,” Henry introduced the man who shook both their hands. </p>
<p>Their time in the office seemed to fly by and drag on at the same time. Dani felt like she had signed her name about a million times. Jamie, as well, who was signing as her secondary caregiver, agreeing that if anything should happen to Dani, she would assume the responsibility of taking care of Flora. </p>
<p>It didn’t take a genius to see that Henry was hurting. One glance at him and Dani could see the pain on his face. The guilt, the shame, she knew it was eating him alive. And she tried not to feel guilty. This was his choice. And if she were honest, she knew he made the right one. Flora was in much better hands with her and Jamie. At least he was aware of that and willing to accept it, even if it hurt his pride. </p>
<p>“Here are all of her important documents,” Lionel handed a manila envelope over to Dani, “Copies of her birth certificate, passport, and medical history, including her immunizations.”</p>
<p>“Dominic and Charlotte have a trust fund set up for her, as well, which she can access on her eighteenth birthday,” Henry cut in with a sigh, “If she stays with you for that long, that is, she can access it when the time comes.”</p>
<p>“And I do believe that’s everything,” the man in the slender grey suit stamped a few pages, separating them into different piles before handing Dani a stack. </p>
<p>“So that’s it, then?” Jamie quirked an eyebrow. The process hadn’t been short, but it was shorter than she expected. </p>
<p>“That’s it. Flora Jane Wingrave is in your custody,” he nodded, patting his own stack of papers to get them to lay flat together.</p>
<p>Henry got up from his chair and walked back to the mini bar, forgoing the tea in his cup this time. Dani bit her painted red lip and watched him, reading his body language. He was miserable. “I’ll be right back,” she placed a gentle hand on Jamie’s knee before getting up and walking over to him with trepidation.</p>
<p>“I don’t...I don’t blame you,” she muttered quietly, placing a gentle but awkward hand on his shoulder before he turned to face her, “For feeling bad, I mean.” She offered him the slightest of smiles. “I understand how hard this must be for you. And I know if the circumstances were different, you would take her in a heartbeat. But...it’s nice to know that you trust us with her,” she attempted a comforting squeeze of his upper arm, “She’s in good hands, just like you said.”</p>
<p>“Well,” he sighed heavily, a solemn grin on his face, “I’m just so goddamn lucky, aren’t I? To have run into you again at that pub. To think, had I not...where would we all be now?”</p>
<p>Dani felt so much pride at his words. It was warm and tingly in her chest before it spread to the rest of her body. All of this was meant to be, she just knew it. </p>
<p>“Miss Clayton!” Flora burst through the door and ran up to Dani with a piece of paper in her hands.</p>
<p>
  <em>Shit.</em>
</p>
<p>“I typed up a letter just like you said!”</p>
<p>That tingly warmth that ran through Dani before turned ice cold the second she heard Flora’s voice. She wasn’t supposed to be in here. And to say she was nervous for Henry’s reaction was an understatement.</p>
<p>“Flora!” Margot came bounding in after her, clearly a bit frazzled that she had gotten away. </p>
<p>“It’s all right, Margot, she’s fine,” Henry waved his receptionist off calmly.</p>
<p>Dani’s shoulders stiffened as her eyes flicked between Henry, Flora, and Jamie, whose eyes were also filled with shock and worry. She knew how adamant Henry was about not seeing Flora. </p>
<p>But to both their surprise, Henry just knelt down to Flora’s height, smiling at her.</p>
<p>“Hello, Uncle Henry,” she gave him a toothy grin, “Miss Clayton wanted me to type up a letter of all the fun things I want to do while I’m with her and Jamie. Would you like to see?”</p>
<p>“Flora-“ the au pair started, but Henry had already taken the paper into his own hands, reading it over with glassy eyes and a sad smile. </p>
<p>“Well,” he started, looking at the eight year old, “I can tell you from personal experience that Australia is quite lovely.”</p>
<p>“You’ve been to Australia?”</p>
<p>“I have. A few times, actually, on business,” he nodded at the little girl, looking back at the paper, “This sounds like quite the fun adventure you’re going on.”</p>
<p>“That’s what Jamie says,” Flora nodded, looking over at the gardener, “And she says that on adventures, we’re not meant to know what’s going to happen next. That’s half the fun.”</p>
<p>Henry just chuckled and ducked his head as the two women watched their interaction, “And she’s right.”</p>
<p>There was a silence that filled the room. It wasn’t comforting, but it wasn’t awful either. It was just...silent. Until Henry spoke again. </p>
<p>“Will you write to me? I’d love to hear all about your adventures.”</p>
<p>“Of course I will,” she nodded, “I promise.” </p>
<p>She leaned forward to hug him then, wrapping her arms around his neck and squeezing tight. Intuitive for her age, Flora knew that this would probably be the last time she would see him for a while. “I love you, Uncle Henry,” she smiled as he hugged her back, unable to see the tears in his eyes.</p>
<p>“I...I love you too, my dear,” he whispered, “You be a good girl for Miss Clayton and Miss Taylor, all right?”</p>
<p>Dani watched through foggy eyes as Flora nodded and let him go, smiling up at him when he stood upright. Jamie came over from her seat and rubbed the au pair’s back gently, a bit misty-eyed, herself. </p>
<p>“Good show, boss,” the brunette shook Henry’s hand with a polite grin, just as pleased as everyone else that this meeting had gone so smoothly, even with Flora’s sudden appearance. </p>
<p>“Thank you for everything, Miss Taylor,” he nodded, shaking her hand firmly. </p>
<p>The air in the room was much more comfortable than when they had first arrived. It was still thick with sadness and grief, but much easier to breathe in. Flora was able to say a proper goodbye to Henry, and he was good enough to offer to keep in contact with her; Something Dani never thought he would do. </p>
<p>Things weren’t perfect. Miles was still missing, Hannah was still gone, the manor was still haunted, and they still had no plan for where to go from here. But Dani allowed herself to relax and feel good for the moment while she had it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>in case anyone is interested, my twitter handle has changed to @chonisdamie (rip @choniblopaz1). see you in a few days!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>not pictured: me tearing up at each of your comments. they really make my entire day, y’all have no idea. i don’t usually respond to them unless it’s a question, but i see them and if i had a printer, i’d print them all out and hang them over my desk for motivation i love you &lt;3333333</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“All right, let’s take a look at this list, shall we?” Dani sat in the grass and leaned against one of the trees that littered the park. </p>
<p>As they promised, the park was their next stop after they had lunch at a little cafe around the corner from Henry’s office. Flora had wanted to go over her little list of goals while they ate, but there was no way she would focus on eating if they allowed it. After days of not speaking, she was already quite chatty, making up for lost time. Getting her to focus on finishing her sandwich was difficult enough even without the list that had her so excited.</p>
<p>The gardener plopped down beside the blonde in the grass, able to sit more comfortably than Dani was since she’d worn pants. But after nine years as a teacher, she had become a pro at figuring out how to sit on the floor or on the ground in a skirt.</p>
<p>“Margot helped me type it! She said that it sounds like a fun adventure and she wishes she could come along,” Flora wormed herself between the two women, sitting up eagerly as she watched Dani unfold the paper much too slowly for her liking. </p>
<p><em>’Flora Wingrave’s Big Adventure Checklist’</em> topped the page in a classic typewriter font. The word “checklist” already had Dani nervous. She hadn’t even read the list yet, but she didn’t want to let Flora down if they weren’t achievable. </p>
<p>“Okay, number one,” she took in a cleansing breath, releasing it through her nose as she spoke, “Go to Florida.”</p>
<p>“Because it’s almost my name, Miss Clayton, remember?”</p>
<p>Dani just chuckled and nodded her head, a pink hue coming to her cheeks when she noticed Jamie smirking at her over Flora’s head. She was always looking at her like that, with a warm smile and a look in her eyes that made Dani’s heart thump a little faster. She couldn’t name her expression, though. Pride was the closest word she could place on it. </p>
<p>“Number two, go to Australia,” the blonde read out loud, laughing a bit to herself, “I should have known that would be next.” That goal was attainable, but just like with number one, it would have to wait until after they’d gotten settled somewhere. A nomadic lifestyle was fine for two adults, but not when they had an eight year old tagging along.</p>
<p>“Number three...meet Santa Claus,” her eyebrows raised to her hairline as Flora giggled beside her, “And where do you expect we’re gonna meet him, silly?”</p>
<p>“At the North Pole, of course. Where else?”</p>
<p>
  <em>Okay, so she’s not aware of the concept of shopping mall Santas. Easy to work around that one.</em>
</p>
<p>Jamie sat up a bit straighter against the tree, a sly grin on her face as she leaned down to Flora’s ear, “We’re gonna have to be careful, though. He might mistake you for one of his elves and put you to work.”</p>
<p>“Yes!” the little girl gasped, making her ponytail swing as she glanced back and forth between them, “Then we can all live in the North Pole together! And we can do number four while we’re there!”</p>
<p>Dani looked at the list, seeing <em>”build the world’s tallest snowman”</em> as the next bullet on the list. </p>
<p>“Me and Miles built one once,” the little girl smiled warmly, though there was a bit of sadness in her eyes. Not that either of the women expected anything else. “Jamie, you remember,” Flora gazed up at the brunette, “It was the December when I was five! And it snowed so much overnight! We made snow angels and threw snowballs, and Owen made us the most delicious hot chocolate to cheer us up after our little snowman fell over.”</p>
<p>Jamie smiled fondly, nodding her head, “I remember.” It was actually one of the best days she ever had working at Bly Manor. She hadn’t really let herself get too close to anyone while she was there at first. She wasn’t in the job to make friends. She was there to tend to the plants, keep the grounds looking nice, do a few repairs, and that was it. But after months of working for the Wingraves, that snow day was probably the first time she felt like she had a real family again. “But do you remember what your snowman was called?”</p>
<p>“Snowen!” </p>
<p>“Owen’s idea,” Jamie looked up at the blonde who had the same glimmer of happiness in her eyes and warm grin on her face that she, herself, had been sending her way all afternoon. </p>
<p>“Doesn’t surprise me,” Dani rolled her eyes with an affectionate shake of her head.</p>
<p>“You know, there’s some places in America that get three, even <em>four</em> times the snow we got that day?” the gardener spoke to the little girl who was transfixed on her words before glancing up at Dani, “Isn’t that right?”</p>
<p>The au pair just smiled and nodded her head, looking down at Flora who had turned to her for confirmation, “She’s right. One winter in Iowa, when I was about your age, we had so much snow overnight that it was over my head when I went outside the next morning.”</p>
<p>“You’re joking,” Flora gaped in disbelief, still smiling. </p>
<p>“I swear! They even cancelled school for a whole week,” she laughed, “There’s pictures somewhere at my mom’s house.” Though, all those pictures were of her and Edmund, considering they spent their childhood joined at the hip.</p>
<p>“We’ll need snow like that to build the world’s tallest snowman,” the little girl nodded and leaned back against the tree behind them, sighing contentedly, “We’ll go to Iowa.”</p>
<p>The thought, the very <em>suggestion</em> of going back to Iowa didn’t settle well with Dani. She just couldn’t. Even if they ended up on the opposite end of the state, she wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing that the chances of her mother (or worse, Judy) showing up at their doorstep weren’t as slim as they would be anywhere else. </p>
<p>Jamie could see the flush in the blonde’s pale cheeks; The shade of pink she’d become a bit too familiar with in recent weeks. It was the same flush that came over Dani when she was worried about going to Owen’s mom’s funeral. The same flush that covered her face when Jamie found her hunched behind a bush gasping for air as if she were drowning. She may not have known Dani’s middle name or what her favorite movie was, but she knew her well enough by now to know when she was letting her own thoughts eat her alive. </p>
<p>“Doesn’t have to be Iowa,” she chimed, getting Dani’s attention before she turned her attention to Flora, “I saw a movie once when I was a kid that was set in a state called Vermont. I bet you we could build <em>two</em> of the world’s tallest snowman there, it snows so much.” She wasn’t 100% sure it was true, but it definitely snowed a lot, she knew that much. </p>
<p>“Really?!”</p>
<p>“Really,” the brunette nodded, sending a subtle wink in the au pair’s direction when the panicked pink flush in her cheeks had faded, “Whatdya say, Miss Clayton? A trip across the pond to your side of the world?”</p>
<p>The pink in Dani’s cheeks returned, but this time accompanied by a smile and a nod of her head as she smoothed out Flora’s wild looking ponytail, “Snow sounds nice.”</p>
<p>They remained sat against the tree for the better part of an hour, going through Flora’s list. Some things were very achievable. She wanted to see an elephant in real life. There were zoos for that. She wanted to further her ballet lessons that had stopped after her parents died. They could sign her up for those wherever they settled. Jamie was pleased to hear that she wanted to learn how to grow a flower from a seed, though she was even more touched that the list specifically said <em>’just like Jamie’</em>.</p>
<p>Some things on her list were easier said than done. Going to the moon, catching a leprechaun at the end of a rainbow, dancing on TV like the kids on one of the shows she watched at the hotel, Dani wasn’t sure how they would pull those off. But like her request to meet Santa Claus, she was sure there were ways to make them possible. Even if it meant looking for a few loopholes. </p>
<p>“Can I go pick some flowers, please? I think they would look just lovely by the window in our room,” Flora pointed across the way to a spacious patch of bright yellow dandelions. It wasn’t too far from where they were seated. </p>
<p>“Those are <em>weeds</em>” Jamie commented, chuckling when Dani shoved her shoulder.</p>
<p>“Just for a few minutes, okay? It looks like it’s gonna start raining pretty soon,” the blonde smiled, watching Flora take off, “Stay where we can see you, please!”</p>
<p>“Okay!”</p>
<p>With a sigh, she leaned back against the tree, unconsciously filling in the space that Flora had previously taken up between them until her hip was flush with Jamie’s. </p>
<p>“White Christmas?” she turned to her briefly, smirking as her eyes traced the brunette’s profile. </p>
<p>“Pretty good movie, don’t you think?” the gardener nodded and kept her eyes on Flora, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them comfortably.</p>
<p>“One of my favorites.”</p>
<p>“Mine too. Always wanted to see Vermont.”</p>
<p>There was a silence between them that followed as they watched Flora pluck dandelions from the ground. It was a peaceful silence that was rare for both of them. It was as if a calm had settled over them now that they seemed to have a plan. Maybe not a plan, but at least a goal. And when Jamie subtly took one of Dani’s hands in her own and hid their linked fingers behind the wall she had built with her bent knees, it felt like some kind of deal had been sealed.</p>
<p>
  <em>Vermont.</em>
</p>
<p>Not Vermont for Christmas. Not Vermont just to pass through to get a peek at the fall foliage. Just Vermont. Something about it felt right and now it was calling to them like a siren song. Rebecca had said to get Flora as far away from the manor as possible. Dani wasn’t entirely sure why, but there had to be a reason. She knew it was going to be difficult to ask the little girl to give up the life she’d known here in England, but it was worth it if it meant keeping her safe from whatever was waiting for her back in Bly. </p>
<p>“So…” the gardener started, turning her head to face the woman beside her, “What’s on <em>your</em> adventure list, Poppins?”</p>
<p>Dani’s lips curled into a smile as she glanced down at their hidden hands, relishing the feeling of Jamie’s thumb grazing gently over her skin, “I haven’t really thought about it. There’s a lot I’ve done already, and a lot I haven’t gotten to do.”</p>
<p>“What do you <em>want</em> to do?”</p>
<p>“I’d love to get back to teaching,” she sighed after a few seconds of thought, “Even just...tutoring, or substituting. That was the one thing I had that was mine, y’know? I shared everything with Eddie since we were kids. We even went to the same college, close to home. It was always <em>ours</em>. But teaching was <em>my</em> thing.”</p>
<p>She trailed off and looked down at her lap briefly before gazing back up to keep an eye on Flora, knowing Jamie’s eyes were boring into the side of her face, “And he...he never understood, I guess. When I’d stay at the school a little longer to stay with the kids whose parents were late picking them up, or I’d have to postpone a date night because the neighbor’s kids needed a little extra homework help...he didn’t like that.”</p>
<p>Jamie just squeezed her hand tightly, letting her know she was there and she was listening.</p>
<p>“He would always ask why I was so passionate about helping and being there for other peoples’ kids even though I always avoided talking about having kids of our own,” she muttered, smiling a bit to herself as she watched Flora give one of her dandelions to an elderly woman who was walking by, “He just...he didn’t get it. I just wanna make a difference in peoples’ lives, I guess. And kids are the ones who need it the most sometimes.”</p>
<p>Jamie squeezed her hand once more, her thumb still running across her knuckles as she nodded. “Well,” she started, “You certainly have made a difference in a few lives, I can tell you that with 100% certainty.”</p>
<p>Dani just blushed, ducking her head in a poor attempt to hide it before turning to the brunette, tugging her bottom lip nervously beneath her teeth. “What about you? What’s on your list?”</p>
<p>The gardener shrugged her shoulders, taking her turn to keep an eye on Flora, “Never been out of England, so...Just wanna see as much as I can. Live life one day at a time. Just as long as those days are with you, Poppins. And that wee gremlin over there,” she nodded her head towards Flora with a playful smirk. </p>
<p>A rush of warmth spread through Dani’s body at the comment, the flush on her cheeks getting deeper than it already was. “There has to be <em>something</em> you wanna do. Something specific?” her voice was low and timid as if she were nervous to speak to her all of a sudden.</p>
<p>“Maybe,” Jamie cocked her head to the side, “Always thought about opening up a flower shop or something of the sort.”</p>
<p>“Really?”</p>
<p>“Something about it just seems nice, I guess. Getting to do the arrangements for someone’s wedding, or putting together a little bouquet for some kid to give their first date. I feel like there’s something special in that, y’know? Getting to be part of the important moments in peoples’ lives just through a few flowers.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Dani smirked, flicking her tongue over her dry lips before leaning in to whisper to her teasingly, “You’re kinda soft, huh?”</p>
<p>“Oi, tell anyone and I’m taking the kid and we’re going to Vermont without you,” she rolled her eyes and shook her head, trying to ignore the blush that had risen on her own cheeks, though she was sure that Dani didn’t miss it, “I won’t lie to you though, I miss getting my hands dirty. I’m ready to start digging into this grass any second just for the rush.”</p>
<p>“We should probably head back to the hotel then before you dig up this whole park like a dog,” the blonde laughed, standing up with Jamie’s hand still in hers. Though, to anyone else, it would look like she was just helping her up. “Come on, Flora!” she called to the eight year old who came bounding up to them, a whole bouquet of bright yellow dandelions in her hand.</p>
<p>“Here you are,” she grinned, handing them each a single stem with a fluffy yellow blossom on top.</p>
<p>“Oh, it’s beautiful, thank you,” the au pair grinned widely, tucking the dandelion behind her ear, “What do you think?”</p>
<p>“Just lovely,” Flora nodded, plucking another dandelion from the bunch to put behind her own ear, “Jamie, you have to wear yours too so we all match!”</p>
<p>Dani bit back a laugh at Flora’s request, but was pleasantly surprised to see Jamie tucking the stem into her curly hair without any hesitation, not even showing a hint of displeasure of wearing a common weed in her hair like an accessory. </p>
<p>“How’s that?” Jamie looked to Flora for approval.</p>
<p>“Splendid.”</p>
<p>“Perfectly,” Dani added.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>xxx</strong>
  </p>
</div>As they had been lately, that night was another quiet night in. Things were slowly falling into place now that they had an idea of where they were headed. Of course, before they could go anywhere, things needed to be taken care of here.<p><em>“One day at a time, Poppins. We’ll get there,”</em> Jamie had muttered quietly when Dani started to think a little too hard about everything that still needed to be done. </p>
<p>Once the sun started to set, Jamie made a phone call to Owen while Dani gave Flora her bath for the night, using the time she had alone in the main room to exchange updates with her old friend. </p>
<p>“Yeah, we’re thinking Vermont. Flora wants to see the snow at Christmas,” she chuckled, holding the phone between her shoulder and her ear, “Might be nice to live somewhere other than here.”</p>
<p>
  <em>“Once you leave, you’ll never want to come back, trust me.”</em>
</p>
<p>“Wouldn’t be the worst thing, never coming back,” she scoffed, rolling her eyes, “Not like I have anyone or anything here anyways besides you and that damn flat above Gertie’s.”</p>
<p><em>“I might head back to Paris once I get the bollocks to let Mum’s house go,”</em> he sighed in her ear, <em>“Maybe someone will take pity on me and give me an actual chef position. If I have to call myself a sous-chef again, I may end up shanking someone with the pointy end of a raw carrot.”</em></p>
<p>Jamie just smiled at the sound of his laughter. It was nice to hear him joking around again. She’d never seen him so distraught as she did when the two of them ventured back to the manor, finding Hannah’s body at the bottom of the well. He had squeezed her so tightly that she thought her lungs would collapse in her chest, but she didn’t complain. After all the times he’d been there for her, it was the least she could do. </p>
<p>“You’ll get there. Just takes a bit of patience, that’s all.”</p>
<p><em>“Speaking of patience,”</em> he started, <em>“You and the American, eh?”</em></p>
<p>“God, shut up,” she tossed her head back with an embarrassed groan, “What’s that got to do with patience anyway?”</p>
<p>
  <em>“Because <strong>I’ve</strong> had to be patient waiting for one of you to make a move.”</em>
</p>
<p>“Well, what did you expect me to do, Owen? Take her into the bloody greenhouse and kiss her on her first day of work? I’ve known her just under a month.”</p>
<p>
  <em>“Well…”</em>
</p>
<p>“You’re impossible,” she chuckled. Part of her wanted to throw it back in his face, asking why he never made a move with Hannah, but the last thing she wanted to do was make him regret all the opportunities he missed before it was too late. “Glad to hear you’re doing well, mate. We miss you, the three of us.”</p>
<p>
  <em>“I miss you all, too. I wish I had news for you about Miles...or Peter, I guess. Which, by the way, I’m still wrapping my mind around all that.”</em>
</p>
<p>“Me too. But...when he’s found, he’s found. No use in worrying about what to do about that fucker until you get a hold of him.”</p>
<p><em>“Yeah,”</em> he exhaled. Jamie could just see him in her mind, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration, <em>“Oh, got in contact with some of Hannah’s family. Her, uh...her funeral’s on Friday if you’re able to make it.”</em></p>
<p>Her heart sunk in her chest, unsure of what to do. Dani had made it clear that she didn’t want to go anywhere near Bly again, especially not with Flora. But Flora had known Hannah her whole life and never got to say a proper goodbye. “I’ll try to be there. Not sure about Dani and Flora, but…I might take some of the day to talk to Gertie before she chops my head off about my rent being late again.”</p>
<p><em>“Just let me know, love. And you’re all welcome to stay with me for as long as you need. I could use the company,”</em> she could hear him smile into the phone just before the bathroom door opened enough for Dani to poke her head out, wordlessly asking if it was okay for Flora to come out of the bathroom; To which Jamie just nodded.</p>
<p>“I will,” she sighed, “Hey, you want to say hi to Flora?”</p>
<p>
  <em>“You know I do.”</em>
</p>
<p>“One second,” she smiled before holding the phone out to the little girl who had just come from the bathroom with a damp braid and fresh pajamas, “Phone’s for you, sprout.” </p>
<p>“For me?”</p>
<p>Jamie’s grin widened when the eight year old practically scampered over, plopping down beside her on the edge of the bed and taking the phone, starting up a lively conversation with the man on the other end. Meanwhile, she took the time she had to pull Dani back into the bathroom.</p>
<p>“Everything okay?” her eyebrows knit together curiously, though the smile remained on her face as Jamie closed the door until it was only open a crack.</p>
<p>“Hannah’s funeral is on Friday,” she cut to the chase with her voice barely above a whisper, not knowing how long Flora would talk Owen’s ear off, “Back in Bly.”</p>
<p>“...Oh.”</p>
<p>“I’m...I’m gonna go. I’d like to, anyway,” she sighed, “I know you don’t want Flora anywhere near there, but-“</p>
<p>“No, I-I can ask her if she wants to go. Just as long as she doesn’t go back to-“</p>
<p>“The manor, I know,” Jamie nodded, kissing the nervous wrinkle in the blonde’s forehead, “If we go, Owen said we can stay with him for a while. Regardless, I’ll need to get some things sorted out with my landlady while I’m there. Maybe pack a few more things.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Dani nodded, wrapping her arms around herself, “Yeah, of course.”</p>
<p>“Poppins…”</p>
<p>“Hm?”</p>
<p>“Talk to me.”</p>
<p>Dani peeked out the crack in the bathroom door, making sure Flora was still distracted by her chat with Owen before turning back to the brunette, eyes filled with worry and fear. </p>
<p>“I just don’t want anything bad to happen to her. Rebecca said to get her as far away as we could. I just...I don’t know what could happen...if we brought her back, I mean. Even just to Bly. What if Miles- Peter, what if he’s…” she sighed, glancing down at her bare feet against the white tile, scrunching her toes as a bit of a distraction for herself, “What if he’s waiting for her?”</p>
<p>“He’s not gonna get to her,” Jamie shook her head and stepped closer, reaching out to squeeze the au pair’s upper arms comfortingly, “He’s gotta get through me first if he does. And you. And Owen. The man’s more skilled with a chef’s knife than he looks.” </p>
<p>Her lips curled into a soft grin at the small snort of laughter Dani’s body shook with, watching as she lifted her head to meet her eyes. </p>
<p>“I don’t know how you keep doing that,” she shook her head, wiping away a tear that was threatening to fall from her eye.</p>
<p>“Doing what?”</p>
<p>“Making me laugh even when I feel like I can’t.”</p>
<p>“Ah,” the gardener offered her a cocky smirk, simply shrugging her shoulders, “Natural talent, I guess. Some people can juggle, some can whistle. Me? I was blessed with the skill of cheering up pretty Americans.”</p>
<p>Dani just rolled her eyes as a pink tint rose to her face for what was probably the millionth time since she’d first laid eyes on Jamie. “Lucky me, then.”</p>
<p>“Either that or you’re just <em>that</em> smitten by m-“</p>
<p>Warm lips closed in on her own, shutting her up with the softest hum the brunette had ever heard. Jamie wasn’t the type to get weak in the knees, but that was apparently one of <em>Dani’s</em> natural talents. One of many, in fact. The woman was awkward and high strung, and she couldn’t make a cup of tea (or coffee) to save her life, but she had a natural charisma that was just magnetic, making you want to be around her even if you normally preferred to be alone. And she could probably thaw the coldest, most frozen hearts with just a smile. </p>
<p>Maybe it was her eyes, her laugh, the way she always looked happy to greet you or the way she never let a waiter walk away from the table without thanking them first. Whatever it was, Jamie couldn’t get enough. Dani Clayton was captivating. And it continued to blow the gardener’s mind that this angel of a woman that had wormed her way into her heart seemed to want her just as much.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello lovelies! enjoy your weekend!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was getting harder to hide things from Flora. The little girl’s life was confusing and chaotic enough as it was. They didn’t want to add “I caught my au pair kissing the woman who tends to the gardens at my summer house” to the list of Flora’s current concerns. </p>
<p>But it was difficult when she was always around. <em>Always</em> around. The only time Dani and Jamie got any alone time was after the eight year old went to bed for the night and they would slip into the hotel bathroom and huddle together on the floor; their backs leaned against the bathtub. And even that wasn’t proper alone time since Flora was still a mere six feet from the bathroom door. </p>
<p>And now, with Flora sandwiched between them on the bench seat of Jamie’s truck, dozing against Dani’s arm, it was difficult. The blonde had been chewing her bottom lip so hard it was swollen and a deep shade of pink. The worry lines in her forehead were becoming permanent, and Jamie wanted nothing more than to ease her nerves. But there was only so much she could do with Flora around, sleeping or not.</p>
<p>Jamie glanced over at Dani briefly as she had been for the past hour, just checking on her. She knew that a part of Dani hoped that Flora wouldn’t want to go to Hannah’s funeral. At least that way, the two of them could stay in London, far enough from any of the dangers that might lurk in the little village in Essex. But Flora insisted after a bit of thought.</p>
<p><em>“Will Mrs. Grose be there?”</em> she had asked, looking between the two women who were crouched down in front of her.</p>
<p><em>“In a way, she will be,”</em> Jamie winced with her answer.</p>
<p>Flora wasn’t the only one who was confused. All of them, over the last few weeks, had their perspective on death and the afterlife completely shifted from whatever they had thought before. Maybe it was just Bly. Maybe just the manor. But none of them could make sense of whatever had happened to anyone who died on those grounds and how. </p>
<p>“You all right, Poppins?” she whispered over Flora’s head, though she already knew the answer. </p>
<p>The blonde just released a breath through her nostrils and pursed her lips into a straight line, nodding. “I guess,” she sighed, looking down at Flora, now fast asleep against her arm, “I just don’t know what to expect.”</p>
<p>The gardener sighed, taking a hand off the steering wheel to drape her arm across the back of the bench, working gentle fingertips into the base of Dani’s neck in the way she’d learned she liked. It gave her a sense of pride feeling those constantly tense muscles relax under her touch. </p>
<p>“We’re gonna go to Owen’s and settle in,” she started with a calm voice as she continued to glance between Dani and the road, “We’re gonna have a nice home cooked meal and a proper brew for the first time in far too long. And after this one goes to bed, we’re probably gonna sit in front of the fireplace, swap old stories, and drink enough wine to drown our sorrows for the evening.”</p>
<p>Dani visibly relaxed a little more. Not enough to be completely at ease, but enough that her shoulders weren’t hunched to her ears anymore.</p>
<p>“And tomorrow, we’ll go to the funeral. Anything after that...we’ll take it as it comes,” she spoke gently, still massaging the base of her neck.</p>
<p>“That’s the part that worries me,” the blonde mumbled, gazing out the window at the passing trees. </p>
<p>Jamie glanced over at her again. She hated feeling helpless. She couldn’t even think of any dumb jokes to lighten the mood with. “Hey,” she whispered, waiting for blue eyes to meet hers for the brief moment she took her eyes off the road, “It’ll be all right...okay? I’ll see to it myself if I have to. Promise.”</p>
<p>Dani bit her lip again and nodded, unsure of what to say. She stiffened up once more when Jamie took her hand off the back of her neck, already missing the feeling of skilled fingers working the knots out of her muscles. But her heart fluttered in her chest when she saw that hand come across Flora’s lap and into her own, pinky out. Like it was Jamie’s juvenile way of asking Dani to have a little faith in her.</p>
<p>Unable to move her arm much without disturbing Flora’s rest, the blonde linked her pinky with Jamie’s, curling their fingers together tightly as if the tighter she held on, the sooner Jamie would know that she trusted her. And one glance up at the brunette told Dani that she had received the message. </p>
<p>“Get some rest and try to relax, Poppins, we’ve still got a ways to go,” Jamie smiled as Dani linked the rest of their fingers together, holding their joined hands affectionately in her lap. Not that she minded. She could drive with one hand. They had a while before any gear shifts were needed anyways. </p>
<p>A soft “thank you” fell from Dani’s lips with a yawn when she leaned her head on top of Flora’s, still cradling Jamie’s hand in hers with no intention of letting go. Though, neither of them were aware that the eight year old between them was peeking down at their hands in her au pair’s lap, not as asleep as they thought.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>xxx</strong>
  </p>
</div>“Owen!” Flora jumped out of the truck and wasted no time running up the cobblestone walkway and into Owen’s arms where he was waiting at the doorstep of his mom’s house.<p>“Now wait a minute,” the man pulled back after hugging her tightly and setting her back down on her feet, “Who are you?”</p>
<p>The eight year old giggled into her palms, “Flora Wingrave!”</p>
<p>“Nooo, impossible. Flora Wingrave is a little girl, you’re a lovely young lady,” he eyed her suspiciously. </p>
<p>“It’s me, honest!” she laughed, turning back to the two women who were grabbing a few things from the truck, “Miss Clayton, tell him I’m Flora!”</p>
<p>“Oi, Sharma, don’t go making us think we brought the wrong kid all the way here from London,” Jamie snapped playfully at him from where she was pulling suitcases from the truck bed, “And where’s the bell service, mate? We paid good money for this hotel.”</p>
<p>Dani just laughed as Owen rushed over to take some bags. She always loved being around for the interactions between him and Jamie. They were like brother and sister with their consistent playful banter and harmless insults. There were times when it seemed like they were the children she’d been hired to watch and Miles and Flora were the adults. But she always found it amusing. </p>
<p>“Good to see you again, Dani,” he wrapped an arm around her shoulders before taking the bags from her hands.</p>
<p>“You too. It feels like it’s been forever even though it’s only been a week,” she squeezed him tightly around his middle, “Thank you for letting us stay.”</p>
<p>“Oh, anytime. Like I told Jamie, I could use the company,” he smiled, ushering them into the house with Flora tagging along, “I don’t know what your, uh...sleeping arrangements are, but...I’ve got the guest room, and my room. I’ll take the couch. Unless someone wants to sleep there, in which case I’ll take my mum’s bed.”</p>
<p>Jamie set the bags down to give her arms a rest and knelt down in front of Flora who was glancing around. Everyone but Dani had been to Owen’s mom’s house before, but the little girl was looking around for any changes since the last time she was there. “Which room you want, sprout?”</p>
<p>“I want Owen’s room, because he has a lava lamp, Miss Clayton, come see! It’s just lovely!” the little girl grabbed onto Dani’s hand to show her around as if she knew the house like the back of her hand. </p>
<p>“Flora, maybe you should ask Owen fir-“ the blonde turned back to the adults as she was being dragged away. </p>
<p>“It’s fine,” Owen waved a hand with a bit of a laugh as the two rounded the corner to go up the stairs, sighing as once he was left alone in the entryway with Jamie. “Flora seems like she’s doing all right,” he commented, looking over at the gardener sympathetically. </p>
<p>“Yeah, we’ve been trying to keep her distracted as best we can. Dani’s let her know that she can talk to us about anything whenever she wants, but...she never does. Not even after a nightmare,” ran a hand through her curls, “I don’t get it. I mean, it’s not like we’re strangers that she’s scared to talk to.”</p>
<p>“Eh, she’ll come around when she’s ready. As long as she feels safe with you, that’s what matters, right? Who knows, maybe we’ll even have storytime while you’re here.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” she smiled when he pat her back, shaking her head as if to remove herself from her own racing thoughts, “Any chance of a brew?”</p>
<p>“I can get started on one, but it might take <em>Oolong</em> time,” he smirked, brushing past her towards the kitchen.</p>
<p>“Christ, mate, already? We just got here,” Jamie threw her head back, laughing through an annoyed groan before following him into the next room.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>xxx</strong>
  </p>
</div>It felt strange to say that dinner at Owen’s felt like “old times”. First of all, it had only been a week since Dani had seen him last. Secondly, she had only been part of their lives and in their circle for less than a month. But time seemed to move differently in Bly. Back home in the states, everything always moved so fast. When her dad died, she was shipped off to boarding school faster than she had time to process the loss. And once she’d returned home, she found Edmund. And everything between their meeting and his death felt like a blur.<p>When it feels like everyone around you is planning your future for you, it’s hard to live in the present. </p>
<p>Even when she arrived in Europe and backpacked around for a few weeks, crashing at hostel after hostel around Sweden, Germany, France, the time still never slowed down. She was always worrying about where she would go next. It wasn’t until she arrived at the manor that things finally slowed. Time even moved backwards, in a way. These people were suddenly a family that she’d known for years. And Jamie...despite not knowing anything about her, Dani still felt like she’d known her all her life. Or in another life.</p>
<p>It was a bit different now with it being the four of them gathered around Owen’s dinner table. It just felt strange without Miles or Hannah. But having Owen around made things feel as normal as possible. He still delivered clever puns as if it were second nature, annoying Jamie this time instead of Hannah. He even pretended not to notice when Flora would slowly direct a fingertip covered in mashed potatoes towards his ear; just like she would with Miles. </p>
<p>It all felt so familiar even though it was different.</p>
<p>But just as Dani had insisted, Flora’s schedule was no different. She had her bath, pajamas were on, teeth and hair were brushed, and it was time for bed. She stalled a bit, asking for glasses of water, claiming she had to use the bathroom, or starting up a conversation with Owen at the base of the stairs. Even when Dani got her tucked into Owen’s bed, the eight year old still asked for a few more pages of her book. But the blonde knew she needed to put her foot down eventually.</p>
<p>“I didn’t get to say goodnight to Jamie,” Flora lied, squirming against the quilt that Dani was pulling up to her chin.</p>
<p>“You said goodnight to both Owen and Jamie twice already,” she chuckled gently, kneeling beside the bed and resting her chin on her forearms, “What’s wrong? Why don’t you wanna sleep?”</p>
<p>“I…” the little girl started, averting her eyes to glance around the room that was only lit by the warm glow of the lava lamp in the corner, “I don’t know.”</p>
<p>“Hey,” the au pair cupped her cheek gently, grazing her thumb over her skin, “You can talk to me. About anything. You know that, right?”</p>
<p>Flora just nodded and sighed, pulling her stuffed bunny a bit closer to her chest, “I suppose I’m a bit frightened,” she mumbled quietly. </p>
<p>“Of what?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know.”</p>
<p>The two were quiet for a minute while Dani gave her time to think about what was bothering her. But it didn’t take much longer for Flora to speak again. </p>
<p>“I just don’t want to be here all alone.”</p>
<p>The blonde’s heart cracked a bit in her chest. Flora hadn’t slept alone all week. If she wasn’t curled up with her and Jamie, she was at least in the same room, just a bed away. And with this being such a scary and traumatic time for her, she could understand the fear of being all by herself for the first time in a while. </p>
<p>“We’re all still here with you. Me and Jamie will be right down the hall. Owen will be in the living room downstairs. We’re not going anywhere,” she whispered with warm sympathy in her eyes, brushing the girl’s hair back from her face. She wanted to cave so badly and let her sleep in the guest room with them. Or sleep with her in Owen’s bed just for the night. But she knew she couldn’t. Flora needed to learn how to sleep alone again.</p>
<p>“What if I stay here with you until you fall asleep?” she offered with a quiet sigh. That was okay, right? “Just as long as you promise to <em>try</em> to sleep.”</p>
<p>“I promise,” Flora nodded her head gently, snuggling in deeper into the warmth of the bed, “Thank you, Miss Clayton.”</p>
<p>“You’re welcome, sweet girl,” she said quietly and leaned down to kiss her forehead, sitting properly on the floor instead of just crouching.</p>
<p>“Miss Clayton?” Flora spoke quietly after a few minutes of silence between them.</p>
<p>“Hm?”</p>
<p>“My mum used to call me that.”</p>
<p>“Call you what?”</p>
<p>“Sweet girl.”</p>
<p>The blonde’s heart leapt into her throat as she tried not to let the worry show on her face, hoping that her little term of endearment hadn’t been upsetting her. “I-I’m sorry, Flora, I didn’t know...I can stop if you’d-“</p>
<p>“No, I like it,” she yawned and rubbed her eye, clearly falling asleep with each syllable. “You remind me of her sometimes…” she trailed off, slowly drifting off to sleep much sooner than either of them had expected. And Dani couldn’t have been more grateful. Not only was she at a bit of a loss for words, but tears had quickly made their way to the corners of her eyes.</p>
<p>But she stayed for a few more minutes, making sure that Flora stayed asleep while she thought about the brief conversation. Maybe she was overthinking it, but she didn’t want Flora to think that she was attempting to replace anyone in her life. Even when she took on the role as her new au pair, it wasn’t her intention to replace whatever relationship the kids had with Rebecca. She was just an addition, not a replacement. </p>
<p>Taking a deep breath, she willed herself not to think about it. Flora wasn’t upset with her, so there was no reason for her to be convincing herself otherwise. Dani wasn’t like her own mother. Karen Clayton had forced her daughter to call every man she brought home “dad” if the relationship lasted longer than a week. She’d never force anything on Flora.</p>
<p>When she was certain that the little girl was asleep for the night, she got up slowly and crept out of the room, closing the door behind her before heading down to the guest room to change into her pajamas for the night so she could meet Owen and Jamie downstairs. But she yelped in surprise when she opened the door, turning away from the topless woman that she had walked in on. </p>
<p>“Oh my god, I-I’m so sorry,” she muttered nervously, closing herself into the room as she looked at the ceiling, the floor, the artwork on the walls, <em>anywhere</em> but at Jamie.</p>
<p>“Calm down, Poppins, nothing you haven’t seen before,” she said in that voice that made Dani’s knees weak and her cheeks flame up with embarrassed heat. The way Jamie was so cool about everything never failed to make her want to kick herself for being so high strung. </p>
<p>“Still, I’m sorry, I should’ve knocked,” she continued to gaze at the floor, tracing the pattern of the rug with her eyes as if she were trying to commit it to memory. But a pair of socked feet got in the way of her view of the pattern, making her breath catch in her throat. </p>
<p>“You okay?”</p>
<p>“Mmhm,” the blonde nodded, forcing herself to pick her head up and meet the concerned green eyes before her. “I-is Owen downstairs?” she stammered and wrung her hands nervously. But the flush on her cheeks only got hotter when Jamie stepped forward and took her trembling hands in her own, making Dani release a small, audible hum of surprise as the smell of ivory soap on Jamie’s skin filled her nostrils. </p>
<p>She didn’t even know why she was so nervous. It wasn’t like she hadn’t been alone with her before. And Jamie was right, after that night exactly a week ago, her body was nothing she hadn’t seen before. </p>
<p>“He is, but he turned in for the night. Figured he should get as much rest as possible,” the gardener idly toyed with her fingers in an effort to calm her down, “Looks like it’s just you and me now.”</p>
<p>Releasing a nervous chuckle, Dani just nodded with a quiet “okay” under her breath before Jamie walked off towards the bed, turning down the sheets as she remained pressed against the wooden door.</p>
<p>“Your bag’s on the window seat,” the brunette gestured towards the little nook across from where Dani stood, “But if you wanna spend the night there against the door, I guess I can’t stop you.”</p>
<p>“Right,” she breathed, practically ripping herself off the cool wood before marching to where her bags were piled by the window. She pulled out a clean nightgown, scandalously short compared to the rest of the ones she’d brought with her, but still only about knee-length. She picked idly at a loose thread in the shoulder strap, looking behind her to see Jamie’s nose buried in a copy of Jane Eyre.</p>
<p>“I’m not creeping on you, Poppins, you can get changed,” the brunette’s voice was teasing from behind her book. Dani didn’t even need to see her face to be able to tell that she had a devilish smirk on her face. But that playful tone always managed to make it easier for her to play along.</p>
<p>Rolling her eyes with a quiet laugh, Dani just stripped down, quickly replacing her jeans and sweater with the blue nightgown. She distractedly folded up her dirty clothes, putting them in a pile off to the side before hanging her new black dress for the next day on the handles of the wardrobe. Thankfully while Jamie went to see about getting herself a passport the day before, Dani was able to take Flora shopping so they could both get something to wear to the funeral. She didn’t want to have to show up in her old little black party dress.</p>
<p>With a sigh, she clenched her fists nervously at her sides before finally turning around, crawling into the bed beside Jamie. Her sudden apprehension made no sense. They’d shared a bed all week, they’d been alone plenty of times. But something about this just felt different. They were free to talk to each other without fear of waking Flora up. They didn’t have to sit on the floor against the hotel bathtub with hushed voices just to have a conversation. If Dani wanted to kiss her, she could. </p>
<p>And she <em>really</em> wanted to.</p>
<p>Clearing her throat awkwardly, she shifted until she was comfortable with her back pressed against the headboard, nibbling gently at her bottom lip as her thumbs twiddled in her lap. She turned to face the gardener, admiring her profile while her eyes darted along the words of the classic novel she’d plucked from the bookshelf in the corner. </p>
<p>She hated that this was all so new to her. Here she was, nearly thirty with hardly any experience with women. The only experience she had at all was with Edmund. She hadn’t known until recently that nothing that he did with her was right. His kisses were sloppy and uncomfortable. Without anything else to compare them to, Dani always just assumed she didn’t like kissing. Not just with him, but in general. If that was what it was supposed to be like, she didn’t understand what the big deal was. </p>
<p>But it wasn’t until two weeks ago when she was admittedly rather drunk that she learned what kissing was supposed to feel like. At first, Jamie had kissed her and held her like she was the frailest piece of porcelain, even pulling back to make sure that Dani truly felt comfortable with her. But even through the groping and raking of fingers against her scalp after she’d said yes, the au pair never felt like Jamie was trying to claim her as her own like Edmund would. Dani always felt like with every touch or kiss, he was trying to prove to her that she belonged with him, <em>to</em> him. She didn’t feel like that with Jamie. With her, she never felt forced or guilted into anything. </p>
<p>And it was the same with sex. She never felt anything but discomfort with him ever since their first time together, squished in the backseat of his dad’s station wagon when they were sixteen. She never understood the hype when she would gossip with the girls from work; When they would gather together in the teacher’s lounge, swapping stories of how good their husbands and boyfriends made them feel. Just like some people had an acquired taste for alcohol, maybe sex just wasn’t enjoyable for everyone. </p>
<p>But with Jamie, she understood the feelings her friends would talk about. The fireworks, the stars exploding behind their eyelids, the feeling that you’ve curled your toes so tightly that they’ll never go back to normal. She finally understood what cloud nine felt like.</p>
<p>“Jamie?” her voice shook slightly in the breathy whisper, swallowing the lump in her throat as she turned to face the brunette again. And once green eyes met blue, her vision tunnelled until all that was in the room was them. No paintings on the walls, no dusty bookshelves, no funeral dresses hung in the wardrobe. Just them. And Dani closed the space between them until her senses were filled with nothing but the woman beside her. The taste of toothpaste on her tongue, the delicate scent of ivory soap, breathy hums of approval in her ears, and gentle hands that had apparently cast the Charlotte Brontë novel aside, finding the blonde to be a much higher priority.</p>
<p>Dani hummed quietly and pushed herself closer, hands desperately groping for any part of Jamie she could reach, whether it was the ends of her hair that were damp from her shower or the soft flannel of the shirt that covered her shoulders. She just wanted her close. And she was sure that Jamie could hear the steady thudding of her heart in her chest. Especially in such a quiet room. </p>
<p>“I missed you,” she breathed desperately into Jamie’s mouth, eager but unskilled fingers reaching for the buttons of the flannel shirt that, at this point, was just in her way.</p>
<p>“I’ve been around,” the gardener chuckled against her lips, pecking gently as they both attempted to catch their breath for the moment.</p>
<p>“You know what I mean,” Dani pulled back with a heavy blush covering her face and dark lust in her eyes. Any anxieties or nerves she felt just minutes ago were already out the window. And just like always, she was left wondering what she had been so worked up about in the first place.</p>
<p>Jamie just nodded, a raspy chuckle coming from low in her throat as she leaned in to kiss her again, tugging gently at her hips to pull the au pair into her lap. Aside from a few stolen kisses in hotel bathrooms and mornings where they would wake up to find that they’d gravitated towards each other at some point in the night, this was the closest they’d been in what felt like forever. But as desperate as they both were, one of them had to keep a level head on their shoulders.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Jamie pulled back, chuckling again as Dani just moved her lips down to her jaw and neck, still fumbling with the buttons of her shirt, “Dani...” </p>
<p>But the blonde just hummed against her skin, shoving the fabric off her shoulders as best she could after giving up on a few crucial buttons. </p>
<p>“Dani,” she laughed through her own breathlessness, sitting up straighter against the headboard and gently pushing her back, “Owen’s, uh...literally right below us.” She couldn’t exactly use the excuse of Flora being right down the hall. If she was going to let that stop them every time, they’d never have sex again, considering wherever they ended up, Flora would likely have a room of her own right down the hall from theirs.</p>
<p>Raking her mussed up hair back from her face, Dani licked her lips and cleared her throat, a bit embarrassed about what had come over her. “I-I’m sorry,” she panted, climbing off Jamie’s lap and back into her spot beside her. </p>
<p>“No need to be,” she fixed her shirt back up over her shoulders, not bothering to redo the buttons that had been undone, “I just know if he hears a peep, we’ll never hear the end of it.”</p>
<p>The au pair released a bit of a laugh, still catching her breath as she fixed the skirt of her nightgown from where it had hiked up to her hips. “You’re right.”</p>
<p>“But…” the brunette reached for the lamp, switching it off so the only light in the room was the moonlight seeping through the curtains, “I do have to go back to my flat soon and get all that situated...if you feel like coming to help me pack up.”</p>
<p>“What about Flora?” Dani laid down under the blankets, resting her head on her pillow as Jamie did the same.</p>
<p>“Owen makes a fine babysitter,” she chuckled, “Only downside is we might come back to find she’s been stuffed with sugary pastries or covered in cake batter.”</p>
<p>Dani just giggled, leaning over through the dark space between them to capture Jamie’s lips in hers once more, nodding against her forehead to tell her that the idea was fine by her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>writing puns for owen is my new favorite hobby bye</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>it’s raining here. perfect time for sad girl shit.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A part of Dani felt bad for having a sliver of happiness in her chest when it was supposed to be such a sad day. The previous night had left her feeling so full, but so light at the same time. It had been just hours of conversation and stolen kisses in the dark with Jamie. There were moments where their fingers would link together lazily in moments of pure innocence, and moments where hands would roam, leaving implications of desire in their path.</p>
<p>Dani learned that Jamie was deathly afraid of heights and that she had broken her arm playing with her older brother when she was six. And Jamie learned that Dani was allergic to raspberries and had a crush on her seventh grade math teacher. Neither of them wanted the night to end. But when the clock on the nightstand hit 3:00, Dani got up to check on Flora before crawling back into bed with the brunette. And promises of other nights were exchanged once again. </p>
<p>Breakfast was quiet. Even Flora didn’t have much to say aside from a few questions. The only funeral she’d ever been to was one where empty caskets were lowered into the ground for her parents, and she’d spent years in that manor surrounded by ghosts that may as well have been living and breathing around her. It was confusing enough for the adults, they couldn’t imagine how confusing it must have been for her.</p>
<p>But she was well behaved, sitting still while Dani tied her hair back in a black ribbon to match her dress. She didn’t complain when she was told to finish her milk at breakfast. And she sat quietly in the back of Owen’s car with the au pair by her side, holding her hand on the silent car ride to the church. </p>
<p>The four of them were the only ones there who weren’t related to Hannah by blood or marriage, so Dani was thankful that she wasn’t a complete odd one out. Though, she was still the only American. But at least she had company in her little group of misfits. </p>
<p>The funeral itself was hard on all of them. Dani hated seeing Owen and Jamie so upset. And she hated not being able to hold the gardener’s hand to comfort her. But it was sweet seeing Flora holding tight to Owen’s hand where they sat beside her in the pew. The little girl didn’t know it, but she was providing Owen with the grounding force that he needed to keep himself together.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>xxx</strong>
  </p>
</div>If the ride to the church was quiet, the ride to the cemetery was even quieter, with the exception of the occasional sniffle coming from any of the three adults. The au pair’s heart felt so heavy, she could only imagine how Owen and Jamie felt after knowing Hannah for years. They really were a little found family all together in that big house. And it was just strange for Dani to think that she never knew Hannah at all. Only what was left of her, as the coroner determined that she’d died not long before Dani had arrived at the manor.<p>At the cemetery, she hung back with Flora, behind everyone else. The little girl didn’t want to see any of it, to a point that upon their arrival, she refused to leave the car. But she agreed when Dani promised that they would stand in the back of the small crowd, far enough away that all they would be able to see was everyone’s backs. </p>
<p>So that’s where they stood, together at the edge of the grass, nearly sinking into the ground that was soggy from the rain that had fallen earlier in the morning. Dani could hear Owen crying and Jamie’s frequent sniffling. It was heartbreaking just to hear from a few yards away, she didn’t think she’d be able to hold it together if they were up there at the burial plot with them.</p>
<p>A woman, who had earlier introduced herself to Dani as Hannah’s sister, eventually came around and passed out long stemmed white roses to everyone in attendance, even walking the bit of extra distance to come over to them.</p>
<p>“Thank you again for coming,” the woman offered them a watery smile which Dani returned before she started to walk back to the crowd.</p>
<p>“Thank you for the flower,” the eight year old called after her, smiling at the women with an innocent wave when she turned back to face her. Dani didn’t have the heart to tell her that the flower wasn’t really meant for her.</p>
<p>The sound of sniffles and sobs from the family got a bit more audible as they all started tossing their roses into the grave one by one, saying their final goodbyes to Hannah before they started to disperse. Owen and Jamie lingered a bit after tossing their roses in, the brunette rubbing the broken man’s back comfortingly as he wiped his tears.</p>
<p>They came over eventually, meeting up with Dani and Flora at the edge of the grass beside the path. It had taken a bit, but Owen had composed himself enough to not look like a complete wreck in front of Flora, not wanting to scare her. And though she wasn’t crying anymore, Jamie’s fair complexion gave her emotions away entirely. </p>
<p>The sight of her nose and cheeks tinted with a deep shade of pink was too much for Dani. She let go of Flora’s hand and closed the space between herself and Jamie, throwing her arms around her neck in a tight hug that she was glad to feel was returned. But the tighter she held onto her, the more Dani could feel Jamie’s body shake in her arms. It took everything she had not to press her forehead against hers, tuck loose curls behind her ear and pepper kisses around her blotchy pink face, whispering words of comfort.</p>
<p>With quiet sniffles, they both pulled back from the hug, keeping an emotional bit of eye contact before separating entirely, unaware that Flora had come up beside them. </p>
<p>“Jamie?” the eight year old tugged on the gardener’s hand, looking up at her curiously, “Why did everyone throw their flowers into the grave? That’s not the proper way to plant them.”</p>
<p>The purity of the question was enough to make Jamie crack a smile through the tears that were threatening to spill over once again. “Well,” she started, crouching down to Flora’s level, “When someone dies...in a lot of cultures, people like to send the person off with a bunch of flowers. And those flowers usually symbolize something.”</p>
<p>“What do these flowers symbolize?” </p>
<p>“White roses can mean different things to different people. Roses usually stand for love. And different colored roses can symbolize different kinds of love. But a lot of the time, the white ones are used to symbolize purity and innocence. So some people like to think that sending a loved one off with a big bunch of white roses will keep their soul safe and pure after they’re gone. And tossing them in is just a way of saying goodbye.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t get to say goodbye to Mrs. Grose. Not really,” she mumbled, looking down at the white rose in her hand. </p>
<p>“Do you wanna go give her your rose?” Jamie cupped the girl’s cheek carefully, her eyes warm and filled with deep empathy. None of them got to say a proper goodbye to Hannah. </p>
<p>Flora glanced between her, Dani and Owen, unsure of how to answer. “I want to say goodbye, but I don’t want to see her,” her voice quaked with a bit of fear. She liked the memories of Mrs. Grose that she had, she didn’t want to remember her as a body in a box. </p>
<p>The adults all remembered then that the only funeral Flora had ever been to was her parents’. Her only experience was watching empty caskets get lowered into the ground. So it wasn’t entirely surprising that her eight year old mind had come up with the idea that since Hannah’s body was here, she would have to see it.</p>
<p>“You can’t see her,” Jamie shook her head, “I promise.”</p>
<p>Swallowing thickly, Flora looked up at Dani who had her lip clenched tightly between her teeth as she fiddled without the rose stem in her hands. “Miss Clayton, are you going to come say goodbye too?” </p>
<p>“Yeah. Yeah, of course,” the blonde’s breath hitched in her throat as she tried to remain cool and collected for Flora’s sake. Jamie had already stood up straight, holding Flora’s free hand as they waited for Dani to walk with them. “Are you…” she turned to Owen, trying to ask him if he wanted to come with them, but he politely declined, insisting on going to warm up the car instead. Dani could just tell he needed a moment alone, and she understood completely. </p>
<p>She watched him walk away before turning to Jamie and Flora, walking with them up to the rectangle-shaped hole in the ground. The eight year old’s steps became more and more hesitant the closer they got, but neither of them rushed her. Dani just held her rose for her so she could hold onto both their hands tightly.</p>
<p>“She’s in the box under all the roses?” she wondered aloud, staring into the shallow grave where the polished wooden casket could be seen under the sea of white and green. </p>
<p>“Mmhm,” Dani nodded, though she was lost in her own thoughts and memories of the housekeeper, still trying to wrap her head around the fact that she really never knew her. She knew her ghost, her spirit that walked the grounds of Bly as if she were still alive. It didn’t make any sense how she was able to hug and shake hands with a ghost. But Hannah had always been kind to her, regardless. She welcomed Dani into the house like she belonged there and treated her with respect and kindness. And she just wished she had gotten to the manor sooner.</p>
<p>She tossed her rose into the sunken ground with a shaky hand, saying her goodbye in her head where it could stay incoherent and jumbled like the rest of her thoughts. It didn’t have to make a bit of sense when it wasn’t said out loud. </p>
<p>With a shivering sigh, she knelt down beside Flora, knees in the damp grass as she handed the little girl her flower. She rubbed her back gently through her black velvet dress while Jamie knelt onto the ground on the other side of her, holding her hand.</p>
<p>“Dead doesn’t mean gone, right?” she mumbled, looking back and forth between the two of them, “Even if I say goodbye, she’ll still be here?”</p>
<p>“If you want her to be,” Dani nodded, “She’ll always be with you if you remember her.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think I could ever forget Mrs. Grose,” Flora sniffled, twirling the stem of the rose in her fingers, hesitating to toss it in with the rest. Every time she tried, her arm retracted back as she became more and more shaken.</p>
<p>The au pair could feel the timid fear radiating off of the little girl, “Flora…”</p>
<p>“I don’t want to say goodbye.” Tears started to flow from her eyes as her face scrunched up with sadness, propelling the droplets from her eyes faster than she could wipe them away. “I don’t want to! What if I forget?”</p>
<p>“Okay, it’s okay,” Dani breathed, a bit panicked when Flora’s outburst escalated. She pulled the girl to her, letting her muffle her cries into her shoulder as she looked at Jamie in front of her. The brunette had tears in her eyes as well while Dani tried desperately to hold her own back. </p>
<p>They had all seen too much death in their lives, but Flora...no eight year old should have to say goodbye to as many people as Flora had. And as much as her heart already hurt from her own losses, Dani wished she could take all of Flora’s pain and sadness away. Jamie’s too. She’d take it all in if she could, so that they could be happy. </p>
<p>“I don’t want to forget Mrs. Grose,” Flora sobbed against the blonde’s shoulder, her body racked with tremors as the two women tried to calm her down, “I don’t want to say goodbye.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to,” Dani held her tightly, running a comforting hand down the back of her long hair, “You don’t have to, it’s okay.”</p>
<p>“Hey,” Jamie rubbed Flora’s back, her voice quiet and still a bit shaken as she tried to reel in her own emotions for her sake, “I’ve got an idea. Why don’t we keep your rose, okay? We’ll put it in its own little vase and keep it somewhere safe where you can always see it. And as long as it stays alive and fully bloomed like this, then you’ll always be reminded of Mrs. Grose when you see it, yeah?”</p>
<p>Flora turned to face her, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand as she sniffled, “But flowers die.”</p>
<p>“Mm-mm, not this one. I’ll make sure of it.”</p>
<p>“You can do that?”</p>
<p>“Am I not the best gardener you’ve ever met? I think I know a thing or two about flowers,” Jamie smirked, nudging the little girls arm gently in an attempt to get her to smile. And along with the small smile came a hug so tight that Jamie thought her eyes would pop out of her head. But she wrapped her arms around her small frame and gave her a reassuring squeeze as she sent Dani a bit of a grin of her own, not knowing that the blonde’s heart was ready to burst out of her chest.</p>
<p>After Flora had settled to just a few sniffles, she stayed pressed against the gardener, exhausted from crying so much. But Jamie just scooped her up, keeping her against her chest as she stood back up in the grass with Dani following her lead. “Think it’s time we went back to Owen’s for some lunch and some rest,” she sighed, watching the au pair brush grass off her black tights.</p>
<p>“Not a bad idea,” she sighed. Dani’s eyes were still hot and her face was still flushed and she had a feeling that she wasn’t finished crying just yet. But it made her happy to see Jamie interact with Flora. The woman was better with kids than she was probably willing to admit. “I’m pretty sure the car’s warmed up by now,” she thumbed back to Owen’s car with an awkward chuckle, earning a nod from Jamie before the three of them made their way back.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>xxx</strong>
  </p>
</div>“Hannah’s family is nice,” Dani sighed as she sat down on the couch, glancing out the window at the nearly full moon. Flora had been settled into bed for the night (with her white rose on Owen’s nightstand in a slim glass vase). And the adults were now sitting in solemn silence around the fireplace in Owen’s living room with a bottle of wine that was slowly disappearing.<p>“Yeah, they’re good people,” Owen nodded, swirling the red liquid around in his glass as he sat in the armchair closest to the fire. </p>
<p>Dani was seated a whole three couch cushions away from Jamie. Aside from the moment when their hands met under the table at the restaurant Owen had treated them to for dinner, they hadn’t interacted much since the funeral. The blonde knew that Jamie was still hurting. It was obvious on her face, but only when she knew Flora wasn’t looking. Now that Flora was asleep, however, the grief she’d been pushing aside was really starting to show, making it almost too tempting for Dani to call it another early night just so she could take her upstairs to hold and try to comfort her like she’d wanted to all day.</p>
<p>But the brunette didn’t wait long after Dani sat down on the opposite end of the couch to slide herself over until they were flush together, resting her tired head on the au pair’s shoulder with a comfortable hum. </p>
<p>Dani froze, her muscles tensing as she glanced nervously between Jamie and Owen. They’d only just started drinking, Jamie couldn’t have been drunk enough to forget that whatever relationship they had going on was a secret from everyone but themselves. </p>
<p>But then-</p>
<p>“About bloody time,” Owen chuckled, sipping his wine with a knowing smirk.</p>
<p>Jamie rolled her eyes and told him to shut up, taking a few swigs of her own.</p>
<p>Blindsided, Dani’s eyes just darted between them with her jaw slacked. “I-I...what, how-“</p>
<p>“Oh, let’s see,” he started, sitting up straighter in the armchair with a chuckle, “Could it have been the heart eyes you were giving each other for two straight weeks? Orrr maybe it was the way you both came barreling into the manor and up the stairs giggling like a couple of school girls just last week? Or the fact that you’re sharing my mother’s guest room when I offered the couch to one of you…”</p>
<p>As Owen spoke, Dani could feel all the blood that had drained from her face come rushing back, making her shift in her seat as she tried to think of something to say. </p>
<p>“Oi, would you stop making her uncomfortable?” Jamie tossed a throw pillow from the couch at him, “You know how she gets when she’s nervous.” At that comment, Dani just blushed harder, not that she was offended. Just embarrassed. Especially since she knew Jamie had a point.</p>
<p>“Ah, yes, how could I forget nearly being impaled with a fire poker?” he raised his glass, laughing when the blonde brought a hand up to cover her face.</p>
<p>“How many times do I have to apologize for that?”</p>
<p>“Who knows, really,” he shrugged, “I might remind you every few months.”</p>
<p>The gardener just rolled her eyes with a chuckle, mumbling ‘fucking wanker’ under her breath as she put her stocking covered feet up on the coffee table. </p>
<p>“Are we really that obvious?” Dani practically pouted. </p>
<p>“To <em>me</em> you are. But even if it wasn’t obvious, Flora sold you out to me yesterday while you lot were doing your laundry.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Mentioned something about the two of you holding hands on the car ride over.”</p>
<p>Jamie picked her head up and glanced at the woman beside her, the two of them sharing a moment of nervous eye contact before Owen continued.</p>
<p>“She’s just a kid, I don’t think she knows what’s really going on,” he said quickly in an attempt to ease their minds, “If she did, you know Flora, she’d ask. Even if she did know, I don’t think she’d have a problem. Charlotte and Dom didn’t raise the kids like that.”</p>
<p>Jamie’s shoulders relaxed a bit as she laid her head back on Dani’s shoulder, remembering a conversation between Flora and Charlotte not long after she started working at the manor.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Mummy, why does she dress like that?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Like what?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Flora pointed a finger at Jamie, not far from where she was knelt in the grass, pulling a few weeds from the dirt.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“She dresses like a boy. She doesn’t dress like a lady. And her clothes are always covered in dirt.”</em>
</p>
<p><em>It was an innocent comment from a five year old. Jamie wasn’t too concerned. Though, it did send her back through a few painful memories from primary school. The girls would make the same comments when they would mock her for wearing Denny’s hand-me-downs.</em> </p>
<p>
  <em>She watched from the corner of her eye as Charlotte knelt down in front of her daughter, pretending she hadn’t heard anything.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Well, she’s a gardener. What do you expect her to wear, silly girl? Those are her work clothes,” the woman’s voice was gentle as it always was, “But even if they were her regular, everyday clothes, you shouldn’t talk badly about how a person dresses, or how they look.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Why not?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Because it could hurt their feelings. How would you feel if you heard someone calling you names? Or making fun of the way you dress just because they don’t think it’s how you should look?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Very badly, I think,” Flora held tightly to her stuffed bunny.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Exactly. We don’t have the right to judge anyone but ourselves. And talking badly about other people doesn’t make us look very good either. But do you know what you could do?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“If you ever meet a person who’s different from you, and something about them confuses you, maybe you could try becoming their friend and you’ll understand them better.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Do you think the gardener would like to be my friend, Mummy?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt to ask,” Charlotte brushed her daughter’s wind-blown hair from her eyes before the little girl practically skipped over to where Jamie was working.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Hello. My name’s Flora.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Jamie looked up from the patch of weeds to see the girl smiling at her with a missing front tooth in her big grin. “Nice to meet you, Flora. You know that means ‘flower’ in Latin?” She couldn’t help but grin at the way her eyes lit up at the little piece of information. She wasn’t the biggest fan of kids, but she wasn’t about to tell a five year old to get lost. “I’m Jamie.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“That’s a lovely name,” she smiled even bigger before cocking her head to the side with child-like curiosity, “Jamie, do you always wear those overalls? Even to dinner?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The gardener couldn’t help but chuckle at the question. While Charlotte, who wasn’t standing far behind Flora, covered her face in embarrassment, laughing at her daughter’s bluntness.</em>
</p>
<p>“Anyway. Glad to see Jamie finally managed to find someone who doesn’t seem to mind a little dirt under her fingernails,” Owen smiled, eyeing Dani and leaning forward, “She may be a miracle worker with plants but she’s a rubbish cook, I’ll warn you right now.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, all right, you can make a sauce, but when’s the last time you brought a cactus back to life? A bloody <em>cactus</em>, mate.”</p>
<p>“Speaking of miracle working, what’s your plan for that rose?” Dani sipped at her wine and pulled her head back a bit so she could see Jamie’s face.</p>
<p>The brunette sighed, her cheeks puffing out with the deep breath she released. “I didn’t really have a plan when I said that, but…” she glanced over her shoulder, making sure Flora wasn’t lingering on the staircase before lowering her voice just in case, “I can probably get an artificial one from somewhere, as much as the very idea pains me. Put it somewhere where she can’t tell the difference. I know that’s cheating but-“</p>
<p>“No, that’s…” Dani cut in, flicking her tongue over her lips as she found herself at a loss for what to say, “Really smart, actually...and really sweet of you to do that for her.”</p>
<p>“She may not have finished secondary school, but she’s a bloody genius when it counts,” Owen smirked, laughing when Jamie got up and chucked a second throw pillow in his direction. </p>
<p>“I’m out of pillows over here, you prat. Next thing I throw is the wine bottle,” the brunette warned, only half joking. </p>
<p>Dani just laughed, gently tugging on Jamie’s arm to pull her back down to relax against her, which she did without a fight, of course. She was glad that the air seemed lighter as the mood in the room lifted. </p>
<p>“In all seriousness, though, I think it’s great what you two are doing for Flora. God knows where she’d be if she were left in Henry’s care after all this,” the man across from them downed the last of his wine before hunching over towards the coffee table for a refill, “I know things are hard for him too since the accident, but you do what you have to do for kids, y’know? Just sad that he can’t bring himself to do it.”</p>
<p>The two women just nodded in agreement, sipping slowly at their own drinks.</p>
<p>“But hey,” Owen spoke again, holding up his refilled glass, “Everything happens for a <em>riesling</em>.”</p>
<p>“I know that wasn’t a fucking wine pun,” Jamie brought a hand to her face, groaning in pure affectionate frustration.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you for reading, see ya next week! :) &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi lovelies! happy monday!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You’re gonna be good for Owen, right?” Dani quirked an eyebrow at Flora, kneeling to say goodbye to her for a few hours. </p>
<p>“Please, we should be asking Owen if he’ll be good for <em>her</em>,” Jamie rolled her eyes with a chuckle, twisting and tying her curly hair back into a large clip as she stood by the front door.</p>
<p>The eight year old nodded her head, “I will. Owen said we might go to the bakery in the village!” her eyes widened with excitement before a kiss was placed on her forehead.</p>
<p>“Not too many sweets, please,” Dani glanced over at Owen with a pointed look, standing back upright. She was nervous. Maybe too nervous. Aside from the times Jamie would watch her while she had to deal with Henry, Dani hadn’t been farther than a room away from Flora since their last day at the manor. Being away from her was one thing, being away from her in the town they were supposed to be far away from was different. But she trusted Owen. And she had to take her own advice. Just like Flora needed to learn to sleep by herself, Dani needed to learn to be okay with being away from her for a few hours. </p>
<p>“Ten cupcake maximum,” Owen held his hand up in a ‘scout’s honor’ way, earning a warning gaze from Jamie before he just laughed and ushered them towards the door, “Go on, you two. <em>Donut</em> worry, she’s in good hands. I won’t <em>dessert</em> her.”</p>
<p>“I’m gonna kill him,” Jamie grumbled under her breath after he hit them with two puns in a row. But a laughing Dani managed to tug her out the door before she had a chance to punch him on the shoulder.</p>
<p>“You guys are funny,” the blonde smiled as they walked to the truck, accidentally veering towards the driver’s side for a moment. Somehow she still wasn’t used to the cars and roads being backwards here. </p>
<p>Jamie just snorted a gentle laugh and shook her head. “Guess he’s a better big brother than my actual one was,” she rolled her eyes, “Still wanna sock him every time one of those puns comes from his mouth, though.”</p>
<p>“You know you love them,” the blonde teased, eyeing her with a smile as they both got situated in the truck.</p>
<p>“Maybe, but I can’t admit it to him or he’ll never let me hear the end of it.”</p>
<p>Dani laughed as the truck rumbled to life. Flora and Owen stood in the doorway, waving goodbye to them with happy, smiling faces as Jamie backed the truck up. But soon the two disappeared from view as they took off down the road.</p>
<p>
  <em>Everything will be fine.</em>
</p>
<p>“The pub’s not too far from here,” Jamie’s calm voice watered down her worries, “One good thing about Bly is everything’s pretty close together. The manor’s the only thing that’s out there on its own.”</p>
<p>“Mm...I would say that sounds nice, but...I know it probably isn’t if it’s anything like the small towns back home.”</p>
<p>“Location, wise, it’s nice. You don’t have to venture too far to get your groceries or go visit a friend, but it also means everyone is in everyone else’s business. Everyone knows everything about everybody.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I know that feeling,” Dani unconsciously reached for Jamie’s knee as she drove, shifting closer to her on the bench, “I lived in a pretty small town. So it wasn’t just me and Eddie’s parents who expected us to get together, it was...everyone.”</p>
<p>“Let me guess,” Jamie smirked, “You were the prom queen?”</p>
<p>“Junior and senior,” she blushed, “And homecoming queen...and Miss Teen Iowa….”</p>
<p>“Oh, Dani. You already told me you were a cheerleader but please tell me you weren’t a pageant girl too.”</p>
<p>The blonde just laughed, the blush on her cheeks creeping down to her neck, “Okay, in my defense, I did it for the scholarship money.”</p>
<p>“I would’ve curtsied when I met you if I knew I was in the presence of royalty,” Jamie smirked.</p>
<p>Blue eyes nearly rolled back in her head with how annoying she thought her high school experience was. Because, as usual, none of it was her choice. Sure, she met some great people and had fun, but it never really felt like <em>her</em>. But she was never really able to figure out who <em>she</em> was. Not back then.</p>
<p>“I guess it felt like royalty in a way that everyone’s eyes are on you, expecting you to be perfect and succeed at everything you do,” she sighed, running her thumb across Jamie’s knuckles, watching the way her slim fingers linked tightly with her own. She wasn’t even sure when she had taken Jamie’s hand, or vice versa.</p>
<p>“Just the opposite for me, really,” the brunette shrugged, “Everyone was always expecting me to fail. So dropping out of school, ending up in juvenile detention and then prison wasn’t a surprise to any of them.”</p>
<p>“I-I’m sorry,” Dani stammered, attempting to pull her hand away, “I didn’t mean-“</p>
<p>Jamie managed to silence her by bringing her hand to her lips, pecking her knuckles gently with a smile, “It’s all good, Poppins. Wouldn’t have my life any other way. It all lead me here, right?”</p>
<p>The au pair just watched her with a smile of her own, feeling warm relief spread through her veins. Jamie was something else. She was unlike anyone Dani had ever met before. Everyone back home was so fake. They would be nice to your face and then whatever gossip they spread about you while your back was turned would spread like wildfire. </p>
<p>But Jamie…</p>
<p>Jamie was authentic. She wasn’t two-faced or vindictive. If she had a problem with you, she told you so that you could work through it instead of being petty. She was real. She knew life was too short to get caught up in drama. And with people like that being such a rarity, it made sense to Dani why she preferred plants.</p>
<p>“I’ll let you up first,” Jamie pulled the truck into a parked position before Dani even realized that they had arrived, “Hopefully it won’t be too long. But I’d rather have you hang out alone upstairs than have you surrounded by a bunch of handsy old drunks.”</p>
<p>“It’s barely ten in the morning,” the blonde snorted.</p>
<p>“Yeah, that means nothing to some of the regulars here,” Jamie rolled her eyes, “As long as the pub’s open, it’s time to drink.” She got out of the truck before coming around to meet Dani at the passenger side, watching with a bit of a nervous grin as the blonde adjusted her denim jacket on her shoulders. She wished she could take her hand, but she knew that would make what was waiting for them behind the doors even worse. </p>
<p>With a sigh, the gardener lead the way up the little path, making sure her companion was in close proximity before opening the main entrance door. </p>
<p>First thing Dani noticed was the pungent smell of beer and cigarettes; Nothing she hadn’t smelled before. The second was the amount of dirt-covered men there were in the room. Most of them looked like they went straight to the pub after clocking out from an overnight shift. It made sense why they would be drinking at this hour, if that was the case. </p>
<p>“Come on,” Jamie took hold of Dani’s wrist, knowing too well that holding her hand in front of these guys wasn’t going to do her any favors. As it was, nearly all of them had turned to face them, hurling whistles and cat-calls in their direction. </p>
<p>“Jamie!” a middle aged man sitting at the bar slurred her name as the door closed behind them, “Who’s’yer friend?”</p>
<p>“Not now, Tom,” the brunette rolled her eyes, trying to reach the door in the back before anyone could get to Dani. </p>
<p>“Wait, wait,” he breathed and hiccuped, reaching a flimsy hand out and grabbing onto the hem of the blonde’s jacket with a weak tug, but it was strong enough to stop her from going any farther, “She’s pretty, I’ve n’ver seen’er in town before. What’s’yer name, sweetheart?”</p>
<p>Dani didn’t even have time to react to the scent of his breath, let alone his question before Jamie was ripping his hand from her jacket and shoving his shoulders, pointing a firm, accusing finger in his face.</p>
<p>“Put your hands on her again, Tom, and I swear to god, I’ll-“</p>
<p>“Okay, okay,” he held his hands up, bringing one quickly to his mouth to burp into his fist, “Just tryin’ to be friendly.”</p>
<p>Jamie rolled her eyes at him again, shaking her head. “Why don’t you go home to your wife and be friendly with her for a change?” she muttered, turning back around and taking a firm grip on Dani’s hand to lead her to the door. At this point, she didn’t care who saw. </p>
<p>Turning the rickety bronze colored knob, the brunette let Dani into the cramped stairwell first and closed the door behind them. “You all right?” she asked through a labored breath as she leaned against the wooden door, “Sorry to rush you through there, but...as you saw, it’s not every day they see a pretty blonde such as yourself.”</p>
<p>Dani just laughed, blushing a bit in the dim lighting of the stairwell that seemed to double as a storage closet according to the milk crates of glasses and beer steins on the edges of the steps. “I’m fine,” she nodded, “I was a waitress at a sports bar in college, so...nothing I haven’t dealt with before.”</p>
<p>“You’re certainly full of surprises,” the other woman released a breath of laughter and shook her head, still holding onto her hand as she started up the steps, “Watch your step.”</p>
<p>Maneuvering around boxes that Jamie was kicking aside on the way up, Dani couldn’t help but smile. Sure, she thought that her first time seeing Jamie’s apartment was going to be under much different circumstances, but she was excited to see it regardless. She could only imagine what it was like. And what she walked into when the door was unlocked wasn’t much different than what she expected.</p>
<p>It was a cozy little space with more plants than anything, of course. There was a couch and a small kitchen. There was a stocked bookshelf in the corner, filled with what appeared to be worn out classics, an open doorway to what must be Jamie’s bedroom, and another closed door that Dani could only assume was the bathroom. It was all just so...Jamie. </p>
<p>“S’not Buckingham Palace, but…” she shrugged, “suits me just fine. Just wish I had a way in and out that wasn’t through the bloody pub.”</p>
<p>“No, I love it. Very homey,” Dani grinned, still glancing around in awe as if she were actually on a tour of Buckingham Palace.</p>
<p>Jamie just tucked her hands into the back pockets of her jeans and rocked on her feet, glancing around as well with a bit of pride. It wasn’t extravagant, but it was hers. “Well, make yourself comfortable. I’ve got nothing to hide, so feel free to snoop.” </p>
<p>“Do you want me to help you pack anything? Just to get started?”</p>
<p>“Nah, we’ll take care of that when I get back. Just relax for now.” She stepped forward, pressing a chaste kiss to her flushed cheek, watching the tint get deeper when she pulled back. “Back soon, Poppins.”</p>
<p>Biting her lip, Dani watched her go with an admittedly awkward wave before the door closed, leaving her alone. She sighed as she looked around. She had permission to look around, but it still felt like she was invading just being there alone in the first place. But she started walking around anyway, slowly, as to not break or disrupt anything. </p>
<p>She ended up in front of the bookshelf, running a finger over the cloth hardcover bindings of the books. Just about every classic she could imagine was there, as well as a few Dani had never heard of. Little potted succulents and cacti served as bookends, plants that she knew didn’t need as much care as others, though she doubted Jamie loved them any less.</p>
<p>Her eyes found a small picture frame that she couldn’t help but pick up to get a closer look at. In the faded color print was a man and a heavily pregnant woman, both looking happy enough for the photo. A boy standing in front of the man, maybe about nine years old at the oldest. And to his left in front of the woman, was a little curly-haired Jamie, beaming in her too-large overalls with wild hair and two missing front teeth. The cast on her arm told Dani that she must have been about six in the photo.</p>
<p>Dani just smiled affectionately, running her fingertip over the dusty glass that covered little Jamie’s face as she remembered what would come not too long after the photo was taken. The baby in the woman’s stomach wasn’t her husband’s. And the bright-eyed little girl in the photo would get bullied relentlessly by other children and adults around town as a result. Years after that would come foster care, then juvie, then prison. And not long after that would come Bly. And then...this.</p>
<p><em>“Wouldn’t have my life any other way,”</em> the brunette’s words from earlier echoed in her mind, reminding her that as tragic as her past was, it shaped her into the person that she was today. And the person she was today was someone that Dani would assume hung the stars in the sky if she didn’t know any better. </p>
<p>Putting the frame down, she walked around the living room a bit more, feeling more at home the longer she looked around. A grin broke out on her face when she saw a drawing hanging on the fridge. It was an uncanny image of Jamie made of scribbles, surrounded by multiple colored flowers with <em>’Flora Wingrave, age 6’</em> in scratchy handwriting on the top with a few backwards letters. </p>
<p>Not much else decorated the fridge aside from a few magnets and papers. Plants topped the cabinets and counters, some looking a bit more neglected than others. But considering Jamie hadn’t been around to water them every day, it was expected. She wondered if she should water them for her, but decided against it. With her luck with plants, she’d end up killing them all from overwatering. </p>
<p>Dragging her fingertips along the wall, she peeked into the bathroom. More plants, of course, but a standard bathroom nevertheless. One thing Dani noticed was that as rundown as the building looked outside, Jamie didn’t seem to have a single flaw in her living space. No cracked tiles, no warped wood from water damage. Not even any wine stains on the rugs or chipped paint on the walls. The place was well taken care of.</p>
<p>She sighed as she approached the bedroom, feeling her heart clench in her chest. It was just a room. To anyone else, there was nothing special about it. With a simple full-size mattress against the middle of the wall, old floral wallpaper, and of course, more plants. But this was <em>Jamie’s</em> room. And to Dani, that was something special. </p>
<p>The room seemed warmer than the rest of the little apartment. Maybe it was just because it got more sunlight, but the blonde truly felt comfortable in the 10x10 room. A few clothes were strewn about from when Jamie was likely in a rush to pack, but aside from that, everything looked generally clean and normal. </p>
<p>She spotted a record player in the corner, making a grin break out on her face as she rushed towards it, being careful not to trip over the edge of the rug. There was a milk crate full of records beside the turntable and she planned on taking full advantage of her permission to snoop. She knew Jamie loved Blondie. The t-shirt she always wore made it obvious that the band was her favorite, but she was interested in what other music she listened to.</p>
<p>There were a few that we’re newer than others. Bon Jovi and Pat Benatar being two of the few. But most of them were older. Simon &amp; Garfunkel, The Drifters, Fleetwood Mac, as well as a few that Dani had never heard of. She was a little disappointed to find anything that she could tease Jamie about, considering how much the brunette had teased her for liking artists like Madonna and The Go-Go’s. </p>
<p><em>“The Go-Go’s are a rock band!”</em> she had gasped, deeply offended when Jamie said she didn’t like her favorite group.</p>
<p><em>“That is <strong>pop</strong> music,”</em> the gardener chuckled, <em>“Drums and guitars don’t automatically make it a rock band, Poppins.”</em></p>
<p>Instead, with a bit of a grin, she put on whatever was sitting on the turntable, whatever Jamie played last. </p>
<p><em>Crying, Laughing, Loving, Lying</em> she turned her head to see the record title. She’d never heard of Labi Siffre.</p>
<p>Gently resting the needle on the record, she listened to the gentle scratching sound before the music started. </p>
<p>
  <em>Crying, crying never did nobody no good, no how. That’s why I, I don’t cry.</em>
</p>
<p>The music was soothing. Almost too soothing. Dani didn’t take Jamie for someone who would listen to anything like this. It was folksy, almost americana, slow and gentle. And she could only imagine Jamie curling up with a book and a glass of wine with this record playing gently in the background. </p>
<p>
  <em>Laughing, laughing sometimes does somebody some good somehow. That’s why I, I’m laughing now.</em>
</p>
<p>The tempo picked up just a little as the blonde sat down on the edge of the bed, just listening. </p>
<p>
  <em>Loving, loving never did me no good, no how, no how. That’s why I can’t love you now.</em>
</p>
<p>A smile crept to her lips as she laid back against the pillows, the distinct smell of ivory soap and cigarettes that was just so <em>Jamie</em> wafting off the pillow below her head.</p>
<p>
  <em>Lying, lying never did nobody no good, no how, no how. So why am I lying now?</em>
</p>
<p>Her eyes drifted closed, too content in the moment to keep them open. Thoughts of the gardener filled her mind. The way she would leave a streak of dirt on her forehead when she would wipe away sweat or hair that had fallen in her face. The way her forehead would crinkle and her nose would scrunch up when she was focused on something, not thinking that anyone was looking. The way she always put others before herself and cared way more than she claimed to, putting up a front to protect herself.</p>
<p>
  <em>So why am I lying now?</em>
</p>
<p>Turning into the pillow under her, Dani breathed in the familiar comforting scent and allowed her body to relax as the song ended, moving onto the next as she started to drift off to the sound of gentle acoustic guitar.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>xxx</strong>
  </p>
</div>“Not every day I come home to find a beautiful woman in my bed,” the sound of Jamie’s voice stirred the blonde out of her slumber.<p>Squinting in the early afternoon glow of the sun, Dani looked around the room as Labi Siffre continued to come through the sound system. “Oh my god, I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“</p>
<p>“Poppins, it’s fine. I told you to make yourself comfortable,” the brunette chuckled low in her throat and came over to the bed, laying down beside her with a heavy sigh.</p>
<p>“How long were you downstairs?” Dani wiped at the corner of her mouth as she usually did when she first woke up, praying that she hadn’t drooled on Jamie’s pillow. She’d embarrassed herself enough in front of her.</p>
<p>Glancing at the watch on her wrist, Jamie shrugged her shoulders before turning onto her side to face her, “About forty-five minutes. Almost an hour. I didn’t think it would take so long, but Gertie’s a bit nosy. Wouldn’t stop asking where I was headed in such a rush and why.”</p>
<p>“What did you tell her?” </p>
<p>Jamie watched as the blonde laid her head back down, looking over at her with those irresistible blue eyes that were just hypnotizing. “Told her I was running off with the circus.”</p>
<p>“Did you now?” the au pair smirked, rolling her eyes as she tried to contain her laughter.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah. Told her I was scouted to be a tightrope walker. No net, even. I’m the newest star attraction.”</p>
<p>“Hmm. You strike me as more of a lion tamer.”</p>
<p>Jamie just chuckled and shook her head as Dani moved a bit closer to her on the mattress. “She wished us luck in America. Told me to write every now and then,” she mumbled, flicking her tongue over her lips as she watched Dani’s eyes lower to follow the movement. “You a fan of Labi?”</p>
<p>“Hm?” blue eyes were still glued to her lips.</p>
<p>“Labi Siffre? The record you put on?” </p>
<p>“Oh, right,” Dani tore her eyes away, meeting Jamie’s again as her cheeks flamed up, “I had never heard of him before.”</p>
<p>“One of my favorites,” she moved a bit closer to her with a slight nod of her head, listening as the song ‘Watch Me’ filled the room.</p>
<p>“I-I didn’t really think you’d be into anything like this.”</p>
<p>“Well, he’s no Belinda Carlisle, but,” Jamie offered her a teasing grin, laughing as she got a shove to the shoulder in return. </p>
<p>“Say what you want, ‘Mad About You’ is a great s—“</p>
<p>The rest of Dani’s comment was lost and left completely irrelevant as the kiss Jamie placed on her lips became her main focus. That and the feeling of a warm hand cupping her jaw were all she could think about. She hummed against her lips, sliding her tongue slowly, wantonly, against the gardener’s. Trembling fingers fisted the sides of the soft t-shirt that covered her sides in a desperate attempt to pull her closer, wanting to feel more of her. <em>All</em> of her. </p>
<p>“Jamie…” she breathed, unsure of what she was meaning to follow it up with. Just <em>Jamie</em>. All she wanted, all she needed, was Jamie. And the way the brunette gently eased the denim jacket off Dani’s shoulders and gripped onto the fabric of her long cotton skirt, she had a feeling that she was wanted just the same.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>do i update again before christmas or nah?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>merry christmas eve if you celebrate it!!! happy thursday if you don’t!l i’m here with my pre-christmas update, as requested :D</p><p>also i made a rating change juuuuuust in case</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Stirring with a breathy hum, Dani blinked her eyes open and nestled further into the warmth around her. The air in the room was cool against her bare back and shoulders, but the woman beside her radiated a warmth she’d never known before this past week, both literally and figuratively. Shifting herself a bit closer, she allowed her legs to tangle with Jamie’s, instantly feeling more comfortable. She wasn’t sure what time it was. The sun was still out, so it couldn’t have been too late in the day. But the record had ended, so quite a bit of time must have passed.</p><p>Her eyes trailed over the brunette’s face, smiling at the way a few wild curls fell against her forehead from when she had taken the large clip out of her hair. Her cheeks and nose contrasted her fair skin with a shade of pink, likely from the natural warmth her body kept. </p><p>Sighing peacefully, Dani pushed herself a bit closer, unable to resist tracing the cupid’s bow of Jamie’s upper lip with the tip of her index finger. The fact that she was real was still something the blonde was wrapping her mind around. How was it possible that after everything she’d been through in her 28 years, she was waking up in a comfortable state of bliss next to this person? Dani knew there was no such thing as perfect. Nobody was 100% flawless. But to her, Jamie was about as perfect as someone could be. </p><p>Dark eyebrows twitched and furrowed, making it difficult for Dani to hold back the giggle that slipped past her lips. Jamie, once she gained a bit more consciousness, pecked at the fingertip that was resting against her full bottom lip, hardly saying a hello before she leaned up and planted her lips against the au pair’s. </p><p>Breaths of light, blissful laughter passed between them as Jamie pulled her in closer with warm hands on her bare hips, running her fingers delicately over the skin that was littered with marks from eager touches, desperate to bring her closer in the moments not too long ago. And she knew her own skin probably looked the same, likely paired with a few crescent shaped indents from Dani’s nails. </p><p>“Morning,” the gardener smirked, just barely pulling back from the kiss before tracing her jawline down to her neck with her lips. Slow and gentle, but just as teasing as ever. </p><p>Dani just chuckled and looked over her shoulder at her alarm clock, “Afternoon, actually.”</p><p>“It’s morning somewhere.”</p><p>Rolling her eyes, Dani just laughed as Jamie pulled her in closer. She could feel her skin heat up with every movement the brunette made. From the kisses on her neck and shoulder to the way her hand trailed down to the back of her bare thigh, tugging it slowly over her hip. “Jamie…” she breathed shakily into the mess of curly brown hair at her neck. </p><p>Dani wanted her to keep going, keep her hands and fingers moving until stars were exploding in her blue eyes like never before. In the two times they’d been together, she was pretty sure that Jamie had racked her body with enough pleasure to last her <em>two</em> lifetimes; Pleasure she didn’t even know she was capable of feeling. And maybe she was a little greedy. Who knew when they would get time alone like this again?</p><p>But it was nearing 1PM and they hadn’t even made a dent in packing up  Jamie’s things. In fact, Dani still had no idea what she planned to do with everything. She couldn’t carry it all with her across the ocean. But every time her brain began to think logically about getting up to pack, Jamie’s lips were moving back up to her own, making it impossible to say no. And the second Jamie’s tongue met hers, the blonde had her arms wrapped around her neck, wanting nothing more than to feel every inch of her all over again. </p><p>Packing be damned. At least for now.</p><p>But of course, the phone rang in the other room, ringing so loudly through the small flat that it made Dani flinch back with a gasp as if they’d been caught.</p><p>“That’s-“ she pulled back further, sitting up and pulling the comforter to her chest like someone was going to walk in any minute, “That’s probably Owen.”</p><p>“Right,” Jamie sighed quietly and reached to the end of the bed for her t-shirt, pulling it on as the phone kept ringing. </p><p>Meanwhile, Dani just watched, transfixed, unable to tear her eyes away from the way Jamie’s t-shirt landed right at her porcelain upper thighs; The burgundy contrasting harshly against her fair skin. She wasn’t used to this, this feeling of being with someone that she actually <em>wanted</em> to be with. It was new, not trying to avoid physical contact in fear of it leading to something she didn’t want. Because she absolutely did want it. Even the sight of Jamie’s t-shirt gently lapping against her thighs as she left the room was driving her crazy. </p><p>When the phone was picked up in the other room, Dani made quick work of getting re-dressed, pulling her skirt up over the hem of her white t-shirt and foregoing the denim jacket for now, since they were inside. And after throwing her mussed up hair into a ponytail, she paced out into the main living space, looking to where Jamie was leaned against the counter kitchen counter in a lively conversation. </p><p>The brunette’s eyes lifted to meet hers with a wink and a crooked smile. “She’s right here, you wanna talk to her?” she spoke into the phone in the voice that Dani knew was reserved for Flora. She was pretty sure every adult had a particular tone of voice that only came out when they were talking to kids. “One sec.”</p><p>The blonde stepped forward on the knotty pine floor as the phone was held out to her. Though, she didn’t let Jamie get past her without a slow kiss to her lips, just because she could. </p><p>Biting her lip as Jamie passed her with a smirk, the blonde leaned against the counter and brought the phone up to her ear. “Hello?”</p><p><em>“Hello, Miss Clayton!”</em> Flora’s cheery voice greeted her on the other end. She didn’t sound too wound up from sugar, as far as she could tell. That was a good sign. </p><p>“Hey, sweet girl. You having fun with Owen?”</p><p>
  <em>“Yes, he let me dial the phone! We went to the bakery and I had a chocolate croissant <strong>and</strong> a strawberry cupcake, which was divine!”</em>
</p><p>“Sounds yummy. I hope you finished your lunch first, though,” she chuckled.</p><p>
  <em>“Of course. Owen made us macaroni and cheese sandwiches! But he also said if I wanted to go to the bakery, I had to eat some salad and at least five pieces of broccoli as well.”</em>
</p><p>Dani just raised her eyebrows in a bit of shock at Owen’s authority. In the time she’d known him, he was never really the type to make the kids eat anything they didn’t want to. That job was usually left to her or Hannah.</p><p><em>“But it didn’t taste too terrible. Owen even put his broccoli <strong>in</strong> his sandwich! And said it tasted delicious!”</em> the little girl giggled into her ear through the phone as Jamie reappeared in the bedroom doorway, her jeans pulled on and her hair slung back up into her large hair clip. </p><p><em>“When are you and Jamie coming back?”</em> Flora asked as if she could sense that Jamie had just entered the room. </p><p>“Uh, soon. We just have to start packing up some of Jamie’s things and we’ll be back.”</p><p>
  <em>“Start packing? Miss Clayton, you’ve been gone for hours, what have you been doing all this time?”</em>
</p><p>Her throat ran dry as she cringed, words now somehow completely lost in her head. She looked to Jamie as if she could help come up with some kind of G rated excuse, but she was distracted putting a kettle over the flame of the small gas stove. “Hey, uh, can you put Owen on the phone?” she asked with a nervous chuckle, avoiding the question completely. </p><p>There was a bit of a shuffling noise on the other end, followed by Flora’s distant voice telling Owen that they hadn’t started packing yet</p><p><em>“Tsk tsk,”</em> the man tutted into the phone. Dani could only imagine the knowing smirk that was lingering under his mustache, <em>“What a pair of slackers, the two of you.”</em></p><p>Her face heated up with fiery embarrassment as she ran a hand over the back of her neck, clearing her throat uncomfortably. “We, um...I-“ she started, choking on her own tongue as she tried to form words, “Th-thank you for, uh...for telling her to eat her vegetables.”</p><p>Owen just laughed on the other end as she mentally kicked herself. <em>“Well, <strong>lettuce</strong> be grateful that she doesn’t put up too much of a fuss about it. Tell Jamie I said that, would you?”</em></p><p>Dani just pursed her lips together to hide her amused grin as she glanced over at the gardener who just looked back at her curiously. “Uhh, no, I don’t think I want to,” she chuckled, turning back away from her to face the wall, “But um...we’ll be back soon. Thanks again for keeping an eye on Flora for us.”</p><p><em>“Oh, anytime. She’s been a delight, as usual. If you don’t think you’ll make it home for dinner, just call me up and let me know. But y’know, spare me the details,”</em> he chuckled, making Dani blush with a nervous laugh once more before they said their goodbyes and hung up. </p><p>“What was that about?” Jamie’s brows knit together as she leaned her hip against the counter, arms folded across her chest.</p><p>Blue eyes just rolled as Dani shook her head and moved closer to her, “He wanted me to pass on a vegetable pun.”</p><p>“Christ.”</p><p>Jamie’s reactions to Owen’s comedic timing were funnier than the puns themselves, in the blonde’s opinion. “Admit it, you’re gonna miss his corny jokes,” Dani smirked, wrapping her arms around Jamie’s waist so they were both leaning against the polished wood of the kitchen counter.</p><p>“It’s Owen, I doubt he’ll even give me the time to miss them,” the gardener snorted as her arms looped around Dani’s neck, “Wouldn’t be surprised if he flew all the way to bloody Vermont and showed up on our doorstep just to share a new one he came up with.”</p><p>Despite biting her lip in an attempt to hide it, the blonde’s grin nearly reached her ears at the reminder that they would <em>have</em> a doorstep for Owen to show up on in the near future. In Vermont, where the leaves would turn overwhelmingly colorful in the fall before the snow would come down to coat the whole state in a sheet of white. And once the snow melted away, they would get to enjoy mild springs and warm summers doing whatever the hell they wanted. </p><p>Her infectious smile had spread to Jamie’s face, though the brunette’s eyebrows were still furrowed in confusion. “What?”</p><p>“Just excited,” Dani shrugged, not letting her grin falter, “Ready to get there and start fresh.”</p><p>“Well, if we’re gonna get there, we better start actually packing, haven’t we, Poppins?” she chuckled against her lips as she leaned in for a kiss, keeping her hands in innocent positions this time before she pulled back, brushing past the au pair so that they could get started.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>xxx</strong>
  </p>
</div><em>“Miles?”</em><p>
  <em>“It’s too late,” Rebecca looked at her with such remorse, as if there were no chance that she could be wrong, “It’s too late, but not for her. Get her away from here.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Those words echoed in her head so fiercely, so loudly, as if this weren’t the first time she’d heard them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You get her as far away from this house as you possibly can.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She couldn’t feel her arms and legs, likely the result of being tied up to a pillar in the attic for god knows how long. She only knew that Flora was untying her because 1. she could see the little girl shuffling beside her, and 2. she felt like she had done this before…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Th-thank you,” she mumbled to the woman in black on her other side, blinking her eyes through the tears and sweat, fighting the urge to collapse from exhaustion back against the wooden beam. But before she could even collect herself, she was rushing Flora down the stairs, stumbling over her own wobbly legs on the way.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What about Miles?” Flora cried as they found themselves running outside in the cold, foggy night air.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s okay! We just gotta get out of here!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Where are we going?!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t know, anywhere! Anywhere!” her teeth chattered from adrenaline, still unable to feel her legs as she kept them moving. It all felt so real, so familiar until—</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No!” Flora stopped in her tracks firmly enough to tug her au pair back to stop her from running, “I don’t like this game!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dani shhed her frantically, not wanting Miles...Peter...wherever he was, to hear them trying to make their escape.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m not leaving!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Flora!” the blonde held the little girl’s arms, desperately trying to calm her down.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“And you can’t make me!” she shot in her face, turning around back towards the house willfully, “Miles!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dani begged her as she screamed for her brother, begged her to stay quiet, begged her to just <strong>run</strong> with her. But the precocious eight year old wasn’t having any of it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Miles, where are you?!” Flora’s shrill cry into the night was the last thing the au pair heard before she saw her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The faceless lady.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She wasn’t stalking towards them this time. Not slowly approaching. Instead, she was right in front of them when Dani turned around. And the blonde barely had any time to register what she was seeing before cold, wet fingers were wrapped tightly around her neck, dragging her along on a predetermined path.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Flora’s screams of terror were muffled in her ears as she struggled against the ghostly woman. Who she was, what she wanted, why she was here...Dani had no idea. All she knew was that everything was going dark around her, leaving her only conscious of Flora’s yelling in the distance and the feeling of icy fingers on her neck.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. This wasn’t right…</em>
</p><p>Jerking up in the darkness, Dani reached for her neck, trying to claw away the cold fingers that were turning her whole body to ice. She couldn’t breathe, she was freezing from the inside out. The lady still had a hold on her, dragging her through the dirt and gravel. She gasped for air as if she were being dragged underwater, trying to fill her lungs in a desperate attempt to stay alive. And it was dark all around her. </p><p>“Dani,” a voice was muffled in her water-logged ears. It was a familiar voice that had brought her so much comfort before. A warm, gentle hand wrapped around her wrist that was still prying chilled fingers from her throat. And the blonde tried so hard to focus on that voice and that warmth. </p><p>“Dani, baby, you’re okay,” the voice rang in her ear again as she willed herself to find where it was coming from. It shhed her quietly and it spoke words of comfort. The ice block in the pit of her stomach started to melt as warm hands spread around her frozen, shivering body.</p><p>“You’re okay. You’re okay,” the voice repeated, coming in clearer as Dani started to breathe a little easier.</p><p>Light started to come into vision. Not much. Just the moonlight seeping in through the curtains. But it was bright as the sun in comparison to the darkness she’d been stuck in. </p><p>The lady was gone. Cold fingers were removed from her neck as the warm touch slowly pulled her own hand away. “Jesus, you’re freezing,” the voice whispered before palms were rubbing up and down her arms, generating a heat that continued to spread through the au pair’s body. </p><p>“J-J-Jamie?” Dani shivered, practically vibrating in place. </p><p>“I’m here,” the voice said again. It was Jamie. Of course it was Jamie. Jamie had always been there, even before Dani knew she was. “I’m here,” she repeated, “I’m here, you’re here.” </p><p>Swallowing the lump in her throat, Dani nodded. If it weren’t for the stinging feeling in her eyes, she wouldn’t have even realized that she had been crying. And with the realization, came the feeling of the warm tears on her cold cheeks. Heat was starting to return to her body. And then there was Jamie, wiping the tears away with the pads of her thumbs before carefully pulling Dani to her. </p><p>The brunette wrapped her arms and the crocheted afghan from the foot of the bed around her shoulders, still trying to warm her up and stop her from shivering. Her blue eyes were distant as if she could see something that Jamie couldn’t. As brave and calm as Jamie was trying to seem for her, her pulse was racing, fear and curiosity dominating her inner emotions. </p><p>But she just kept repeating “It’s okay,” both for Dani’s sake and her own, waiting out the storm. At least until the au pair started to breathe normally again. </p><p>“I-I’m so s-so-rry,” Dani managed through her tremors several minutes later. She held on a little tighter to the gardener, her previously cold fingers started to tingle as the feeling and warmth returned to them. And now that she could feel the warm skin and fabric under her touch, she wanted it closer.</p><p>Pulling back a bit, Jamie brushed matted blonde hair away from her forehead, pressing a firm kiss to the worry lines that lingered between her eyebrows. “It’s all right,” she whispered through her own ragged breath. She understood nightmares, especially after having suffered through so many of her own. <em>On</em> her own. </p><p>“F-Flora. I-I-I should go check on Flor-ra…” the blonde stammered, defiant as she wriggled out of Jamie’s arms, throwing the covers off of her. She was still so cold and stiff, but at least she wasn’t numb anymore. If someone lit a match right in front of her, she could feel the heat. And for now, that was enough. </p><p>“Dani...“ Jamie called after her quietly, but she moved surprisingly fast for someone who was staggering on their feet.</p><p>Making her way down the hall as quietly as she could, Dani held onto the wall to keep herself upright, relishing the feeling of the chilled wood under her fingers. At least she could feel it. With a ragged breath, she slowly opened the door to Owen’s room, expecting the worst. Nightmares always gave her a sense of impending doom and imminent danger lurking in the near future.</p><p>But Flora was sleeping peacefully with her arms wrapped loosely around her stuffed bunny, content as ever. She was there, safe and sound with them just as Dani intended to keep it. </p><p>“She all right?” Jamie whispered as she approached behind her, running a hand through her curly hair. </p><p>Nodding her head, Dani felt the last of that icy block melt, and what little shivers she was left with were just from the adrenaline rush. “She’s fast asleep,” she whispered back, unable to tear herself from the doorway just yet. </p><p>“Are <em>you</em> all right?” the brunette whispered, wrapping her arms around her waist from behind.</p><p>The au pair just smiled a bit to herself, leaning back against her as she allowed herself to be engulfed in Jamie’s warmth, letting her body language speak for her. A kiss was placed to the back of her shoulder, shedding her of the rest of her worries. It was just a nightmare. Like she told Flora: dreams can’t hurt you.</p><p>“Come on,” Jamie reached around her for the doorknob, quietly pulling the door closed before leading her back to the guest room. </p><p>Dani followed, chewing her bottom lip as she climbed back into bed with her. She didn’t understand how she could have gotten so cold. The bed might as well have had a campfire lit under it, it was so warm. But it was comfortable. It was warm, and she could <em>feel</em> it. Just like she could feel Jamie’s arms circling her, encouraging her to cuddle in closer so she could make sure she stayed warm. </p><p>“You wanna talk about it?” the gardener mumbled through kisses against the blonde hair that topped her head.</p><p>Dani thought about what to say, completely at a loss for an explanation. But she just curled deeper into her, breathing the subtle scent of the cigarette she’d gone out to smoke before bed. “It was...that night,” she whispered, curling her fingers into the flannel that covered Jamie’s torso, clenching it in a fist to ground herself. Almost as if she were afraid that talking about it would send her right back into the memory.</p><p>Jamie could tell from the way Dani started to shiver again that it was probably best not to talk about it. So instead of pressing her on, she pulled her closer, shifting until she could pepper slow, soft kisses around her flushed face before her lips found hers in a comforting kiss.</p><p>“Try to get some sleep, Poppins. Sun’ll be up in a few hours,” she mumbled against her lips. Gentle fingers raked through blonde hair, offering nothing but comfort in their presence. And the sleepy, content hum that Dani released into one last kiss told Jamie that they’d done their job for now. It amazed Dani how easy it was for Jamie to make her forget her troubles just by being close by.</p><p>They fell asleep huddled together, soothed by the presence of one another and the unspoken promise that everything was as fine as it could be for now. Flora was safe and sleeping peacefully.</p><p>Not long after they fell asleep, however, down the hall of the small cottage, Flora stirred. Not long after, foggy and dazed, Flora woke, placing bare feet on the shaggy rug beneath her.</p><p>And under the glowing light of the moon, not even fully aware of herself, Flora walked.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i hope you all have a safe and happy holiday season! enjoy your time off school or work! take care of yourselves and i’ll see you again with another update sometime before 2021!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i hope you all had a great holiday/weekend!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Flora’s gone.”</em>
</p>
<p>The two words turned their world upside down. </p>
<p>Owen burst into the guest room close to five AM. The sun had barely peeked over the horizon and the room was still dark, disorienting Dani and Jamie even more when they were abruptly awoken.</p>
<p>Jamie turned the bedside lamp on, squinting her eyes in confusion as she looked up at him, “What?”</p>
<p>“Flora, she’s...she’s gone. I woke up and there was a chill a-and the saw front door was open. I thought maybe someone had gotten in, but when I went to check on Flora, she wasn’t in my room,” he ran a hand over his mustache breathlessly as if he’d been running around, “And she’s not in here with you, clearly.”</p>
<p>“Maybe she just went to the bathroom?” Dani ran a hand through her hair, already looking frantic with a racing heartbeat.</p>
<p>“No, I’ve looked everywhere, she’s not in the house. Not in the yard either,” he shook his head. “I’ll go drive around the neighborhood, maybe she’s sleepwalking again,” he sighed, panicked as he stepped out without another word.</p>
<p>“Fuck,” Jamie muttered, throwing the covers off after Owen had left.</p>
<p>“She hasn’t sleepwalked since before we left the manor,” Dani breathed as she pulled her old school hoodie over her shoulders, struggling a bit as the anxiety made her movements more erratic, “But she wouldn’t just <em>leave</em>, right? And every time she would sleepwalk before...I thought...Rebecca…”</p>
<p>“I dunno, I dunno,” Jamie shook her head and slid her legs into a pair of jeans as she thought to herself. With everything that had happened, all logic had been thrown out the window, so even the most illogical answers were very possible. “Do you think she’d go back to the manor?”</p>
<p>Dani nibbled her bottom lip as she searched for her shoes, “Why would she?”</p>
<p>“To look for Miles, to try to see Hannah or Rebecca, I don’t-“ the brunette stopped herself and ran a hand through her mussed up curls, “I don’t know. Owen’s checking the neighborhood, I’ll drive up towards the manor. She was asleep not even two hours ago, she wouldn’t have made it there on foot yet.”</p>
<p>Dani was quiet as she thought, cursing herself silently as she struggled with her shoes. “I’m coming with you,” she hopped on one foot, trying to get her bare foot into her sneaker.</p>
<p>“You should stay here,” the gardener looked over at her, pulling boots onto her own feet.</p>
<p>“No!” the blonde snapped, “I’m coming with you, what if she’s hurt?”</p>
<p>“Then I’ll take care of it! Dani, what if she comes back and we’re all out looking for her?”</p>
<p>The walls were closing in on her again as she felt her throat doing the same. She knew Jamie was right. There really was no point in the two of them going out and looking in the same places. And she really hated the thought of Flora possibly coming back and finding that they’d all left. </p>
<p>“We were supposed to keep her safe,” she released a trembling whisper as a hand came up to cover her mouth.</p>
<p>“Dani...It’s gonna be okay,” Jamie came up to her and wrapped her arms around her shoulders as the blonde shook stiffly in place, “It’s gonna be okay. We’ll find her.”</p>
<p>The au pair just nodded as a nervous tear slid down her cheek, muttering to Jamie to be careful when she pulled back. And in a flash, she was left alone, listening to the rumble of Jamie’s truck outside the house before it pulled out and down the road.</p>
<p>What was she supposed to do? Owen said he had looked everywhere for Flora, but it wouldn’t hurt to double check. Flora had never been much of a hider in the time she’d known her. From babysitting to teaching, Dani had learned that some kids would hide in the most obscure places, sometimes for no reason at all. Sometimes it was because they thought it was funny. But she’s known a few hiders who did it out of fear or shyness. But Flora had never been like that, even when she was scared. Flora was the type of kid who would seek out company, if anything.</p>
<p>“F-Flora!” she called out as she left the guest room, hoping that the little girl had suddenly decided to become the hiding type. She’d much rather deal with a game of hide and seek than find out she’d been wandering the streets alone. “Flora, if you’re hiding, please come out, this isn’t funny,” she tried to keep her voice light in tone, in case the eight year old really was around to hear her. </p>
<p>She checked everywhere. In the bathroom, she checked the cabinets under the sink and behind the shower curtain. She checked under Owen’s bed and in his closet. If it weren’t for this instance, she would have left it alone, but she even checked his mom’s old bedroom, just desperate to find her. She wasn’t anywhere. Not in the backyard, nor in the front. She really was gone. </p>
<p>She just waited for the phone to ring, though she doubted it would. Bly wasn’t exactly littered with pay phones like in the city. Unless Flora had ended up at a neighbor’s house for Owen to call from. Sitting on the couch with an uncontrollable bouncing leg, Dani chewed at the nail on her thumb, watching the seconds tick by on the grandfather clock in the corner. </p>
<p>Owen had been gone for nearly twenty minutes, Jamie, fifteen. It only took twenty minutes to reach the manor from Owen’s house. Less than that to circle the neighborhood. If Jamie was right, she would have found Flora already, or just be finding her now. And as strange as it was that Flora would try to return to Bly Manor, Dani just hoped that that’s where she was headed; Just so Jamie would be able to find her. </p>
<p>She heard a car pull into the driveway, the noise pulling her to her feet as she rushed to the door, ripping it open to find Owen coming up the walkway. “Nothing?” she asked breathlessly. </p>
<p>“No sign of her,” he shook his head.</p>
<p>The blonde wrapped her arms around herself and shook her head, “Jamie went to the manor to see if she could find her on the way there.”</p>
<p>“I’ll go check the main part of town. Maybe she wandered into the square,” he adjusted the gloves on his hands before heading back to his car, leaving Dani alone once again. </p>
<p>Part of her wanted to call the police. They didn’t have an ideal response to her call about Peter when she thought he was stalking around the house. But maybe they worked harder on finding missing children. Then again, Miles still hadn’t turned up in over a week. Either Peter really had skipped town or the police were really shit at their jobs. </p>
<p>With a shaky breath, she closed the door, heading back to the living room to light the fireplace in an attempt to warm the house up a bit more. If Flora was sleepwalking again, she was likely out there with no shoes or jacket on.</p>
<p>She sat back on the couch and tried not to remind herself of all the terrible things that could happen to Flora out on the streets alone. But she couldn’t shake the thoughts of drunk drivers, perverted adults, and wild animals, making her sick to her stomach. How had more time not passed? She felt like she’d been waiting around for hours, but it was barely 5:30. The sun had risen enough to fill the room with warm light, unsettling her even more. Like the clock she couldn’t stop staring at, it was just a reminder of all the time that had passed where she was left clueless and afraid. </p>
<p>Another twenty minutes passed before the familiar rumble of Jamie’s truck could be heard from outside. She leapt to her feet, swinging the front door open once again. Only this time, she nearly fell to her knees at the sight of Jamie carrying Flora up the front steps.</p>
<p>“Oh my god,” Dani whispered, tears welling up in her eyes as her body filled with relief. She stepped out of the way so Jamie could bring the sniffling eight year old into the house wrapped in the blanket Dani recognized from the back of the truck. </p>
<p>“She’s all right, just a little shaken up. Right, sprout?” Jamie kept her voice calm as she lowered Flora to her feet, though her face would tell anyone that she was just as concerned and panicked as anyone.</p>
<p>But Dani...Dani didn’t know what came over her in that moment. Maybe it was all the pent up anxiety and fear. But whatever it was, she felt like she hardly had any control over herself when she crouched down and grabbed the eight year old by the upper arms, turning her to face her a bit more rough than she normally would. Not rough enough to hurt, but enough to make Flora flinch at the contact. </p>
<p>“What were you thinking? Do you know what could’ve happened to you out there? Do you even know how worried we all were?” her voice was like a hiss with sharp whispers. The same voice her own mother would use when she didn’t want to make a scene scolding her for pouting and stomping around the grocery store.</p>
<p>“Dani-“ the gardener tried to cut in, but she kept going. </p>
<p>“I don’t think you understand, Flora! What if you had been taken? What if you got lost? Do you understand how dangerous that was?” her voice raised as she pressed her with a stern look on her face, fear still in her wide blue eyes, “Do you?”</p>
<p>But Flora’s eyes just filled with tears as her face crumpled just inches from hers.</p>
<p>“Just...just go upstairs, please,” Dani stood upright, pointing one finger towards the stairs while her other hand ran through her blonde hair. On top of all the other emotions that were swirling around inside her like a tornado, guilt was joining in for making the little girl cry. “<em>Now</em>, Flora!”</p>
<p>The eight year old ran off in tears, leaving the two women alone in the entryway of the house. </p>
<p>“What the hell was that about?” Jamie whispered once they heard the door to Owen’s room close upstairs.</p>
<p>“I don’t...I-I don’t kn-“ Dani started to try to explain her outburst, though she found quickly that she couldn’t.</p>
<p>“You just scolded her like she ran away without giving her a chance to explain,” Jamie eyed her with a mixture of shock and disappointment, she couldn’t tell which. Maybe both. “Dani, she was <em>sleepwalking</em>. Or...something like it, but she wasn’t...it was like she wasn’t aware that she was even out of bed.”</p>
<p>Tears streaked down Dani’s cheeks as she wrapped her arms around herself, trying to calm down. She felt awful. Scolding and punishing kids was her least favorite part of her line of work already, but it was worse knowing she’d done it when it wasn’t even deserved. </p>
<p>“She was halfway up the road to the manor when I found her. She was like...a zombie or something. Just walking, blank look on her face, completely unbothered. Just like before.” Tearful blue eyes raised to meet Jamie’s as the brunette leaned against the nearest wall, shaking her head in confusion as she thought about the last half hour. “I didn’t ask her why, I just focused on getting her to the truck to warm her up.”</p>
<p>Nodding her head, the au pair just chewed her bottom lip, rubbing her own arms as she tried to think about what to do. She needed to talk to Flora. Not only to apologize, but to get a possible explanation.</p>
<p>“I’m gonna put the kettle on, bring her some tea to calm down,” Jamie sighed, brushing her fingers against Dani’s elbow on her way past.</p>
<p>Dani just sighed, closing her eyes to focus on breathing. “Can I bring it to her? When it’s made, I mean?” she asked, opening her eyes to see Jamie in the kitchen doorway. A cup of tea would be a good olive branch, right? </p>
<p>“Sure,” she sighed, “Why don’t you go sit and relax, Poppins. I’ll let you know when it’s done,” the other woman just nodded before disappearing into the kitchen, leaving her alone with her thoughts once more.</p>
<p>With a deep breath, Dani nodded her head back, though Jamie had already left the room. She wrapped the unzipped ends of her hoodie around herself tightly, trying to find some form of grounding as she lowered herself onto the couch cushions, staring into the fire. She knew that eventually she would have to scold Flora for <em>something</em>. No child was well behaved all the time. But this wasn’t even the little girl’s fault, and it was eating Dani alive thinking about her sad and alone upstairs. </p>
<p>The sound of the kettle whistling not much later eased her mind a bit. It was almost six and Owen would hopefully be making his way back soon if he didn’t call first. She wished she had a way of contacting him to let him know Flora was safe and back at the house. </p>
<p>Letting the fire warm and soothe her stiff limbs, she got lost in the flames, watching as they flickered before her eyes. She remembered being Flora’s age. And she remembered making a promise to herself that she would never be one of those adults who didn’t care and didn’t make an effort to talk to and understand their kids. And even through teaching, she’d always made such an effort to be the adult she needed when she was eight. It was exhaustive, like Jamie would say, but it was always worth it in the end. </p>
<p>“Poppins?” Jamie’s voice, as calm as it was, nearly made her jump out of her skin, “You sure you don’t want me to bring it to her? You seem a little out of sorts.”</p>
<p>“No, I-I’m fine,” Dani shook her head, wiping her clammy palms on the skirt of her long nightgown as she stood up with a deep breath and a fake smile that the gardener could see right through.</p>
<p>“She doesn’t hate you, y’know,” Jamie stopped her from reaching for the little dish and cup of tea, “She’s just a kid, she’ll get over it. That one doesn’t hold grudges.”</p>
<p>Flicking her tongue over her bottom lip, the blonde just looked at her, a bit unsure. After the years of experience she had having to deal with kids, scolding and disciplining them, she didn’t understand why she was taking this one so hard. Yeah, she was in the wrong, but that wasn’t new either. She’d wrongfully punished kids on a few occasions, and she knew that they always bounced back. Especially after she had the decency to apologize to them and show them the respect they deserved. But with Flora...she just couldn’t understand why she felt so shitty about it.</p>
<p>“Dani, I mean it. That girl bounces back so quick, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s already forgotten about it by the time you get up there.”</p>
<p>The au pair looked down at her feet, unsure of what to say or how to explain herself. Everything was just so overwhelming. “I just…” she started, looking back up at the woman in front of her, “I didn’t mean to grab her and yell at her like that. I never wanna hurt her. She’s been through too much, I don’t wanna add to it.”</p>
<p>“She needs discipline, though,” Jamie sighed, “This time it may not have been something she chose to do on her own, but coddling her in times when she makes bad choices isn’t gonna do her any good. For now, at least you’ve got the mind to know you made a mistake. Most adults would just brush it off and move on.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, you’re right,” Dani mumbled, crumpling the fabric of her nightgown in nervous fists, taking the little dish with the teacup resting on it when Jamie handed them over to her.</p>
<p>“Go bring it to her before it gets cold, Poppins. It’ll be fine,” Jamie offered her a reassuring grin, running a hand down the sleeve of her grey hoodie.</p>
<p>Taking her bottom lip between her teeth again, Dani just nodded before brushing past her to head up the stairs, being careful on the steps as best she could. She knocked respectfully on the door to Owen’s room once she reached the end of the hall, waiting a few seconds for a response, but all she could hear were quiet sniffles on the other side.</p>
<p>“Flora?” she called, opening the door slowly until she could see the eight year old sitting cross-legged on the navy blue duvet, stroking the ears of her stuffed bunny. “H-hey,” she grinned, clearly nervous, “I, um...I brought you some tea.”</p>
<p>The little girl looked up and wiped her nose on her sleeve, eyeing the cup of tea in her hands suspiciously.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, Jamie made it,” Dani breathed a nervous laugh and stepped closer to hand her the dish, making sure she had a good grip on it before taking a step back. The silence in the room was awkward. At least for her, it was. “Is it okay if I sit with you?”</p>
<p>Flora nodded after taking a sip of her tea, watching her former au pair with curious eyes as she sat on the edge of the bed, wiping clammy palms on her nightgown once more.</p>
<p>“I’m, um...Flora, I’m sorry...for yelling at you earlier,” she cut directly to the chase, glancing at the girl not far beside her. “I was just scared. I’m supposed to protect you and take care of you, I didn’t know what happened or where you went...but I should’ve given you the chance to explain before I punished you. And I definitely shouldn’t have grabbed you the way I did. So I’m sorry for that, too.”</p>
<p>Flora just stared at her and Dani prayed that she hadn’t slipped back into silence.</p>
<p>“Y’know, when I was your age...my dad died. And, um...my mom, she didn’t really wanna deal with me, I guess. She would get mad…<em>all</em> the time,” she sighed, exasperated at just the memory of Karen Clayton’s wrath. “She never wanted to listen to me...and she would do the same thing I did to you. She’d punish me without giving me a chance to explain myself. And most of the time, I hadn’t even done anything wrong.” </p>
<p>The blonde took a deep breath as she continued, hoping that Flora would understand. “That’s actually one of the reasons I wanted to be a teacher. So I could be the grown-up that kids could talk to when they felt like their parents didn’t wanna listen.” </p>
<p>Flora just looked at her, paying attention. </p>
<p>“But I know I wasn’t that grown-up for you this morning, and I’m <em>so</em> sorry. If you wanna tell me what happened...I’m all ears, okay? But if you want me to leave and give you some space, I’ll do that too.”</p>
<p>The eight year old just looked down into her teacup, clearing her throat after taking another sip. “I don’t know what happened,” she muttered, not realizing that Dani was releasing a breath of relief at the sound of her voice, “I went to bed when you and Jamie tucked me in. And then...I woke up. It was like...I was being pulled. But I couldn’t stop.”</p>
<p>Turning her body to face her, Dani just watched Flora try to explain, her heart breaking for the little girl who was probably just as confused as any of them.</p>
<p>“It wasn’t like being tucked away. I was still...me. But it was like someone was moving my legs for me. Like I was a puppet. Or a doll. And they wouldn’t stop making me walk even though I wanted them to.”</p>
<p>Dani glanced her over with worry in her blue eyes, unsure of what to say or think. “This didn’t happen to you anywhere else? When we were in London or when you would stay at your other house?”</p>
<p>“Just here...in Bly,” Flora looked up at her, innocent fear written all over her face.</p>
<p>Nodding, Dani reached over to run a gentle hand over the girl’s loose braid as she tried to think to herself, not wanting to worry Flora with any of the scenarios she was processing in her head. “Well...we’ll figure it out, okay? We might head out of here a little earlier than I thought we would, but it’s all gonna be okay, don’t worry.”</p>
<p>Flora nodded her head in return, taking another sip of her tea. “Miss Clayton,” she started, placing the little dish in her lap, “You’re a very good teacher. And a lovely au pair.”</p>
<p>“Thank you, Flora,” the blonde smiled, feeling her heart swell in her chest as she held tightly to the child’s reassurance, “And y’know, I’m not really your au pair anymore. So...you can call me Dani...if you want to.”</p>
<p>“Dani...” the eight year old tested it out after a few moments of hesitation, smiling up at her with a single nod of approval before her face down-turned with curiosity again, “Dani, if you aren’t my au pair anymore, then what are you?”</p>
<p>Her mind went blank at that question. That was something she hadn’t really thought about. Flora would have to refer to her as something and vice versa. “Well, um...for now I’m just your friend...okay? That’ll never change, no matter what.”</p>
<p>Nodding again, Flora placed her tea on the nightstand beside her white rose before leaning up to hug Dani around her shoulders, which the woman returned without a second of hesitation.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>pls don’t hate dani she is just an anxious bean 🥺 </p>
<p>most likely the next chapter won’t be posted until next week unless I can get a few more chapters written (i like to keep ahead of myself and even though i’m ahead by like, three chapters, i’m still falling behind). but even if i get more written, i don’t wanna bother y’all on another holiday so 2021 is more likely.</p>
<p>and as usual, thank you for your support of this random little story i hope you’re enjoying reading it as much as i enjoy writing it!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i figured i’d bother y’all on a holiday instead of waiting so hi! y’all like cheese? y’all like angsty fluff?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Closing the door to Owen’s room later that day, Dani sighed, resting her head against the cool wood. It was getting close to noon and they had finally gotten Flora to agree to take a nap. Not only was she up much earlier than normal, but she had a stressful morning as well. They all did. </p>
<p>Owen had called from a pay phone in the village not long after Dani had talked to Flora about what happened. Jamie assured him that Flora was back, safe and sound. And following the phone call, he came back practically ready to never let the little girl out of his sight again. </p>
<p>Jamie was quiet all morning. Dani could tell something was wrong even beyond the worry they all shared for the eight year old. But having Flora around them for hours, she knew they would have to wait until they had some time alone to talk about it. </p>
<p>“You sure it’s all right if I head to the market? I won’t be long,” Owen asked as Dani reached the bottom step of the small staircase, finding her way into the living room.</p>
<p>“We’ll be fine, mate,” Jamie deadpanned from her spot on the floor, soaking up the heat from the fireplace as she tried to distract herself with a book.</p>
<p>“Dani?” Owen turned to the blonde, putting his coat on, “Anything I can get you while I’m out?”</p>
<p>But the au pair just shook her head with a hint of a smile and a wave of her hand, “No, I’m fine. Thank you.”</p>
<p>Nodding, Owen gave them both a simple wave before disappearing out the door, leaving them alone once again. The tension in the little cottage was strong today. Strong enough that he hadn’t let a single pun slip all day.</p>
<p>Dani drew in a deep breath, clenching her fists by her sides like she always did when her nerves took over. It was just another anxious habit that had formed after being constantly berated for biting her nails and the skin around them. Now instead of biting her nails, she let them dig into the skin of her palms, leaving crescent-shaped dents behind every time. </p>
<p>“You, uh...you doing okay?” she breathed as she made a few strides over to Jamie, sitting beside her in front of the fire and drawing her denim-clad knees up to her chest, “You’ve been really quiet today.” She watched the way Jamie’s sharp jaw clenched, and the way her nostrils flared a few times as her nose became flushed with pressure.</p>
<p>“Jamie?”</p>
<p>“Why Flora?” the brunette asked suddenly, putting her book down in her lap as she glanced over at Dani with glassy eyes, “Seriously, why her?”</p>
<p>Unsure of how to answer such a vague question, Dani just found herself scooting closer to her with nothing but concern and open ears.</p>
<p>“And why Miles?” she continued almost bitterly, “Or Hannah, or Rebecca? Charlotte, Dominic...Owen, you...all of them. All of <em>you</em>...good people. Fucking <em>incredible</em> people who deserve nothing but every bit of happiness this world can give...but instead all you get is this...this suffering and grief. Or you get the life taken from you like a rug ripped from under your feet.”</p>
<p>The blonde pursed her lips together into a tight line as she watched a few tears slip down the apple Jamie’s cheek, despite how stubbornly she was trying to hold them back. </p>
<p>“I just don’t understand how the universe never gives up...never stops handing the best people the <em>shittiest</em> cards, one right after the other. And it doesn’t end. Because even if the shitty hands are done being dealt, people still have to spend their entire lives recovering from getting them in the first place,” Jamie swiftly wiped at her cheek and kept staring ahead at the fire, “And Flora…god, I can’t even imagine how she’s <em>ever</em> gonna recover from all the shit she’s seen...all she’s been through.”</p>
<p>Biting her lip, Dani sniffled quietly as she reached for one of her hands. Either one, she didn’t care, she just wanted to be there for her. And the desperation showed in the way her fingers fumbled, blindly trying to find hers. </p>
<p>“You did, though,” she said just above a whisper, finally grasping the gardener’s slim, warm fingers with her own.</p>
<p>“Did what?”</p>
<p>“Recovered...from all you’ve been through.”</p>
<p>Jamie just breathed a chuckle and shook her head, squeezing her hand back, “I don’t think turning into a bitter and jaded adult counts as recovering, Poppins.”</p>
<p>“But you’re here. You’re still here,” the blonde moved closer, “And even...even if you haven’t recovered from it all...you’re still <em>here</em>. You’re not letting your past drag you down another dark path. You’re proving that you’re not defined by the cards you were dealt...right?”</p>
<p>Jamie just ducked her head, sniffling quietly as her free hand traced the title of the book in her lap. </p>
<p>“And I know that because...because you’re doing the same for Flora,” Dani stated firmly, staring at her profile intensely, even if Jamie couldn’t see it, “You wanna make sure that she doesn’t grow up weighed down by everything she’s been through...and that she doesn’t carry it with her years from now like you do. Because you know how awful it feels.”</p>
<p>Jamie was quiet, save for a few sniffles and hiccuped intakes of breath, nodding just the slightest bit. </p>
<p>“All those people you named, good people who deserve better than what they got...you’re on that list too. Whether you wanna believe it or not, Jamie, you...,” she squeezed her hand tightly with desperation through her thick, tearful voice, as she begged the brunette to believe her. “You are the bravest, most selfless and amazing person I’ve ever met in my whole life. You once asked me how I’m still standing after everything, but...ever since you told me your story, I can’t help but wonder the same about you.” </p>
<p>She could see the slight shake of Jamie’s head as the brunette seemed to disagree, which of course, wasn’t okay in Dani’s book. “Jamie...Please look at me…please.”</p>
<p>It took a few moments, a few sniffles, a few choked back sobs. But Jamie did turn to face her eventually. The sight of tears in her bloodshot eyes made Dani want to crumple to the floor and dissolve into the rug beneath them. But she took a deep, shaky breath and traced her thumb across Jamie’s flushed cheek, wiping the streaks of tears away.</p>
<p>“You’re a good person too. Incredible, even. You don’t deserve any of the bad things you’ve been through. Especially when you were just a kid...okay?” she sniffled as tears fell from her own eyes, flicking her tongue over her dry lips, “And...I’m willing to spend the rest of my life trying to get you to believe me.”</p>
<p>Jamie just let out a watery laugh, reaching up to wipe her own damp cheeks, “The rest of your life, huh?”</p>
<p>Dani just blushed, retracting her hand back into her lap as she bit her lip shyly, “I mean-“</p>
<p>She wasn’t given much time to explain herself since Jamie leaned in to kiss her so suddenly. Salty tears mixed together on their lips as they held each other close, neither of them wanting to let go. And Jamie, pulling the blonde into her lap, was starting to think that maybe Dani nagging her, insisting that she was a good person every day for the rest of her life, actually didn’t sound so bad.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>xxx</strong>
  </p>
</div>The rest of the day went on like any other, despite how the morning had gone. Once night fell, Flora played board games in the living room with Owen while Jamie and Dani worked on washing and drying the dishes from dinner in the kitchen, sneaking quick kisses in passing each time Jamie would move to put a dish away where it belonged. And like almost every night since they’d been there, they tucked Flora into bed (only leaving the room when they were sure she was asleep), changed into comfortable night clothes, and joined Owen downstairs for a bit of wine and lively conversation.<p>Only tonight’s conversation wasn’t as lively as the others.</p>
<p>“What do you think she would go back to the manor for?” Dani sighed with her socked feet draped over Jamie’s lap as she sipped her wine, “I mean I know she wasn’t conscious of it, but…”</p>
<p>The other two just shook their heads in confusion and disbelief, unsure of how to answer.</p>
<p>“There is something about that house, though,” the blonde commented again, “My first night there...something, I don’t know what, but it was like <em>something</em> was dragging me around. I couldn’t sleep, it was like the walls were yelling at me to get up and explore, as crazy as it sounds.”</p>
<p>Owen shook his head, “I guess there’s a lot of mystery behind that house that we don’t know about. I could ask Henry for a bit of history on it. It’s been in his family for generations. Only thing I know about it is that it was a makeshift hospital for a while.”</p>
<p>“Why would that be affecting Flora, though?” Jamie chimed in, resting her chin in her palm on the armrest of the sofa, “Even unconsciously, what’s there that she feels like she needs to go back to?”</p>
<p>“Maybe Miles is still somewhere on the property. Those two always did have a strong bond. Almost like twins,” Owen pointed out, swirling the wine in his glass distractedly. </p>
<p>“That night, Rebecca told me to get Flora as far away from the house as possible,” Dani sat up a little straighter, eyebrows knit together as the two turned their attention to her, “Do you think that could have anything to do with it? Like maybe she knew that staying in Bly, even off the grounds would be dangerous for her?”</p>
<p>Jamie’s lips twisted to the side in thought, “Maybe she knew that Flora would try to get back there somehow? For whatever reason?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“When she was younger I caught her practically talking to the wallpaper a few times,” Owen mumbled, “She probably has more connections with whatever’s in that house than any of us do.”</p>
<p>“Like the little boy?”</p>
<p>Dani looked to the brunette curiously, “What?”</p>
<p>“When she was maybe five or six, she started talking about this little boy. She said he...didn’t have a face, but she let him be her friend anyways,” Jamie said before a long swig of her wine. </p>
<p>“Peter said something about that,” Dani closed her eyes tightly, trying to remember the blurry memories of that night, “He said that people that die at the house, their...their faces fade after a while? There was someone like that with us in the attic. And the woman that I saw...she didn’t have a face either…”</p>
<p>“Christ,” Owen breathed, reclining back in the armchair. </p>
<p>The three of them sat, brainstorming, for the better part of an hour, exchanging ideas and theories about what could have been going on with Flora and whatever connection she had to the house. But it was just after the grandfather clock struck eleven, filling the small living room with gentle chimes, when Owen sat up straighter, looking past the two women on the couch. </p>
<p>“Flora?”</p>
<p>Heads whipped around to see what Owen was looking at behind them. And sure enough, there was Flora, stalking forwards in her pink nightgown with a dazed look on her face.</p>
<p>“Flora?” Dani tried, but it didn’t register to the little girl. She just kept walking, step by step towards the front door. “Flora!” Dani practically leapt off the couch to run over, taking her firmly by the shoulders to stop her as Owen and Jamie came over to help. </p>
<p>“Flora! Flora. Hey, wake up, come on,” her voice trembled as she gave the little girl a few gentle shakes. It was like she was fighting against her, trying to keep walking forward. The au pair just looked anxiously between the eight year old and the two adults, all of them wondering what to do. </p>
<p>But after a few moments, Flora stopped fighting against Dani’s grasp. Her body tensed as she seemed to wake up, glancing around at the three adults who were now crouching in front of her. “What happened?” she asked, her breathing picking up with the fear that started flowing through her. </p>
<p>“You were um...i-it looked like youwere sleepwalking again,” Dani’s eyebrows creased as she rubbed her arms up and down Flora’s arms over the sleeves of her nightgown, “Did you know you were doing it this time?”</p>
<p>“Kind of,” Flora rubbed her eyes as Jamie rubbed her back and Owen held her free hand, “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“Hey, no, it’s okay. We just…” The blonde shook her head and looked at Owen and Jamie beside her, “We just wanna make sure you’re okay.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Glad we were around to catch you this time, sprout,” Jamie offered a comforting smile.</p>
<p>Owen stood upright, still holding Flora’s hand as he looked down at her, “What do you say to some warm milk? I’ll even put a little honey in it for you.”</p>
<p>But Flora just shook her head, falling a bit against her former au pair. “I’m quite tired. I’d like to go back to bed, if that’s all right,” she yawned into Dani’s shoulder, succumbing to the comfort the blonde offered as she wrapped her arms around her neck. “Miss Cl-“ she stopped to correct herself like she had been doing all day when she would address her, “Dani? Why does this keep happening to me?” she pulled back slightly so she could face her, curiosity filling her eyes with a bit of fear alongside it. </p>
<p>“I-I don’t know, but...it’s gonna be okay,” Dani felt awful that those words were all she had to offer lately. They would make sure that things would be okay. The only problem was that she wasn’t sure when they could fulfill that promise, “But hey, maybe you, me and Jamie can have a sleepover tonight? That’ll be fun, right?”</p>
<p>Flora just nodded with a yawn. </p>
<p>Dani knew that they were trying to get the eight year old to be okay with sleeping on her own. And it was going well when it came to getting her to sleep for the night. But this was different. Aside from sleeping on the floor in front of Owen’s room, how else were they supposed to prevent her from getting up and leaving the house? She looked over at the gardener crouched beside her with a pleading look in her eyes, breathing a silent sigh of relief when Jamie just nodded with slightly upturned lips. She was always so understanding. </p>
<p>“Okay, come on.” With her hands under her arms, Dani scooped Flora up against her torso, letting the girl rest her head on her shoulder as they said goodnight to Owen. It was a solemn goodnight, as Dani expected that it could be their last. She was determined to pack up their things and leave this town before the sun could even set tomorrow.</p>
<p>“Goodnight, Owen,” Flora yawned, looking past Dani’s ponytail at him after they turned to head towards the stairs. </p>
<p>“G’night, love,” he smiled, waving them off before the three of them disappeared up the stairs. </p>
<p>Dani laid Flora down in the bed she shared with Jamie while the brunette came in from the next room with her little stuffed bunny, handing it to her with a warm smile. Flora seemed to smile a bit to herself as the two women climbed into bed on either side of her. She took one of each of their arms and draped them over her midsection, creating a belt of safety for herself as she nestled into the comfortable warmth. </p>
<p>“Comfy?” Jamie smiled down at her as she got comfortable as well. The smile that Dani had come to know as Jamie’s ‘everything’s not okay, but we’re gonna pretend it’s okay’ smile. And as much as the blonde hated the times when that fake grin had to be plastered onto the gardener’s face, she was grateful that she was willing to put on a show for Flora. </p>
<p>Jamie draped her arm a little farther across Flora’s middle as the eight year old started to drift, resting her hand on Dani’s hip. The au pair did the same with a tired smile, making herself comfortable on her pillow as she gazed across the small, dark space between them. </p>
<p>A few quiet minutes had passed as they waited, silent and still, for Flora’s breathing to even out. “We need to leave, Jamie,” Dani whispered into the moonlit room as soon as they were sure Flora was asleep, “I can’t...we can’t risk this happening every night with her. It’s not safe.”</p>
<p>The gardener just nodded and bit her bottom lip, running her thumb gently across the sliver of skin where the blonde’s t-shirt had ridden up her side, “I know. We’ll figure something out in the morning. Just...” she sighed deeply, “...try to get some sleep, Poppins.”</p>
<p>Dani wanted to kiss her. But instead, she just nodded and dug the tips of her fingers into Jamie’s hip over her lounge pants, giving an affectionate squeeze of gratitude. Flora was safe. There was no point in worrying for the rest of the night. All she could do was settle in, succumbing to sleep with the two people who were, at this point, the center of her whole universe.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>xxx</strong>
  </p>
</div>“Jamie?”<p>The brunette felt herself being gently shaken awake by tiny hands. Her nose scrunched up a bit as she started to wake up, feeling the persistent shaking continue as her name was whispered into the dark. </p>
<p>“Jamie,” the little voice whispered again, closer this time.</p>
<p>Propping up on her elbow, Jamie rubbed at her eyes, flinching only slightly at the sight of Flora’s face so close to hers. “Flora?” her brows knit together as she looked at the alarm clock on the nightstand, trying to read the numbers in the dark. Dani was sound asleep beside them, one arm still draped over the eight year old in an attempt to keep her safe. “What are you doing up, it’s the middle of the ni-“</p>
<p>“Do you ever miss the manor?” the little girl’s voice was quiet as she spoke, not wanting to wake her former au pair. It was already a wonder how she hadn’t woken up when Flora turned onto her side to face Jamie. </p>
<p>“What do you mean?” the gardener whispered, looking down at her with thin, furrowed brows. At Flora’s shrug and fearful innocent eyes, Jamie just laid back down on her pillow, rubbing the girl’s arm soothingly, “Do <em>you</em> miss it?”</p>
<p>She shook her head no in response, but accompanied with a small shrug as well. “I miss Mummy and Daddy,” she muttered quietly, averting her eyes, “Quite a bit, I’m afraid.”</p>
<p>“Does being at the manor remind you of them?”</p>
<p>“Not really. Sometimes, but…” she trailed off slightly, rubbing her eye as she thought, “But at least, in the manor...I could see them. When I would get tucked away, I always saw them...in my memories.”</p>
<p>Jamie’s jaw clenched a bit, unsure of what to say. She still didn’t understand this whole “tucked away” business.</p>
<p>“And it was like they were still there,” Flora continued with a sigh, “It was real until I started to realize that I was too old; and that it was all just a memory. But it was better than…”</p>
<p>“Than not seeing them at all,” Jamie finished the statement for her, already knowing what she meant to say.</p>
<p>“And I didn’t keep any flowers from their funeral. How am I supposed to remember them?”</p>
<p>Sighing, Jamie brushed a bit of stray hair from Flora’s worried brow, stroking it back in flow with the rest of it, “You’ve remembered them this long, haven’t you?” Flora just nodded in response. “They’re your mum and dad. Can’t forget them even if you tried.”</p>
<p><em>“And trust me, I’ve tried to forget mine,”</em> she wanted to add. But that was definitely not something she wanted Flora asking about now. And she knew that she would. “They’re tethered to you, y’know,” she continued instead, idly picking at a loose thread of her t-shirt.</p>
<p>“Tethered?”</p>
<p>“Mmhm. Everyone has...invisible strings in their hearts,” the gardener pulled out the thread, toying with it between her fingers, “And the strings...are attached to the hearts of the people you love the most. And they can stretch around the whole world if they need to.” Jamie thought she sounded rather silly, herself. She wasn’t used to explaining things to kids in a way that they could understand, or making up stories. But she was learning a lot more from Dani than she ever thought she would. Turns out the blonde didn’t just come to teach the children. </p>
<p>“And the string doesn’t break? Even if it has to stretch very very far?”</p>
<p>“Nope,” she shook her head, stretching the loose thread from her t-shirt between herself and Flora as an example.</p>
<p>“Even if they’re not here anymore?”</p>
<p>“Even if they’re not here anymore. As long as you loved them and they loved you, you’re tethered, yeah?” she couldn’t help but smile as Flora took the thread and twisted it gently around her own small fingers. “And you, little miss, have an impressive amount of people tethered to you.”</p>
<p>“Even you and Miss Cl— Dani?” Flora huffed a little, frustrated with herself that she still couldn’t say her former au pair’s name without messing up.</p>
<p>The brunette felt a little flutter in her chest at her question, but smiled and whispered a reassuring, “Of course.”</p>
<p>“Jamie?” the eight year old’s eyebrows furrowed curiously as she continued to keep her focus on the thread in her fingers, “Are you and Dani tethered together as well?”</p>
<p>The fluttering got so intense in Jamie’s chest that it became uncomfortable after a moment as she fidgeted in place, trying not to move around too much. Last thing she needed right now was for Dani to wake up and join the conversation. “I, uh...I dunno, sprout,” she cleared her throat quietly, “Kinda complicated, that one.”</p>
<p>“It would be splendid if you were. Then we could all be tethered together,” Flora smiled at her, putting the thread down as she spoke her last words through a yawn. </p>
<p>“We’ll see,” Jamie chuckled quietly, pulling the blankets back up to Flora’s chin, “Focus on sleeping for right now, all right?” </p>
<p>She watched as the little girl nodded and closed her eyes with another yawn, finding her own eyes drifting over to the sleeping blonde on Flora’s other side. With one arm draped loosely over the child between them and the other bent and tucked under her head, Jamie couldn’t help but think that Dani looked oddly radiant. Even with her hair, tousled from sleep and her mouth practically gaping, drooling onto her own arm, no doubt. </p>
<p>If she wasn’t already, maybe a part of Jamie hoped that she <em>would</em> be tethered to her. As juvenile and silly as it sounded, it worked well enough for her for right now.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>please have a safe new year’s eve if you’re going anywhere or partying! stay safe even if you’re staying in your own homes! 2020 was ass for most of us (though, my introverted ass has never been happier to have an excuse to stay home every day and honestly it’s been a good year for my mental health because of it, so i am hashtag blessed), but hopefully 2021 will be better for all of us!</p>
<p>as always, i love you all! thank you for sticking with me through this fic and thank you for your comments! see you again sometime next week with the next chapter!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>happy new year! </p>
<p>we’re going on a bit of a time jump here. i’ve never been great at writing time jumps, but i try to fill in any development and details in italicized flashbacks. i’m not a huge fan of this chapter at all, just because of my own personal writing struggle. so my apologies if you think the same.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Time was moving fast again. </p>
<p>It wasn’t easy explaining to Flora that they would be leaving Bly much sooner than any of them expected. Dani wasn’t sure how long they intended to stay in England in general, but she knew they needed to leave Bly as soon as possible for Flora’s sake. Whatever was calling the eight year old back to the house was clearly something that none of them understood enough to fight against. All they could do was flee. </p>
<p>
  <em>“Are you cross with me?” Flora sat in the middle of the guest bed, watching with a heavy heart as Dani and Jamie moved around the room to pack their bags.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Of course not, why would you think that?” Dani stopped in her tracks to give her attention to the worried little girl.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>”We’re leaving because of me. Because of what I did,” she muttered, looking down at her lap as she stroked back the ears of her stuffed bunny.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Jamie came over after setting a full, skillfully packed bag by the door, “Flora, you know we weren’t meant to stay here in Bly for very long,” she offered, sitting on the edge of the bed with a sympathetic smile, “We’re just onto the next part of our adventure, remember?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Shaking her head, Flora sighed with slumped shoulders before looking up at the gardener, “But we wouldn’t be leaving so soon if I hadn’t started sleepwalking again.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She wasn’t dumb. She may have been a kid, but she was a lot smarter than most people would give her credit for. The little girl could read people like a book with her child’s intuition. She could sense the tension in a room full of people and she could tell when adults were withholding the truth.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“But we know it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t you. No one’s blaming you for what happened,” Dani cut in, wringing her fingers anxiously as she sat on the other edge of the bed, “We just wanna keep you safe, that’s all. And right now...Bly’s not the safest place for us to be.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What about Owen?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Owen’ll be all right,” Jamie grinned, reaching over to pat her knee, “He’s going to Paris soon, remember?” Sure, she didn’t know exactly when. It wasn’t going to be anytime in the near future, but he would get there.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Paris is lovely,” the little girl managed a smile and a bit of a nod, “Can we visit him when he gets there?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Once he’s settled, sure. But before he gets his butt to Paris, we need to get <strong>our</strong> butts to America, yeah?” Jamie looked up at the blonde before smirking at Flora, leaning in as if to tell her a secret. “Why don’t you go ask him to put the kettle on,” she murmured, “If all Americans make tea like Dani’s, I think you and I need to savor one last good brew before we go, what do you think?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Though her mouth gaped as she brought a hand to her heart with feigned hurt, Dani couldn’t even pretend to be mad at the millionth jab Jamie had taken at her tea making skills. Firstly because she knew the brunette was right. It tasted fine to her, but she wasn’t sure how it was really meant to taste in the first place. Secondly, because the little insult managed to get Flora to giggle and practically skip out of the room; As if she hadn’t been miserable and beating herself up inside just a minute ago.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“My tea can’t be the <strong>worst</strong> thing ever,” she defended herself with a chuckle as she kept packing.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Jamie rounded the bed, sauntering towards her with hands casually tucked into her pockets. “I’ll tell you, when Flora was six, she once brought me a teacup of what she called ‘Flora’s Fairy Tea’. It was a cup of lukewarm water with blades of grass and wilted flower petals in it.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Tell me you’re not about to imply that it was better than what I make,” the blonde stared at her incredulously with her arms crossed over her chest.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No, of course not.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Oh.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“They’re about the same, actually,” the gardener could hardly contain her laughter at the way Dani’s face scrunched up with over-exaggerated anger as she hurled pillow after pillow in her direction.</em>
</p>
<p>Time was moving so fast. </p>
<p>In the time they’d been in town, Jamie managed to work out a deal with her landlady, letting the woman keep the furniture so she could rent it out to the next person fully furnished. Jamie didn’t have many belongings, but the things that couldn’t be replaced were packed neatly into boxes and placed in the guest closet of Owen’s mother’s house until they were ready to be shipped overseas. </p>
<p>Along with many books and records that were dear to her, Jamie’s beloved truck had to be left behind as well. As much as she didn’t want to say goodbye to it, the gardener insisted that Owen try to sell it for a fair price. And if it didn’t sell by the time they were settled in Vermont, they would have it shipped across the ocean in a container with the rest of her things. They’d lead that one up to fate. </p>
<p>And before the sun could set over Bly, they were packed into Owen’s car for the drive back to London. How the time managed to pass so slowly, but seemed to move so fast at the same time was confusing to say the least. It seemed like it took forever to get to their London hotel. But looking back at the time they’d spent on the road, it seemed like it had flown by. </p>
<p>Saying goodbye to Owen when he dropped them off seemed to hit Jamie the hardest. Flora still had the youthful hope that she would see him again soon, but Jamie, older and wiser, knew that it would be a while before they would see each other. And it seemed to really sink in that she would be leaving England for the very first time in her near-thirty years. </p>
<p>Jamie seemed to be in a funk from that point on. Though she continued to tell Dani that she was fine whenever she asked. It was so out of character for Jamie to keep her feelings to herself, especially when something was bothering her. But it didn’t start to make sense to the au pair until they set foot on the airplane two days later. </p>
<p>
  <em>“Can I have the seat by the window?” Flora was giddy, bouncing on her toes as they reached their little row of seats on the plane.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Is that okay with you?” the blonde looked to Jamie, who had been stiffly tense the whole day. She had probably smoked half a pack of cigarettes at the smoking section by their gate when they were waiting to board.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“As long as I get the one farthest from the window,” she shook her head, glancing around nervously at the other passengers.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Realization seemed to strike Dani like a freight train in that moment. She already knew that Jamie was afraid of heights, but for some reason, she didn’t stop to think that flying would be a problem. Fear of heights and fear of flying were always two completely separate concepts in her mind.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Jamie—”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You’re taking the middle seat, then?” the gardener’s shoulders were practically hunched to her ears as she faked a smile, watching Dani place her bag in the overhead bin.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Nodding, the blonde just smiled and eased into her seat, pressing her lips into a straight line when Jamie plopped down beside her. Flora was too distracted to notice, already getting a few coloring books out of her backpack with some crayons.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t okay with flying? We could have taken a boat or something,” Dani leaned in to whisper in her ear, though with other passengers walking by their seat every two seconds, she couldn’t get as close as she wanted to. She couldn’t hold her hand or give her leg a reassuring rub like she normally would either.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Figured I’d rather spend eight hours mid-air than eight days in the middle of the ocean. Lesser of two evils,” Jamie leaned her head back against the headrest, closing her eyes as she fastened her lap belt as tight as it would go.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“They serve alcohol once we’re in the air, does that help at all?” Dani offered the best news she could. Takeoff and landing were the scariest parts. God forbid they hit turbulence at some point. But at least a drink would calm Jamie’s nerves a bit, maybe even put her to sleep for some of the flight.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Sighing, Jamie glanced over at her with what seemed to be more of a pained wince than a smile. “Helps a little,” she mumbled, though she still felt like she was going to throw up at any minute. If she already felt like that, maybe alcohol wasn’t the best idea.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She just had to keep telling herself that if Flora could do it, then so could she. But then again, Flora was only eight. It wasn’t in her nature to think of all the things that could possibly go wrong on an eight hour flight.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But apparently when paired with the exhaustion from only getting an hour of sleep the night before, two and a half gin and tonics was all it took to knock Jamie out for a while. For six of the eight hours, actually.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>While keeping one hand linked with Jamie’s under the blanket she’d draped over their laps, Dani kept herself and Flora entertained as best she could. They played quiet little games, did a few math drills, and Flora talked the au pair’s ear off just about the whole time, asking questions about America and what would happen when they got there.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I thought we were going to Vermont,” Flora’s eyebrows knit together in confusion.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“We are,” Dani nodded, “But the next flight to Vermont wasn’t for a few days. So we took the flight to Boston so we could get there sooner.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“How will we get to Vermont?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Maybe take the train? That could be fun, right?”</em>
</p>
<p><em>“I suppose so,” Flora looked down at the activity page of her coloring book, daydreaming up all kinds of wonderful fantasies about what America was like.</em> </p>
<p>It was chilly in Boston. Lingering snow that hadn’t yet melted from the winter months wasn’t something uncommon to Dani. But Flora, thrilled to get her first glimpse of American snow, had to be held back from jumping into the dirty, frozen piles on the edges of the sidewalks on the way into their next hotel.</p>
<p>Flora was actually rather disappointed that America didn’t seem like the outrageously different new world she’d imagined in her head. So far, aside from the snow, the only difference she noticed was that the cars drove on the wrong side of the road and the people talked strangely. Stranger than Dani, even. But she welcomed it all with a smile, wanting to see it all. But yet <em>another</em> hotel room awaited.</p>
<p>
  <em>“That’s the name of a town in England! That one too! And that one!” Flora pointed to particular spots on the map, munching on a french fry from the tray they’d ordered from room service. A map of Vermont was spread out on the hotel bed, and they sat around it, filling their empty stomachs (airplane meals weren’t as filling as one would hope) as they worked out where to go from here.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It was dinner time on their own watches, but it was hardly even lunch time in Boston. The good thing about it, however, was that Flora could stay up “late”, which she loved, and still be asleep at a decent time. Hers was the first sleep schedule that would get adjusted to the east coast for sure.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Almost as if Americans can’t come up with anything original,” Jamie teased, nudging Dani’s arm with her elbow as she bit into her burger. Flora couldn’t help but giggle at the little jab.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Acting offended, Dani just scoffed and rolled her eyes, straightening her posture, “I may only be a <strong>teacher</strong>, but if I remember right, it was the British who named all these places.” She couldn’t help but laugh at the way Jamie stopped mid-chew, her eyes distant as if she were lost in thought, before shrugging with a nod of her head.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Touché, Poppins,” she deadpanned.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What about this place?” Flora interrupted their conversation, pointing to a spot on the map, “It has a star next to it, that means it must be an extra special place to live, right?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Dani hunched over the map, swallowing the too-big bite she’d taken of her own burger. “Montpelier? That’s the capital,” she mumbled, quirking her lips a bit to the side as Jamie checked the demographic information on the side of the map.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It was tricky trying to decide where they wanted to settle down. Neither of them wanted to live in a big city. It was loud and they usually weren’t safe. But they also knew how much it sucked living in such a small community where everyone was in everyone else’s business, poking their noses into their private lives. And with their...lifestyle, they didn’t want to make their lives any harder than it had to be. Especially for Flora’s sake, having to send her off to school where she kids could be just plain mean.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Looks pretty rural,” Jamie chimed, sitting up from where she was leant over, “Population’s just about six thousand. Not too little, but not a bustling city either. S’got a couple thousand on Bly, at least.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Dani nodded, thinking about it. A population of six thousand may as well have been a ghost town in America. Even the small town she grew up in had at least ten thousand people in it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Maybe we can take the train,” the gardener suggested, “Go visit and have a look around?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Can we please?” Flora bounced on her knees, nearly causing the shared tray of french fries to topple over.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Oi, don’t spill the fries, gremlin,” Jamie laughed reaching over the map with one hand to settle the over-excited eight year old down, “We’ll see about it, okay?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I thought you called fries ‘chips’,” Dani wondered aloud, picking two of them from the tray for herself.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The two England natives just laughed at the blonde’s cluelessness, telling her that the thinly cut potatoes they currently had were definitely <strong>not</strong> chips. “Dani, you’re so silly,” Flora giggled, her nose scrunched up and her eyes bright that the au pair was happy to see, even if she was laughing at her expense.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Hey, I’m not gonna laugh at <strong>you</strong> guys when you get confused about what things are called here,” she pouted, crossing her arms stubbornly over her chest.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Y’know, she’s right, sprout,” Jamie’s laughter started to die down, “We’re in her neck of the woods now. You and I are gonna be the ones asking silly questions.”</em>
</p>
<p>Time was moving so fast that it all seemed like a blur. Looking back at it all, Dani couldn’t believe that it had only been a week and a half since they’d arrived in America. </p>
<p>And after they’d settled at the inn in Montpelier, the three of them spent the day exploring the quaint little town. It had everything that a small town should. Little cafes and shops that lined the main street, a park with a playground, a few historical landmarks, and a community of people that all just seemed pleased to live in such a nice place. It was almost too perfect. If it weren’t for how genuinely kind the people around town were, Jamie would have said that the place was something out of The Stepford Wives. </p>
<p>It didn’t take long for them to find an apartment. It was a fairly new building, built to accommodate the growing population. It was close to the park, which was close to the school that Flora would be going to at the end of the summer. Just another perk.</p>
<p>The inside was perfect. Two bedrooms, two bathrooms was all they really needed. But it was the details that sold them. The overhanging lights in the kitchen, the reading nook under large living room windows, it all just suited them. They weren’t exactly picky when it came to choosing a place to live in town, but even if they were, this place would have been it.</p>
<p>Getting the apartment may have been easy, but furnishing and decorating it was the hard part. </p>
<p>The days were filled with gentle bickering over the furniture section of Sears catalogs. Whether it was color, style, price, they couldn’t seem to agree on any of it.</p>
<p><em>“I just want it to look nice,”</em> Dani would sigh with exasperation.</p>
<p><em>“It can look nice and still be comfortable,”</em> Jamie would retort.</p>
<p><em>”Why aren’t any of them pink or purple?”</em> Flora would chime in with her own opinion.</p>
<p>They managed to get mattresses and bed frames ordered, at least. But it was several nights of campouts in sleeping bags in the living room until they arrived, which Flora <em>adored</em>. Dani even taught them how to make s’mores with the marshmallows they toasted in the fireplace. The beds would be there soon, hopefully. Sleeping on the floor was starting to take its toll on the two women. </p>
<p>But, beds or not, couch or not, it was all slowly coming together. </p>
<p>Separating the newly cleaned silverware they’d just bought into the designated drawer, Dani looked over the kitchen counter at where Jamie and Flora were practically hanging out the living room window, tending to the little flower boxes that Jamie had just installed. She didn’t have a full garden or even a lot of space to work with, but a few houseplants would suffice for the time being.</p>
<p>“Just sprinkle a few seeds into each hole you’ve poked in the soil...there you go,” she could hear Jamie’s gentle voice instruct Flora on how to get the little daffodil seeds started in the soil they’d packed into the flower boxes. </p>
<p>Dani really was going to have to invest in a camera. Because moments like this, seeing Flora in her new pair of pink overalls and kids sized gardening gloves, so eager to work with Jamie to make their new apartment into a home...these were memories she wanted to keep forever. Along with so many others.</p>
<p>“Careful, not too much water...good job,” Jamie’s voice, like a warm blanket, flowed through the space again, making Dani set aside whatever anxieties that were running tirelessly through her mind. Getting Flora into the school district, finding jobs with stable income for the three of them, getting insurance, a car, more furniture...none of it lost its importance, but it was all placed at the back of her mind for now. </p>
<p>
  <em>One day at a time.</em>
</p>
<p>And much to Dani’s relief, time was finally starting to slow down again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello again! we’re shifting into a new vibe of the story now as these three start forming more of a family dynamic now that they’re settled in vermont. there is a bit at the end where the M rating comes into play, just a fair warning. nothing too crazy.</p>
<p>also thank you all for your comments on the last chapter, telling me to stfu about my writing insecurities sfljsdflks i appreciate it so much and i’m glad you enjoyed it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I just don’t see why we can’t all go. Dani, it’s going to take you an eternity if you go on your own,” Jamie looked up from her spot on their new couch that they’d finally agreed on. The burgundy corduroy was a perfect mix of comfortable and stylish. And it fit the three of them perfectly for nights they would spend huddled together watching movies on the TV they didn’t yet have. </p>
<p>“Because, I just…” Dani sighed, fixing her sleeve from where it had rolled down as she wiped the last dish in the sink dry, “I don’t want to drag either of you into my hometown mess, that’s all.”</p>
<p>The topic had come up not too long ago. Dani had been stewing on the idea of heading back to the midwest to collect some of her things to take back to Vermont and attempt to sell her house. Though, she knew that Jamie was right. That process took long enough even with a whole crew of helpers. And she was planning on doing it <em>alone</em>. Because there was no way she was going to enlist in the help of anyone she knew. They’d only ask questions. </p>
<p>Flora, seated behind the counter on a bar stool, slurped at her plate of leftovers from last night’s spaghetti, looking back and forth between her two caregivers. “How far away is Iowa?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, that’s another thing, Dani, it takes nearly a whole <em>day</em> just to get there,” Jamie interrupted, looking at the blonde from over the back of the couch, “Not to mention the time you’re there and the drive back? We probably wouldn’t see you for over a week. Two weeks, even?”</p>
<p>“Well, I was gonna fly there, a-and then drive my car back. Then we’d at least have a car here...” the blonde huffed, clearly flustered. She didn’t exactly have a plan just yet, she just knew that she had all that stuff sitting there in another state and she had to do <em>something</em> with it. </p>
<p>At first, the idea had come up to bring the furniture from her house in Iowa back to Vermont to save a bit of money, since she already had the furniture to spare. But the idea of bringing the furniture she and Eddie had picked out together into the home she was trying to create with Flora and Jamie just didn’t feel right. Not only was all that furniture covered in memories of her former relationship, but she wanted to make new decisions and new memories. She didn’t want to be reminded of Eddie every time she sat down in the living room. </p>
<p>“Okay, I can understand the car, but can’t you have the rest shipped here?” Jamie stood up from the couch and made her way to the counter, pulling up a seat beside Flora.</p>
<p>“That’s the thing. I’d need someone to ship it for me. I don’t—“ she nibbled her bottom lip anxiously, rolling up her sleeves again, fixing her ponytail, doing just about anything she could to avoid biting her nails from the stress. Thankfully, Flora was finishing up her lunch with one last slurped noodle, giving her a distraction. “You all done?” she smiled in the eight year old’s direction, taking her plate when she nodded back, “Why don’t you come wash your hands and go play for a little while.”</p>
<p>Flora hopped down from the bar stool and looped around to wash her hands in the kitchen sink, giggling as Dani wiped sauce from around her mouth. And once she was clean, she practically skipped to her bedroom door just a few yards away. “Dani, if you go to Iowa all alone, you’ll be gone a terribly long time,” she stopped in front of her door, turning around to face the two women in the kitchen, “I think it would be splendid if we all went together.” She didn’t wait for a response before disappearing behind her bedroom door, leaving them alone to talk it out on their own. </p>
<p>“She’s always on your side,” the blonde rolled her eyes with a smile and light chuckle, folding up the dish towel on the edge of the kitchen sink.</p>
<p>“Cause I’m <em>the coolest</em>, remember?” Jamie smirked and skillfully leaned over the counter to meet her halfway for a kiss that would have been more chaste had Dani not grabbed the sides of her face to keep her close. “Seriously though, Poppins,” she mumbled against pillowy pink lips, “What’s the problem with us coming along? You think we’re gonna judge you or something?”</p>
<p>Sighing, Dani pulled back, tightening her ponytail once more as she leaned her hip against the counter, “It’s not <em>your</em> judgement I’m worried about.”</p>
<p>“Worried about the small town full of gossips?” the brunette leaned her elbows against her side of the kitchen counter, twisting her lips a bit at Dani’s nod.</p>
<p>“I’m gonna have to face my mom...and Judy...and…<em>everyone</em>,” took in a deep breath. “I ran away from home like...like a petulant teenager. I didn’t tell anyone, I just packed up and left the country. And according to my mom, everyone has been <em>so worried about me</em> or they <em>miss me so much and want to catch up whenever I come back to town</em>,” she rolled her eyes as she mimicked Karen’s voice as she’d heard it through several phone calls. </p>
<p>“God, and she doesn’t even know I’m back in the states,” she pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to focus on <em>not</em> freaking out.</p>
<p>Jamie just sighed and got up out of her seat, rounding the L-shaped counter to join the au pair on the other side. “She sounds like a piece of work,” she mumbled, taking Dani’s fidgety pale fingers in hers.</p>
<p>“You don’t know the half of it,” Dani shook her head, “And I really don’t want you to find out.”</p>
<p>“Well,” the gardener started, idly toying with the fingers in her grip, tracing the grooves of her knuckles, “I haven’t the slightest idea what your mum looks like, but I can only imagine the look on Karen Clayton’s face when you come waltzing back into town with your girlfriend and the kid we’ve practically adopted.”</p>
<p>A rosy flush spread on the blonde’s face as she averted her eyes bashfully, unable to contain her girlish giggling. </p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Nothing.”</p>
<p>“Come on, what?” Jamie laughed, trying to keep Dani from prying herself away.</p>
<p>The blonde just shook her head, biting her lip in an attempt to stop her smile from spreading to her ears. “Well, for starters, I <em>could</em> imagine her face. And it’s pretty funny,” she pressed her lips into a tight line, still trying to contain her grin, “And second, you...um...girlfriend…?”</p>
<p>Green eyes widened as Jamie went stiff, as if she only just realized what she’d said. After everything, it was hard to remember that they didn’t exactly have a label on their relationship just yet. Especially not with everything going so out of traditional order. They were living a life that most couples spend years building, but they hadn’t even gone on a date yet.</p>
<p>“Oh, I-I, um…” the brunette stammered, averting her own eyes this time as she dropped Dani’s hands and stepped back, “Sorry, I just, uh…” She didn’t have time to think of much to say, considering warm lips were pressed back against hers in a matter of moments. Delicate fingers grazed the sides of her face and along her jaw while Jamie’s own hands found the loopholes of Dani’s jeans, instinctively pulling her closer.</p>
<p>“You’re cute when you’re nervous,” Dani pulled back just enough to giggle quietly against her lips, “<em>girlfriend</em>.”</p>
<p>With her face heated and her heart beating fast, Jamie just leaned her forehead against hers, unable to keep the smile from her own face, “Mm, call me cute again and I’m breaking up with you.”</p>
<p>“You wouldn’t do that.”</p>
<p>Chuckling, she shook her head in feigned annoyance, “I would if I didn’t already know that I’d be putty the second you turn those big blue doe eyes on me.”</p>
<p>Blushing, Dani pulled back with an embarrassed chuckle, “I do <em>not</em> have doe eyes.”</p>
<p>“Please, I might as well be calling you Bambi.”</p>
<p>Shaking her head, Dani just ducked her face into Jamie’s neck, too embarrassed to even look her in the eye. “Bambi wasn’t a doe,” she muttered, unsure of what else to say.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“A doe is a <em>female</em> deer,” she pulled her head back, chuckling a bit to herself, “Didn’t you ever see The Sound of Music?”</p>
<p>“Sadly, no. As much as I respect Julie Andrews, I think I only have the energy to see her play a singing governess <em>once</em> in my life,” she snorted a bit of a laugh, “But I’d say I picked the right one to watch, eh, Poppins?”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>xxx</strong>
  </p>
</div>Dani could get used to nights like this.<p>She was sitting up in their bed with Flora slowly falling asleep against her chest while Jamie’s gentle voice filled the room with passages from Charlotte’s Web. The story of the pig and his spider friend delighted Flora, but it was getting to a point where she couldn’t keep her eyes open much longer. </p>
<p>“Just one more chapter, please,” the little girl mumbled as Dani lifted her up to sit upright, practically floppy in her arms. </p>
<p>“We read three whole chapters tonight, sprout, I’m getting a little hoarse over here,” Jamie chuckled, placing a marker in the book to hold their place until next time, “And <em>you</em> can’t even hold your own head up.”</p>
<p>“I can too,” the eight year old mumbled, not proving herself very well as she slumped against the blonde’s shoulder when she was scooped up. Thankfully her teeth and hair were already brushed for the night and she was ready for bed. </p>
<p>“We’ll read more tomorrow night,” Dani rubbed her hand up and down her back with a quiet chuckle, carrying her out of the room with Jamie in tow. </p>
<p>Flora’s door was just down the hall from theirs, the main bathroom sandwiched between the two bedrooms. It was pretty much just Flora’s bathroom, since Dani and Jamie had their own attached to their bedroom. But Flora’s would also serve as the communal bathroom should they ever have guests. So they were working teaching her the importance of cleaning spilled toothpaste in the sink and wiping up splashes from the mirror. </p>
<p>Now that time was starting to slow down again, Dani found it much easier to relax and appreciate moments like these. Moments when it was just her and Jamie, tucking Flora into bed with their usual routine. Blankets were tucked playfully tight between the eight year old and her mattress, Flora’s stuffed bunny was placed in her arms, and kisses were pressed to her forehead with ‘goodnight, sweet girl’ and ‘see you in the morning, sprout’ uttered softly before the two of them would switch off the lights and close the door.</p>
<p>The very idea of moments like this used to terrify Dani. Not that she didn’t want children, but she didn’t want them with Eddie. She was the child of a loveless marriage, she didn’t want to bring a child of her own into the world under the same circumstances. But this was <em>so</em>, so different. And she loved that she could enjoy it without shame or fear plaguing her thoughts. </p>
<p>“You promise we’ll read more tomorrow night?” Flora yawned and rubbed her eye with the back of her fist, watching the two women who were seated on either side of her twin-sized bed. </p>
<p>“If you’re good,” Dani nodded, glancing over at Jamie with a smile before laughing a little, “Maybe I’ll do the reading tomorrow night, though. I think Jamie needs a break after reading eleven chapters five nights in a row.”</p>
<p>Flora just smiled, showing that she appreciated the humor even though she didn’t have the energy to laugh along. And with a tired sigh, her head lulled to the side, clutching her bunny tightly to her chest as she yawned again.</p>
<p>Dani brushed a few wispy hairs from her face and leaned over to kiss her forehead, saying goodnight before Jamie did the same. And as usual, once they said goodnight, Jamie turned Flora’s pink bedside lamp off, leaving the room filled with the warm glow of her nightlight before they got up to leave. </p>
<p>“I love you.”</p>
<p>The gardener and the au pair stopped at the sound of Flora’s sleepy voice, both looking to each other to silently question whether the other had heard it too. When they looked back at the eight year old, she was already fast asleep, but they both definitely heard it. </p>
<p>Closing the door behind them, Jamie leaned back against it, being careful for the ‘Flora’s Room’ door sign that the little girl had made herself.</p>
<p>“You heard that too, right?” Dani whispered, biting her lip nervously.</p>
<p>The brunette just nodded, humming out a quiet, “mmhm,” in response. </p>
<p>Biting down a little harder, Dani’s fists clenched nervously at her sides. She didn’t know why she was so frazzled over a few words from a little kid. She’d babysat kids who would say it to her when they’d only just met a few hours before their bedtime. She heard it from her students at the end of each school year. Kids were shameless and unapologetic when it came to love. If they liked you, they loved you. But like everything else, this just felt different. </p>
<p>“You okay?” she cocked her head to the side, watching Jamie who seemed to be just as deep in thought as she was.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” she nodded, “Yeah, it just feels…”</p>
<p>“Different?” the blonde offered up an adjective to help her finish her lost sentence. But the other woman just shook her head. That wasn’t the right word.</p>
<p>“Good,” Jamie muttered with a smile playing at her lips as she nodded, looking back at her, “Feels good.”</p>
<p>Tingly warmth spread through the au pair’s veins as she reached for her girlfriend’s hand, running her fingers gentle over her knuckles. She was here, taking every baby step with her. And the fact that the gardener had no intention of leaving filled Dani with something that felt like pure bliss. Gently tugging her away from the door and down the hall to their bedroom, she pressed her against their door instead once they were closed inside. </p>
<p>“You all right?” Jamie chuckled as Dani buried her face in the curve of her neck. </p>
<p>“Mmhm,” the blonde hummed, peppering soft, innocent kisses along her skin in contrast to how she had her so roughly pressed against the wooden door, “I’m just really glad you’re here. I don’t think I could do all this without you.”</p>
<p>Jamie smirked, tucking strands of blonde behind Dani’s ears that were as flushed as the rest of her face. “No, you could. I know you could. And you <em>would</em>. Told you that already, didn’t I?” she murmured with a voice so buttery smooth that it made her knees weak. </p>
<p>“Well...I’m glad I don’t have to,” she swallowed thickly, blue eyes flicking up to meet green in an intense stare before they were pulled together by sheer tension. </p>
<p>Foreheads pressed together as both of them seemed to lose control of their breathing. Warm, ragged puffs of air were passed between them. Jamie’s fingers were latched into Dani’s belt loops. Meanwhile the blonde’s own hands were reaching behind her to flip the latch on the door with a knowing, devilish look on her face.</p>
<p>“Poppins,” Jamie breathed out with a smirk of her own, searching Dani’s darkened eyes, “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were trying to seduce me.” Her voice was teasing as she chuckled low in her throat, somehow lower and more raspy than her voice already was, which only spurred Dani on more. </p>
<p>“I don’t know what you mean,” the blonde mumbled with her lips against Jamie’s sharp jawline, letting out a breath of laughter at the feeling of fingers teasing their way under the hem of her untucked t-shirt and onto her skin. Her lips traced her jaw from her ear down to her chin, leaving slow, hardly innocent pecks on the journey to her lips. And once she reached her destination, there was no telling when or if she would stop.</p>
<p>Jamie just pulled her in closer, grinning into the kiss that was growing more heated by the second. Her hands moved from the belt loops in Dani’s jeans to the soft skin of her sides under her t-shirt, moving them higher inch by inch until pale skin was exposed to the increasingly warm air of their bedroom. The woman in her arms was making the softest noises; Airy, high-pitched little hums of wanton pleasure. Noises that the gardener had gotten to know over the last few weeks. And she knew Dani well enough to know what was coming next.</p>
<p>“Jamie…”</p>
<p>
  <em>There it is.</em>
</p>
<p>That littlest utterance of her name told Jamie everything she needed to know. The way Dani pressed closer and practically whined her name into her mouth struck a too-familiar chord in her, sending static through her whole body. The gardener pressed and pulled a bit more firmly, trying to coax more of the intoxicating noises out of her.</p>
<p>With a tongue gliding against hers, Dani felt the tingly warmth spread even farther through her body, until it reached the tips of her fingers and the bottoms of her feet. Her senses were filled with <em>Jamie</em> all over again. Taste, touch, sound...everything was <em>her</em>. </p>
<p>She pulled the brunette off the door without breaking the fervent kiss for even a second, tugging at the buttons of her flannel shirt with haste as she blindly backed them towards the bed. And she’d never been more grateful to have a mattress to fall back on. </p>
<p>Working the flannel off Jamie’s shoulders, the au pair let out a series of needy hums and shy giggles into the crook of her neck, already fumbling around for the buckle of her belt. And Jamie, being Jamie, just kept <em>teasing</em>, keeping her movements slow. Tantalizingly slow. Whether it was the kisses she placed around Dani’s neck and jaw, or her fingers moving against her skin, moving at what felt like a centimeter a minute towards the clasp of her bra. </p>
<p>“Jamie,” Dani groaned, wiggling under the gardener in an attempt to move her hands or at least get her to move them faster. </p>
<p>But Jamie somehow moved even slower, smirking against the heated, flushed skin of her neck, “There’s no need to rush,” she chuckled low in her throat as she scraped her teeth against her pulse point, knowing the effect it would have. And like she expected, the blonde gasped in her ear as her body went stiff; Just for a moment, before she continued to wriggle and fight with the mechanics of her belt.</p>
<p>“There <em>is</em> a rush when I want—“ Dani cut herself off with a whimper of relief when the bra clasp behind her was undone, “—you.” She couldn’t help but breathe out a laugh of victory when she managed to get Jamie’s belt undone, but her fingers continued to scramble for the button and zipper as she turned her head to take teasing pink lips into her own. </p>
<p>But Jamie pulled back slowly, bringing her knees to either side of the blonde’s hips before taking her fumbling fingers into her own, easing them away from her. </p>
<p>“No...” Dani breathed, practically pouting as she fought playfully against her in an effort to keep working on getting her damn jeans undone. </p>
<p>“Come on, arms up,” she chuckled, attempting to coax slim arms over Dani’s head, taking in the sight of her face flushed and her hair already messed up and falling in her face. She raked the cornflower locks back as Dani raised her arms on her own with an impatient huff, reaching for her lips and the button of her jeans again after the t-shirt was discarded and the bra straps were tugged down.</p>
<p>The au pair lost her breath at the feeling of Jamie’s hands on her chest, thumbs grazing gently against her taut nipples. She never knew that being with someone could feel like <em>this</em>; Like your whole body was on fire after just one touch, but still needed more of the heat. </p>
<p>She was used to wanting. Whether it was a cute girl in her class in high school, or a fellow scantily-clad waitress at the sports bar she worked at in college, or even an attractive department store clerk that was just offering to help her find the right blouse to go with her skirt. Dani was used to looking, and yearning, and wondering what it would be like if she didn’t feel so trapped in her own skin. </p>
<p>“Beautiful,” she felt the gardener mumble against her lips, only making her movements more erratic as she tugged a black tank top over her head.</p>
<p>With Jamie there was still yearning. Still looking, still wondering. But now she was free. Free to want her, free to <em>need</em> her as she did now. That feeling of freedom was something entirely new; Something she’d gone her whole life without. But somehow with Jamie, it felt familiar, like she’d been feeling it all along.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>flex: i’m meeting amelia eve on saturday for a virtual convention. so if i don’t update by next week, assume i died.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello again! i survived talking to amelia eve but i’m dead.</p>
<p>tw for a wee bit o’ assumed homophobia in this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“How are we doing your hair today, sweet thing?” Dani shook Flora’s shoulders with a grin, watching the little girl in the reflection of her bathroom mirror. </p>
<p>“Like yours, please,” Flora grinned back at her in the mirror’s reflection, handing her the hairbrush and blue scrunchie. It wasn’t an uncommon request. In fact, it was more uncommon for Flora <em>not</em> to request her hair be styled just like her former au pair’s. She even had her own collection of colorful scrunchies to match. </p>
<p>Dani just let out a chuckled “okay” before working on untangling any snarls left in the eight year old’s long hair from the night. “You excited to go out with Jamie today?”</p>
<p>“Very excited,” she nodded, brushing the hair of one of her dolls while Dani brushed hers, “Why aren’t you coming too?”</p>
<p>It was easier to not let her inner anxieties show around Flora than Jamie. The little girl was intuitive, but she couldn’t see right through her like the older woman could. “I’ve got some stuff I need to take care of here,” she sighed. It wasn’t a lie, at least. </p>
<p>“Like what?”</p>
<p>“Well...I’ve gotta call my mom back in Iowa,” Dani watched the brush glide through her hair with ease now that she’d worked skillfully through the tangles, “Aaaand I have to call the school so we can get you enrolled for next year. Just a bunch of boring phone calls, really.” No, her phone call with her mother was bound to be anything but boring, but definitely not something she was looking forward to. </p>
<p>“Disappointing,” Flora shrugged her shoulders, “Jamie said we would go to the shop to see if we can find a new vase for Mrs. Grose’s rose. I can’t believe it hasn’t wilted! Even after the long trip here!”</p>
<p>The blonde just laughed a bit, almost jealous of Flora’s youthful ignorance. Jamie had, in fact, gone out and gotten an artificial white rose to replace the one that was bound to die over time. Flora hadn’t noticed. They kept it in the corner of the kitchen counter in a tall drinking glass for now (either of them felt faithful enough that the petite glass vase from Owen’s house would remain intact through the flight). Flora could see it every day, but it was just far enough out of her reach that its lack of authenticity couldn’t be exposed. </p>
<p>“See? Told you Jamie would take care of it,” she smiled, smoothing down any bumps in Flora’s half ponytail before pressing a kiss to the crown of her head with a cheery, “all done.”</p>
<p>“It’s lovely,” the little girl admired her hairstyle in the mirror, lifting her doll up to show that all three of them now had matching hairstyles. “Dani?” she asked suddenly, turning around to face the blonde with a curious expression, “I’m sorry your mum isn’t very nice.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“You told me before that she used to be very cross with you when you were as little as me. Even when you hadn’t done anything wrong,” she watched as the woman crouched down in front of her, “I’m very sorry to hear that she wasn’t the kind of mum you wanted.”</p>
<p>Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, Dani just let her eyes wander around Flora’s face, wondering how she got to be so wise and well-spoken at such a young age. “It’s okay,” she breathed with a bit of a nervous smile, reaching up to cup her cheek affectionately, “It was all a long time ago.”</p>
<p>“Has she gotten nicer since you’ve grown up?”</p>
<p>
  <em>Nope.</em>
</p>
<p>“Kind of,” she can’t help but wince, unsure of how to follow up on her statement. She wasn’t about to unload all the grievances she had with her mother on Flora. Especially not the details; Like how Karen Clayton was a powder keg of emotional damage who couldn’t stay sober to save her life.</p>
<p>“Well,” Flora smiled, somehow giving Dani the reassurance she needed for her upcoming phone call, “That’s good, then. I would hate for her to make you sad.”</p>
<p>Nodding, Dani kissed her forehead and sent her off to play for a little while until Jamie was ready to leave. She had gone to shower not too long ago, so if she wasn’t out already, she would be soon. </p>
<p>With Flora tucked into her room with her toys, Dani made her way down the hall, knocking quietly on the door before going in.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to knock to get into your own bedroom, y’know,” Jamie chuckled from where she was standing in front of the bed, pulling damp hair out from under her bra strap. And Dani wondered if she’d ever stop <em>blushing</em> at the sight of her even slightly undressed. </p>
<p>“I know, I just...wanna make sure...I mean, I don’t wanna just—“ she huffed, frustrated with her own easily flustered nature.</p>
<p>“S’all good, Poppins,” the brunette chuckled low in her throat, making Dani weak in the knees. Thankfully she found solace in the gold doorknob that was holding her up. “Flora about ready?” </p>
<p>Jamie’s question brought the blonde back from her own little world where she was mentally removing every article of clothing Jamie was layering on. “Hm?” she shook her head as she was removed from her trance, “Oh, y-yeah. She’s good to go. Thank you again for taking her today, I just don’t want her to be around in case this phone call—“</p>
<p>“I get it,” she nodded, hopping a bit on her feet as she pulled up her jeans and that <em>damned</em> belt that Dani had struggled with so much just last night, “Although...can’t say I’m not a <em>little</em> disappointed at missing out on how loud your voice can get.”</p>
<p>The au pair just ducked her head to hide her already flushed face and embarrassed smile, unable to do anything else when she knew what Jamie’s smirk was really implying. </p>
<p>“I’m expecting just the opposite actually,” she tucked her hair behind her ear nervously, knowing exactly how the phone call was going to go. </p>
<p>Karen would start off sickeningly sweet, slip in a few subtle jabs at how Dani hadn’t called to check on her while she was there <em>all alone</em> in her childhood home, aging (gracefully, she would add, of course). And eventually, after some small talk, Karen would press her daughter with questions about where she had gone wrong in raising her, why she couldn’t be like the other lovely young married girls in town. And maybe, if she was drunk enough, she’d sprinkle in a few new ways to somehow blame Dani for her father’s death. </p>
<p>And as always, Dani would end the phone call with a hardly sincere, “I love you, Mom,” before hanging up, leaving herself to recoup and cry everything out before Jamie returned with Flora. </p>
<p>“You okay?” Jamie appeared in front of her suddenly, fully dressed.</p>
<p>“I will be once this phone call’s over,” she shook her head, rolling her eyes with an amused, but nervous grin. </p>
<p>“That bad, eh?”</p>
<p>Dani snorted a bit of a laugh, still pressed against the door, “Worse.”</p>
<p>“Mums,” Jamie shook her head and sighed, pursing her lips in thought, “Kinda glad mine skipped out on us. At least now I don’t have to deal with her bullshit. Seems Flora’s the only one around here who got a decent one and just look what happened to her.”</p>
<p>Biting her lip Dani just nodded and reached up to run her fingers over the gardener’s forearms, tracing her fingers between the moles and beauty marks that dotted her skin. </p>
<p>“Anyway,” she sighed, taking one of Dani’s hands to her lips to drop a kiss to the center of her palm and around her knuckles, “Guess we’ll get going so you can make your dreaded phone call. Wouldn’t wanna keep Karen waiting.”</p>
<p>The blonde chuckled and kissed her gently, letting herself get pressed back against the door for the slightest moment before leading Jamie out into the hall and down to Flora’s room.</p>
<p>“You ready to go, sprout?” the gardener leaned against the doorframe, watching as Flora sifted through her toy box. </p>
<p>“Yes! Can we stop at the bakery and get muffins for breakfast tomorrow?” the little girl got up to her feet, skipping towards the door and brushing past them so she could go put her coat on. </p>
<p>“Don’t see why not,” Jamie chuckled before turning to Dani with a raised eyebrow, “Blueberry?”</p>
<p>“Please,” she nodded, sneaking the most subtle kiss while Flora wasn’t looking. “And I want you <em>both</em> to put scarves, hats, <em>and</em> gloves on. It may be April but it’s still really cold out.”</p>
<p>“Weather said it was twenty degrees,” Jamie looked at her curiously as she slipped her own coat over her arms. </p>
<p>“Yeah, <em>fahrenheit</em>,” Dani couldn’t help but laugh at how realization dawned on her girlfriend’s face. </p>
<p>“Right,” she nodded, “That’s gonna take some getting used to.”</p>
<p>Flora came over and pulled her into a crushing hug around the waist, bouncing excitedly on her feet, “Bye, Dani!” she grinned up at her, watching as the blonde knelt down to fix her pink hat over her ears.</p>
<p>“Be good for Jamie, okay? Make sure you hold her hand especially on the sidewalk,” Dani told her seriously, though she kept the warm smile on her face before she left a kiss on Flora’s forehead. </p>
<p>“I will,” she nodded with a toothy little grin before looking back at the brunette, “But Jamie needs one too.”</p>
<p>“One what?”</p>
<p>“A forehead kiss!”</p>
<p>“Yeah, come on, Poppins. Think I deserve a little love over here, too,” Jamie grinned slyly, pulling her mittens onto her fingers.</p>
<p>Her face heated up instantly as Flora giggled, like she knew something that they didn’t. But she stood up straight and made her way over to Jamie, eyeing the devilish smirk on her face with an amused grin of her own before reaching up to kiss her forehead slowly. She lingered for just a moment, no more than two seconds before she reached up and playfully tugged the knit cap down over her green eyes, coaxing a raspy chuckle and a surprised “hey!” from Jamie’s throat. </p>
<p>“Make sure your hat covers your ears,” she muttered through a chuckle of her own.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>xxx</strong>
  </p>
</div>Staring at the landline on the wall, Dani tapped her fingers anxiously against the kitchen counter, trying to work up the courage to make the call to her mother. Jamie and Flora had left about a half hour ago and who knew how long they’d be gone? But thankfully Dani had given Jamie a window of about two hours. That would leave her an hour for the phone call, and an hour to calm herself down once it was over.<p>She could always put it off. She could always just refuse to ever see or talk to her mother again. As for her house, her car, her things, it was all just <em>stuff</em>, right? Who needed it? She could start all over and get new stuff. </p>
<p>But no. Even though there were things she didn’t mind leaving behind, there was still plenty that she did. Not to mention her house had to be sold. Especially since it was still being paid for. Same for her car. Plus, <em>someone</em> had to be the mature one between her and her mother. Sad that it had to be her, but it had to be someone. </p>
<p>Sighing, she pushed herself off the barstool and practically stomped towards the phone, taking the receiver off the cradle that was mounted on the wall. She was running out of time. With a deep breath, shaking fingers reached up to dial the ten digit phone number of her childhood home, waiting for the ringing to start before she attempted to stabilize her breathing. </p>
<p><em>“Yeah?”</em> a deep, male voice gruffed in her ear. That wasn’t what she expected.</p>
<p>“Um...hi, I-I’m looking for K-Karen Clayton, is she…” her voice trembled as she raised a clenched fist to her forehead, cursing herself for being so nervous. Maybe she’d gotten the wrong number.</p>
<p><em>“Who’s asking?”</em> the man on the other end asked in a way that Dani wasn’t sure was snippy or if he just <em>sounded</em> like that. </p>
<p>“Uh...Dani...I’m her...her daughter?” </p>
<p><em>“Dani...Oh! Danielle!”</em> </p>
<p>The blonde rolled her eyes. Why couldn’t anyone call her what she wanted to be called? She’d been trying to get people to call her by her nickname since middle school. But everyone insisted on ‘Danielle’. </p>
<p><em>“Yeah, yeah, your mom’s uh...well, she’s around here somewhere,”</em> the man chuckled, sounding much friendlier than a minute ago. <em>“Karen!”</em> Dani heard him call out into the house, though it was distant to her ears, <em>“Danielle’s on the phone!”</em></p>
<p>There was a bit of rustling on the other end as Dani twirled the cord to the phone around her finger anxiously, still wondering who the hell she was talking to. </p>
<p><em>“She’s comin’ now,”</em> he spoke into the phone again, <em>“I’m Frank, by the way.”</em></p>
<p>Before she had the chance to say anything else to him or ask him who he was, there was a rustling again along with a few distant voices. And next thing she knew, her mother’s shrill voice was ringing in her ear through the phone. </p>
<p><em>“Danielle!”</em> Karen sing-songed, sounding much happier to hear from her than Dani expected. Then again, this was the sickeningly sweet stage of the phone call.</p>
<p>“Hi, Mom,” she smiled, hating that she still felt a twinge of comfort in hearing her mother’s voice, “I’m sorry it’s been a while-“</p>
<p><em>“I’ll say it’s been a while, I haven’t heard from you since you called to tell me you got that job.”</em> There were the not-so-subtle jabs.</p>
<p>“Y-yeah, it was harder to get a call out, y’know long distance and all...There weren’t many pay phones nearby either,” she scratched at the back of her neck nervously. </p>
<p>
  <em>“Well, at least you’re calling now. How is the job?”</em>
</p>
<p>“Um, I’m not really at it anymore, I—“</p>
<p><em>“Oh. Well, that didn’t take long. Danielle, tell me you didn’t get fired. Two terminations don’t look very good on a resumé.”</em> Just like Karen to bring up her daughter’s first job. In Dani’s defense, she wasn't cut out for fast food service counters. One week working at the local burger joint and she was leaving the counter unattended while she had anxiety attacks in the broom closet. Needless to say her job there was short-lived, and not by choice.</p>
<p>“No, I-I—“</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m just saying since you <strong>insist</strong> on working. But Danielle, there are plenty of fine young men out there who could take care of you, you know that. You were the <strong>prom queen</strong>, you had all the boys chasing after you!”</em>
</p>
<p>She was definitely at least tipsy. Karen didn’t get nostalgic and emotional over Dani’s teenage years when she was sober. </p>
<p>“Mom—“</p>
<p>
  <em>“Oh, Frank, you should see the photos of her and Edmund at their senior prom. She looked so beautiful in the dress I picked out for her. I have your yearbooks around here somewhere, Danielle.”</em>
</p>
<p>“No, mom, I think they’re at my house. That’s actually why I called, I—“</p>
<p>
  <em>“Oh, no honey, Judy and I took care of that.”</em>
</p>
<p>Okay, she wasn’t expecting that either. </p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>
  <em>“Judy and I, we got together and took care of all that for you. We packed up your house, cleaned it up, and now it’s on the market. Frank is actually the realtor, that’s how we met, he and I. We—“</em>
</p>
<p>“You sold my house?”</p>
<p>
  <em>“Well, not <strong>yet</strong>, it’s still sitting on the market. But once we have a buyer, it’ll be sold.”</em>
</p>
<p>“What about my car? My stuff? Eddie’s stuff?” Dani held onto the wall as the room started to spin. Maybe it was a good thing. Now she didn’t have to go through all the work. But it would’ve been nice to know that they were planning on doing that.</p>
<p><em>“All your things are here with me, up in your old room. Judy took Eddie’s things, of course. And your car is here at the house,”</em> Karen explained through the crackling receiver, <em>“I would have told you, Danielle, but you hadn’t called. The last I heard, you were planning on staying in England until the end of the summer, at least. The bills were piling up, it was gathering dust, the neighbors were asking questions…We didn’t know when you’d be back.”</em></p>
<p>“So you just…” she took a deep breath, not wanting to fight. It was taken care of. One less thing to worry about. Her mother did her a favor. “Okay. Well...thank you, Mom. I appreciate the help.” Favor or not, the gratitude tasted bitter on her tongue. </p>
<p>
  <em>“Of course, sweetheart. Now, tell me, what happened with the job? Are you coming home?”</em>
</p>
<p>“Well, uh...that’s kind of why I called. I’m...back in the states.”</p>
<p><em>“Oh!”</em> her unexpected outburst made Dani flinch, <em>“Oh, Danielle, that’s wonderful! Did you just get in? Are you calling from the airport? Do you need us to come pick you up? Oh everyone will be so thrilled to see you!”</em></p>
<p>“No, Mom...no,” she shook her head, trying to talk her down before she got too excited. “I’m, um...I’m in Vermont,” she swallowed thickly, “I live here. It’s been about...two weeks. We’re still settling in…”</p>
<p><em><strong>”We?”</strong></em> Karen dragged out on the other line. Dani could practically picture blonde eyebrows rising on her forehead with intrigue.</p>
<p>“Yeah, that’s the kinda complicated part.”</p>
<p>
  <em>”Have you met someone?”</em>
</p>
<p>“Um...yeah, but—“</p>
<p>
  <em>“Oh my, maybe running off to England on a whim wasn’t such a bad idea after all.”</em>
</p>
<p>“Mom…”</p>
<p><em>“I know, I know, you weren’t running,”</em> the image of Karen rolling her eyes was so clear in her head. Then again, she was right. She <em>had</em> been running. But admitting it to her mother was the last thing on her to-do list.</p>
<p><em>“Well, tell me about him!”</em> she practically squealed into the phone, giggling through sips of wine, <em>“Where did you meet him? When did you meet him? Why didn’t you come home to introduce us to him when you arrived back in the states?”</em></p>
<p>
  <em>Him, him, him, him, him.</em>
</p>
<p>Dani pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling a headache coming on. </p>
<p>
  <em>“You know, honey, normally I’d be worried for you. After everything that happened with Eddie, I wouldn’t recommend moving on so quickly. Grieving...it takes time. Flitting off to start a new life with a new man so soon?”</em>
</p>
<p>“Mom, it’s...it’s been almost a year,” she sighed. And she wanted so badly to add on the fact that after her father died, she’d come home after a mere <em>semester</em> at boarding school to find that her mother had already found someone new for her to call “dad”. But calling out Karen’s hypocrisy wasn’t going to get her anywhere but deeper in the hole. </p>
<p>
  <em>“I know, but Danielle, that’s a year without him in comparison to nearly your whole lives together. Twenty years of the two of you being inseparable. That takes time to move on from.”</em>
</p>
<p>Suddenly her mother was a therapist?</p>
<p>“It’s fine, Mom. Look, I just need to—“</p>
<p>
  <em>“Oh, yes of course, tell me about this new mystery man. When do we get to meet him? What’s his name? Where did he...“</em>
</p>
<p>Every phone call Dani made in an attempt to have a normal relationship with her mother just reminded her of why she left in the first place. She was reaching the end of her rope as the older woman kept talking. That was just another hint that she wasn’t sober. Karen Clayton’s talkative stage started at tipsy. Sober Karen was practically a monk. </p>
<p>“It’s not a man!” she snapped, leaning tiredly against the wall beside the phone, letting out what she’d hoped was a cleansing breath, but it didn’t do the trick, “It’s not a man, okay? It’s…<em>she’s</em> a woman. She’s my <em>girlfriend</em>. And one of the kids I was an au pair for is in our custody for god knows how long. So we came here, to Vermont, to just try to live our lives and be <em>happy</em> and make things feel as normal as possible for this kid and ourselves.”</p>
<p>She had intended for that to be the end of it. The last thing she would say on the matter, but it was starting to come out like word vomit. She’d never been this truthful with her mother, and now it was like she had broken the dam that was holding it all back.</p>
<p>“And maybe you were right. Maybe I <em>was</em> running. But I was running because I couldn’t stand to be there anymore! In that house, in that state, in this <em>country</em>, because the guilt was following me everywhere! Knowing what happened to Eddie, how it happened, why it happened, I couldn’t handle living with the reminders!”</p>
<p>
  <em>“Danielle—“</em>
</p>
<p>“I didn’t love him, Mom! I never did! Not like that, not how everyone thought I did, not how everyone expected me to! And of course, as soon as I came clean to him about it, he died! And I’ve carried that around for so long, but I’m <em>done</em>. I could hardly live with the guilt, but now I have something else, <em>someone</em> else...two people, actually...who make me feel more at home than I ever felt there.”</p>
<p>Her breathing was ragged as if she’d just run a marathon, a fun little mixture of being out of breath and anxious as hell for her mom’s reaction to everything she’d just spilled. </p>
<p><em>“Frank?”</em> Karen’s voice was quiet and distant as if she had turned away from the phone, <em>“Can you go down to the basement and bring me another bottle of pinot grigio?”</em></p>
<p>Dani heard shuffling on the other end as she ran a nervous hand over the top of her head. But she heard a throat clearing on the other end and she knew that she was probably going to get the life ripped out of her through the phone. </p>
<p>
  <em>“Danielle…”</em>
</p>
<p>“Mmhm?” she hummed, leaning her head back against the wall. Might as well succumb to her inevitable fate.</p>
<p><em>“Just to make sure I’ve got all that…”</em> her voice lowered, but was surprisingly calm, <em>“You’re...living in Vermont with a woman and the child you’ve somehow, for some reason, decided to raise together...and this woman is your...your girlfriend?”</em></p>
<p>“Yep,” she popped the ‘P’ at the end, exasperated at this point, just ready to get the screaming match over with. Her body was so filled with anxious tingles that she hadn’t even realized the tears of aggravation slipping down her cheeks.</p>
<p><em>“And everything I knew about your relationship with Eddie...was a lie,”</em> Karen sighed.</p>
<p>“Kind of. Maybe not on his end, but...on mine,” she wiped the wet trails from her cheeks and wrapped her free arm around herself, “He was my best friend, but...I didn’t love him like that. But everyone expected me to, so I thought...maybe if I gave him a shot and stuck it out that I’d start to feel the way everyone thought I should.” </p>
<p>
  <em>“But you don’t, and you didn’t because you feel that way about...other...other women?”</em>
</p>
<p>Unable to hide a sniffle, Dani just nodded, though her mother couldn’t see it. “Yeah,” came out of her mouth so pitifully as she started to crumble. </p>
<p><em>“Not that one, Frank, the one with the green label,”</em> Karen’s voice was distant again, but it came back loud and clear not even ten seconds later, <em>“Danielle, I...I’m not quite sure what to say.”</em></p>
<p>It seemed that the conversation had sobered her up pretty quickly. </p>
<p>“You don’t have to say anything, Mom. I’m just...I’m coming to get my car and some of my things soon. You can leave them in the garage with the keys so you don’t have to see me, if you want, but—“</p>
<p>
  <em>“You’re coming here?”</em>
</p>
<p>“Yeah, at some point, but not for long. I just wanted to get my—“</p>
<p><em>“Are you bringing them with you? The child and your...girlfriend?”</em> the word came out a bit strangled as if she had to force herself to say it. But oddly enough, she sounded more hopeful than worried. Maybe it was just the connection. Maybe it was the pinot grigio. </p>
<p>“I wasn’t going to,” she mumbled honestly. </p>
<p>
  <em>“Well, I’d...I’d love to meet them…”</em>
</p>
<p><em>That</em> was unexpected. </p>
<p>
  <em>“What did you say their names were again?”</em>
</p>
<p>She couldn’t help but wonder if her mother was just drunk enough to forget all about this by this evening. “Jamie…” she bit her lip as the image of the brunette in her head eased her nerves, “And Flora. She’s eight. About to turn nine, actually, next month.”</p>
<p>This was the kind of conversation she wanted with her mother all the time. Conversations where she seemed interested in her daughter’s life, as controversial as that life may have been. </p>
<p>
  <em>“I thought you were nannying for two children.”</em>
</p>
<p>“I was, but, um...it’s a long story.”</p>
<p>
  <em>“Well...let me know when you’re thinking of coming. I can help with plane tickets and book you a car from the airport.”</em>
</p>
<p>“Mom, I…” she wasn’t sure what to say. This definitely wasn’t how she was expecting this call to go. She was still a bit skeptical about it. For all she knew, this was some weird daydream she was having while she was still anxiously tapping her fingers against the counter in real life.</p>
<p><em>“Just keep in touch, Danielle. It was lovely to hear from you,”</em> her voice sounded rushed and flustered as she hung up the phone with a quick, <em>“I love you, dear.”</em> Dani could only assume that Frank was back from the mission her mother sent him on in an attempt to get some time alone on the phone. </p>
<p>She kept the phone pressed to her ear, too stunned to move from her spot on the wall as she listened to the dial tone. In the last ten minutes, she’d come out to her mother, come clean about her true feelings for her ex-fiancé, spilled the beans about playing happy family in Vermont, and somehow managed to make it out unscathed. </p>
<p>Maybe it wasn’t the unconditional acceptance she’d been hoping for whenever this moment finally came, but she was still standing; Still breathing. Maybe her mom really was trying. Perhaps having her daughter gone all this time gave her the perspective to think that maybe having a gay daughter was better than having no daughter at all. </p>
<p>Seemingly alcohol-induced acceptance or not, the blonde was still shaken to her core at the idea of bringing Flora and Jamie along with her to Iowa. Meeting the parents was one thing, meeting <em>Karen</em> was another. Not to mention that once they’d set a date to arrive, Judy and Linda and Gwyneth, and <em>everyone</em> would want to see her. God forbid her mother told all the women in town about her <em>alignment</em>. </p>
<p>
  <em>Breathe, Dani. One day at a time. Deal with it when the time comes.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i’m so behind on writing this fic. i only have one chapter left that’s been written so hopefully i can get my ass in gear and write more soon. but if updates are slower, i hope you all understand. thank you again for all your nice comments &lt;3333</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i have 0 sense of direction for this fic anymore dndjdjdj we going with plotless domesticity from here on out y’all but eventually i’ll tie in stuff from the beginning like what happened with miles and all that. but if you’re here looking for solid plot this ain’t it anymore, chief.</p>
<p>also happy birthday to my bestie amelia eve!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It wasn’t exactly a department store, but the little shop on the corner of the main street of town had just about everything <em>else</em>. Knick knacks, trinkets, antiques, as well as a few hand-crafted items and Vermont themed souvenirs. It was a quaint little place that matched the tone of the town.</p>
<p>“Hey, how about this one?” Jamie spun around, holding a tall, skinny vase made out of polished clay, dotted with multicolored painted clay flowers that added to the texture of the piece. </p>
<p>Flora came over to inspect it, cocking her head a bit as she ran her fingers delicately over the decorative flowers. She was taking this task of picking out a vase much more seriously than Jamie would have ever thought she would. But it was important to her. Plus, they had two hours to kill. If anything, she was more grateful to be in the warmth of the corner store than out in the cold. </p>
<p>“Mm...I’m not sure,” Flora sighed, still inspecting the vase. It wasn’t <em>perfect</em>, “I just want to make sure it’s one that Mrs. Grose would have loved.”</p>
<p>Jamie just smiled and put the vase back before ruffling the eight year old’s hair through her hat. “S’all right, sprout, we’ll keep looking,” she muttered, taking her hand again as they glanced around the store. </p>
<p>“Can I help you find anything today?” a middle aged woman came up to them with a kind, welcoming grin, practically oozing small town, American hospitality through her pores. </p>
<p>“Just looking, thanks,” Jamie started, returning the grin with a quick shake of her head.</p>
<p>“We’re looking for a vase,” Flora chimed, looking up at the woman in the pink turtleneck in hopes that she could help, “A very dear friend of ours died, you see, and we kept a rose from her funeral so we could remember her. A white one! And we need to find the perfect vase to keep it in so it doesn’t die too.”</p>
<p>Jamie just nodded her head, wincing only slightly on the outside, despite how hard she was cringing at Flora’s bluntness on the inside. </p>
<p>“Oh, well, I’m so sorry to hear about your friend,” the woman crouched down to Flora’s level, sympathy shining in her eyes behind her horn-rimmed glasses, “Let’s see if we can find something else that might work.”</p>
<p>She stood back up and beckoned for them to follow. Flora grinned and let go of Jamie’s hand to walk beside the woman, keeping up with her steps as Jamie trailed behind, amused.</p>
<p>“My name is Flora. We just moved here from England,” she spoke so properly, wanting to make a good impression on this woman like she seemed to with all strangers she came in contact with. Jamie and Dani were probably going to have to have a talk with her about that later. But this woman seemed completely harmless. </p>
<p>“Well, welcome to Montpelier, Flora. I’m Darlene,” the woman grinned down at her as they walked before gesturing back to Jamie, “Is this your mom you’re with?” Thankfully Jamie was a few strides behind, otherwise they would have probably heard her choking on her own tongue at the question. </p>
<p>But Flora just shook her head, seemingly unaffected by the insinuation. “No, that’s Jamie. She’s a gardener.”</p>
<p>“Oh.”</p>
<p>“Like an aunt, I guess,” Jamie put it into the simplest terms as she could, noticing the confusion on Darlene’s face when she briefly looked back at her. </p>
<p>“Yes, that’s it! Like an aunt!” Flora grinned, nodding her head, “And we live with Dani. She’s like another aunt. She used to be my au pair. She’s American like you!”</p>
<p>“I may have seen her in here recently, actually. It’s not often I see people in here that I don’t know.”</p>
<p>“Flustered little blonde in a big purple jacket?” Jamie asked.</p>
<p>Darlene smiled back at her with a nod, “That describes her pretty accurately.”</p>
<p>“Dani’s splendid. She let me pick out my own towels for my bathroom,” Flora chimed in again, prattling on about her bath towels, “They’re pink with a few flower designs stitched in at the edges. And very soft.”</p>
<p>Jamie couldn’t help but chuckle a bit behind them. Flora certainly had a way with people, because Darlene seemed absolutely enchanted by the little girl. </p>
<p>“That’s so exciting! I hope you like it here. I’ve lived here my whole life,” the older woman grinned down at her as they stopped in front of another row of vases they hadn’t seen yet, “What about any of these?”</p>
<p>Flora stepped forward to inspect the rows of vases, keeping her hands at her sides and not touching anything like Jamie had told her to when they first entered the store. </p>
<p>“Hey, how about this one, Flora?” Jamie reached onto one of the higher shelves, bringing down a slim, maroon colored glass vase with a rounded bottom, “This was Mrs. Grose’s favorite color, too.”</p>
<p>“Oh, this one is lovely,” Flora gasped, running her fingertips delicately over the grooves in the glass design, “Can we get this one, please? Mrs. Grose would love it!”</p>
<p>Jamie held the vase up, smiling at Darlene with a shrug, “Looks like we’ve got a winner. Thank you.” The older woman just waved a hand, telling her that it was her pleasure with that American hospitality that Jamie found she liked more than she thought she would. </p>
<p>“Anything else I can help you find?”</p>
<p>“Think we got what we came for. Right, sprout?” </p>
<p>“Mmhm,” the little girl nodded, turning towards the woman they’d just met, “After this we’re going to the bakery to get muffins.”</p>
<p>“Oh, across the street? Tell Kevin I said hello,” Darlene chuckled as she lead them towards the checkout counter, “He’s the owner.”</p>
<p>“Would you like us to bring a muffin back for you?” Flora grinned, leaning against the counter as the woman wrapped the vase up in paper to keep it safe. </p>
<p>Jamie would have quietly (but politely, of course) mumbled a rebuttal, telling Flora that she couldn’t just go around offering to buy food for people. But Darlene had been very kind and helpful, it was the least they could do to thank her. As much as she often dreaded meeting new people and making small talk with strangers, it was what they had to do around here to fit in. </p>
<p>“Well, I appreciate the offer, but I just had an early lunch,” the older woman grinned, handing Flora the plastic bag after Jamie paid for the vase, telling her to hold onto it tightly.</p>
<p>“Maybe next time, then.”</p>
<p>“Thanks again for your help, missus,” the brunette offered her a close-lipped smile.</p>
<p>The woman scoffed as if she were flattered, waving a hand in her direction before she fished out a bowl from under the counter, “Call me Darlene, please. Flora, take a lollipop, honey.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh boy.</em>
</p>
<p>Jamie watched as Flora’s eyes went wide as if the sugar from the sweet was already flowing through her system.</p>
<p>“Can I, <em>please</em>?” she turned to Jamie with what could only be described as desperation in her eyes. </p>
<p>Maybe one lollipop wouldn’t hurt.</p>
<p>“Okay, but don’t tell Dani I let you have it before lunch,” she winced, finding herself falling victim to Flora’s puppy dog eyes as usual. </p>
<p>The little girl didn’t need to be told twice, as she was already digging through the bowl for a strawberry flavored candy, letting out a little “ha!” of victory when she found it. “Thank you!” she gazed up at Darlene over the counter.</p>
<p>“Thanks for stopping in, don’t be a stranger,” the clerk waved after them as they made their way to the wooden door that jingled on their way out. </p>
<p>Jamie released a breath of what seemed like pain when they stepped out into the bitter cold. Flora could hardly be bothered, as she was already unwrapping her lollipop, putting the wrapper in her pocket. </p>
<p>“Thee wath luffly,” the eight year old lisped around the sweet, holding onto the shopping bag with one hand, and keeping a grip on Jamie with the other. The brunette just laughed, holding tight to her hand as they crossed the nearly deserted street to get to the bakery. </p>
<p>As Jamie had figured, it didn’t take long to get a couple of muffins. And Flora’s little chat with the man behind the counter hadn’t filled up much of their time either. According to her watch, they’d only been out for about an hour. It was getting to be pretty close to lunchtime, though. </p>
<p>“Flora, you wanna stop in here and have some lunch? And we can bring something back that Dani might like?” she pointed to the little cafe that was just a few doors down from the bakery. The sign outside said something about tomato basil being the soup of the day and Jamie suddenly found herself starving. </p>
<p>Once she’d agreed, the gardener ushered the little girl into the cafe. Another quaint little place with tall tables and equally tall stools to match, as well as a few booths lining the walls. Not many patrons, but then again, it was a Tuesday afternoon. Normal people around here probably had jobs to be at at this hour. </p>
<p>“Hey, have a seat, I’ll be right with you,” a younger woman, maybe in her late teens at the oldest, called from what looked like a doorway to the kitchen. </p>
<p>Nodding, Jamie lead Flora to a booth that wasn’t too close to anyone. She’d finished her lollipop pretty quickly, so she knew the eight year old was bound to be a little chatty. The waitress would have to deal with it, but she didn’t want her to disturb any of the other customers. </p>
<p>The pair removed their layers and put them off to the side along with their bags, glancing over the laminated menus that sat on the table between them. </p>
<p>“I’m going to guess that you want chicken nuggets and french fries?” the gardener raised an eyebrow at the little girl across from her, chuckling a bit when Flora looked back at her, shocked that she had guessed correctly.</p>
<p>“How did you know?”</p>
<p>“Because that’s all you ever want to eat anymore. You’ve been away from Owen’s cooking too long.”</p>
<p>And <em>god</em>, what she wouldn’t give to be eating some of Owen’s roast chicken and roasted dill potatoes right now. She’d put up with a ridiculous pun for each bite, at this point. </p>
<p>“Sorry about the wait,” the young woman came back over, tying an apron around her waist before setting two sets of silverware rolled in paper napkins on the table. She seemed a bit frazzled, despite not having many customers to serve. Her red hair was thrown back into a messy ponytail and her face was flushed like she was in a rush. “My name’s Lizzie, what can I get you to drink?”</p>
<p>“Water for both of us, please,” Jamie turned to her, though she didn’t miss Flora pouting and slumping back in her seat at the answer. </p>
<p>“I wanted chocolate milk,” the little girl whined a little, kicking her legs gently where they dangled over the edge of the seat.</p>
<p>“You just had a lollipop, you don’t need any more sugar,” Jamie chuckled.</p>
<p>“Are you guys from England?” the waitress asked with a smile.</p>
<p>“We are and we just moved here,” Flora grinned up at her.</p>
<p>“Whoa, that’s so cool. I’ve never met anyone from out of the country before,” this Lizzie was definitely a teenager. Old enough to be out of high school, at least, since school was still in session. “Sorry, um...right, what can I get for you? That is, if you know what you want, I’m not rushing you, I just—“</p>
<p>Jamie couldn’t help but think that this girl and Dani would get along.</p>
<p>“It’s okay, I think we know what we want,” she chuckled, watching the girl visibly calm down as she nodded her head, sweeping red strands from her eyes.</p>
<p>“I’ll have chicken nuggets and french fries, please! With tomato sauce!” Flora spoke up first, eagerly.</p>
<p>“Tomato…<em>sauce</em>?” Lizzie looked between them a little confused. </p>
<p>“Ketchup,” Jamie corrected the little girl.</p>
<p>“Right.”</p>
<p>The waitress just let out a bit of a loud “oh!”, lightly smacking her forehead with the palm of her hand. Yeah, she and Dani would get along just like old friends. “Sorry, it’s um...it’s my first week here.”</p>
<p>“No, not your fault. Ours, really. Culture shock, I guess,” Jamie shook her head, “Different country, different names for things. You’re doing great.”</p>
<p>“Thanks,” she sighed deeply, letting her shoulders relax a little. </p>
<p>Jamie just nodded with a kind smile. Talking to people was getting a little easier. Especially when she had Flora around to do most of the talking for her. “And I’ll have the tomato basil soup and a club sandwich. We’re gonna order something for someone else later on to go, if that’s all right.”</p>
<p>“Oh, of course, of course,” Lizzie nodded, writing everything down with her tongue sticking out from the side of her mouth in concentration, “I’ll go put your orders in, they should be right out.”</p>
<p>“Thank you!” Flora called after her once the redhead sped towards the kitchen in a hurry, “Everyone here is so lovely, don’t you think?”</p>
<p>“You think everything’s lovely. And <em>splendid</em>,” Jamie just smirked, blowing air through her straw so the paper wrapper flew in her direction, making her laugh.</p>
<p>“I do not! I don’t like beetles, or taking medicine, or rainy days. Those things aren’t lovely. In fact, they’re perfectly dreadful,” Flora crossed her arms over her chest after failing to get revenge with her own straw wrapper.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>xxx</strong>
  </p>
</div>“Dani!” Flora called into the apartment, dropping her coat, scarf, hat, boots, <em>everything</em> on the floor before starting to run.<p>“Oi! Come pick these up before you go anywhere,” Jamie called after her. Her voice was stern, but not mean. She thanked the little girl quietly, kicking off her own boots and hanging up her things before following several paces behind. She could hear Dani’s voice coming from their bedroom, greeting Flora and asking about their outing. </p>
<p>“We met so many splendid people!” Flora was bouncing on the bed on her knees when Jamie rounded the corner into the room and leaned against the doorframe, only saying hello to her girlfriend with her eyes. “We got a vase for Mrs. Grose’s flower from Darlene, and we got muffins from Kevin, and we had lunch and we met Lizzie and they were all so very nice!”</p>
<p>The sugar from the lollipop had started to hit Flora not too long ago. Apparently the whole platter of chicken nuggets and french fries she’d eaten didn’t do anything to slow down the sugar rush. No, just Jamie’s luck, the high started on the walk home. </p>
<p>Dani just laughed and tried to calm Flora’s bouncing, looking to Jamie briefly before turning her attention back to the hyper little girl in front of her. “Sounds like you had a good time,” her eyebrows raised a bit suspiciously in Jamie’s direction, “Did you give her soda or something?”</p>
<p>The gardener opened her mouth to speak, but she was beaten to the punch by Flora once again. </p>
<p>“Darlene offered me a lollipop! It was strawberry! If she didn’t have strawberry, I was going to pick cherry. And if she didn’t have cherry, I was going to pick green apple. Or grape. And we brought you lunch! Jamie asked what I think you would like and I said you would probably like a cheeseburger with french fries, so that’s what we brought you! It might be a bit cold now because it’s so cold outside, but Lizzie wrapped it all up in aluminum foil for you, I can go get it if you’d—“</p>
<p>“Okay,” Jamie chuckled and lifted her up by her underarms, setting her down on her feet, “Why don’t you go wash your hands and go play for a little while.” The chatty girl didn’t need to be told twice, thankfully. She just bolted out the door and rounded the corner. </p>
<p>“Yeah, I may have let her have a lollipop before lunch. Didn’t think it would have <em>this</em> much of an effect on her,” the brunette snorted a light laugh and moved across the room, greeting her girlfriend with a smiling kiss and sitting beside her, “How’d your phone call go?”</p>
<p>“Well, I called the school,” the au pair swallowed thickly, laying back against the mattress with her own fingers raking through her hair, “It’s obviously too late in the school year to enroll Flora, but they said we can bring her in over the summer for an evaluation and grade placement. That way they can also take some information now to get a jump start and put her into the system.”</p>
<p>“What about your—“</p>
<p>“And I asked them if they had any positions open,” Dani kept going, avoiding the question she knew Jamie was going to ask, “There’s no full-time teaching positions available, but they’re a little short on substitutes, so they said we could talk whenever I go to bring in Flora’s records sometime next week.”</p>
<p>“Dani,” Jamie leaned down and rested a hand on her side where her t-shirt had ridden up. But she sighed inwardly. It was pretty clear that Dani didn’t want to talk about how the conversation with her mom had gone. She could respect that and just drop it for now. “That’s...that’s great. Really, that’s terrific. That’s what you wanted, yeah?”</p>
<p>Nodding, the blonde just stared up at the ceiling, taking a deep breath. “My mom knows,” she blurted into the silence.</p>
<p>“Knows…?” Jamie propped up on her elbow, staring down at her, “That you’re back in the states?”</p>
<p>“Everything,” a shaky breath accompanied the word she dragged out with each syllable, “About you, about Flora, about…about me…”</p>
<p>With her heart dropping heavily to her stomach, Jamie’s jaw slacked a bit as she processed what Dani had said. It was certainly unexpected. The truth was going to have to come out at some point. She just didn’t expect it to be so soon. And by the looks of her, Dani didn’t either. </p>
<p>“What, um...what did she say?” she asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.</p>
<p>“She wants me to bring you guys with me to Iowa,” Dani deadpanned, still staring up at the ceiling, practically catatonic when she wasn’t speaking, “She offered to buy our plane tickets and rent us a car.”</p>
<p>“Uhh…” Jamie was at a loss for words as she ran a hand through her curls, “Shit.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>It was silent between them for a while. Dani, still trying to process the whole phone call, and Jamie still chewing on the fact that Dani had really told her mother everything. She knew her girlfriend had been nervous about letting her mom know that she was back in the country; knowing that she would be pressured and questioned about when she was coming home and why she hadn’t yet. But she really didn’t expect to come back to the apartment to hear that Dani had told her mother so much more. </p>
<p>“Want me to leave you alone?” Jamie offered quietly, fully prepared to leave the room for the time being until Dani could gather her thoughts. But the blonde just shook her head, rolling onto her side and burying her face in the crook of her neck instead. Dani’s pale fingers gripped at the back of her shirt in an attempt to pull her close and <em>keep</em> her close, and Jamie just let her melt into her, kissing her temple and the shell of her ear as she held her tight.</p>
<p>It took a few minutes of silent back rubs to calm labored breaths, a few minutes of soothing pecks along warm skin with whispers of reassurance, but Dani finally spoke again.</p>
<p>“I don’t know why I’m so freaked out,” she shook her head, pulling back from Jamie’s neck with a reddened face, “She seemed...supportive enough. <em>Really</em> supportive, actually. In comparison to what I was expecting. But...I dunno, I can’t help but feel like it’s some kind of cruel trick, y’know?”</p>
<p>Jamie nodded, still rubbing her back as they laid together in the quiet room. “Too good to be true. I get it.”</p>
<p>“A lot of things feel too good to be true lately, but…” Dani trailed off, shaking her head as she chewed her bottom lip anxiously, “With her it’s different. I don’t…”</p>
<p>“Hey, it’s okay. I understand,” Jamie pressed a kiss to the worry lines between her eyebrows, though it didn’t do much to smooth them down, “Whatever happens, we’ll deal with it. That’s what we’ve been doing all this time, haven’t we?”</p>
<p>Dani just nodded her head, swallowing thickly as she pressed herself to Jamie again, letting herself just be comforted for the moment. Though, the quiet moment was interrupted by the loud bubbling growl from her stomach. </p>
<p>“Right. Lunch,” Jamie chuckled, pecking one last kiss to her head before untangling herself and getting up, stopping Dani from doing the same. “I’ll bring it to you,” she smiled, leaning down for one last kiss after a soft “thank you” from the blonde. </p>
<p>Stepping out of the room, Jamie made her way to the kitchen and plucked the paper bag with Dani’s food off the counter, stopping at Flora’s door on her way back. She poked her head in to check on her, unable to help the snort of laughter that escaped her lips at the sight of the little girl passed out amongst her toys on the floor, having finally hit her sugar crash.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i should have the next chapter posted next week! i won’t forget this time now that my camp fic is ending. thank you all for your patience and understanding! ❤️</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello again! </p>
<p>i’ll be honest, i’m not a fan of this chapter. i probably won’t be a fan of the next one or any of the ones to come until i really get my muse back lol i lost it somewhere along the way. i think it’s the lack of plot. i lack direction. but i’ll let y’all be the judge of it.</p>
<p>there is a tw for not so subtle homophobia involving parents in this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I don’t think I can do this,” Dani mumbled as she held tightly to the seatbelt buckle of her airplane seat, white-knuckled and shaking. She was considering calling the whole thing off. She really didn’t <em>need</em> her stuff from home. And her mom would understand if she changed her mind, right?</p>
<p>
  <em>Wrong. So wrong.</em>
</p>
<p>The only one who seemed to be looking forward to this more than Karen was Flora. If you could even say Karen was looking forward to it. Every conversation Dani had with her mom over the past three weeks had been...uncomfortable, to say the least. Like Karen was forcing herself to accept her daughter’s lifestyle. And Dani was always just reminded that love from her mom was never unconditional. </p>
<p>But she had to keep reminding herself that it could be much worse. At least her mom was trying. She’d even gotten Flora an early birthday gift, since the little girl’s ninth birthday was just a week away. She didn’t have a lot to say when it came to Jamie, though. If the brunette was ever brought up, Karen was coincidentally rendered speechless every time, or she would conveniently change the subject.</p>
<p>“It’ll be all right,” Jamie sighed from the aisle seat beside her, Flora was taking up the window seat on Dani’s other side, “Worst case, we get the car keys first. That way we can bolt right back here if necessary.”</p>
<p>Dani just snorted and shook her head, “Good to know at least <em>you’re</em> feeling calm about this whole thing. Last time we were on a plane, you looked about ready to jump out the energy exit.”</p>
<p>“Please I survived eight hours in the air over the ocean,” Jamie waved a hand with a smug grin, though it was obvious that she was still a little nervous about flying. But Dani appreciated the act she was putting on. “I think four hours over <em>mostly</em> land should be fine enough.”</p>
<p>Dani just leaned her temple against the headrest of her seat, flicking her eyes over Jamie’s face with a warm, grateful smile. She knew what her girlfriend would say if she told her that she couldn’t do any of this without her. Jamie told her all the time that she <em>could</em>. And as always, Dani would tell her that she was glad she didn’t have to do any of it alone. </p>
<p>“Seriously, Poppins, it’ll be fine. It’s just a weekend, right? 48 hours.”</p>
<p>Nodding, the au pair just sighed deeply through her nose, trying to calm herself down. The plane started to move down the runway as Dani took Jamie’s hand, holding onto it discreetly between their seats as she took a quick look over at Flora, who had her face pressed to the window. At least someone was looking forward to this.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>xxx</strong>
  </p>
</div>“Look at all the snow!” Flora practically screeched. The plane had started a slow and steady descent into Des Moines. And once they cleared through the clouds, they had a perfect view of exactly what Dani expected: brown covered in white; Dead leaves and mud amongst the snow that was probably still stuck to the ground from November. “Oh, it’s so lovely,” the eight year old sighed dreamily, making her former au pair chuckle as she wished she had Flora’s view of the world.<p>Jamie, who was only <em>slightly</em> more relaxed than she had been during her first landing experience, squeezed Dani’s fingers tightly, grounding and preparing herself for the rough landing.</p>
<p>“Landing’s not for another half hour,” Dani chuckled quietly in her ear, purposefully providing the distracting feeling of breath against her skin, hoping it would give Jamie something to focus on besides the memory of their <em>last</em> plane landing. </p>
<p>But the brunette just released a slow breath with puffed out cheeks, focusing intently on the headrest of the seat in front of her. “Just preparing,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“For the landing?”</p>
<p>“For all of it.”</p>
<p>Biting her lip, Dani just let her eyes trace her girlfriend’s profile, squeezing her hand tight and rubbing her forearm slowly as she pressed a slow kiss to her shoulder. She knew that the landing of the plane was probably going to be the least tense moment of the entire weekend. And Dani was hoping that it would just fly by as quick and painless as possible.</p>
<p>Not long after the plane had landed, the three of them were making their way up the elevated hallway and into the gate of the airport. “If you wanna take Flora to the bathroom, I’m gonna call my mom and let her know we landed. She said there should be someone here to pick us up at baggage claim,” Dani sighed as she adjusted to the feeling of her hand being empty again. She’d held Jamie’s hand for nearly the whole flight, knowing that during this trip, they’d have to keep their distance, even if Karen or anyone else knew the truth. </p>
<p>“Sounds good,” Jamie nodded through a puff of air, taking Flora’s hand, “Just meet us over there?”</p>
<p>Dani just nodded and watched them walk off, chuckling to herself as Flora asked Jamie if they would be staying at <em>another</em> hotel. She found a pay phone by one of the cafes and fished through her purse for a few dimes, slipping them into the machine before she dialed her old home number.</p>
<p><em>“You’ve reached the Clayton residence. We’re not home to take your call, but if you leave your name and a brief message, we’ll get back to you as soon as we can,”</em> her mother’s voice came through from the answering machine. She wasn’t sure why the woman still referenced a ‘we’ in the outgoing message, considering she lived there alone. Or at least she did the last time Dani had checked. </p>
<p>At the beep, Dani just sighed quietly to herself before putting on a fake smile, wanting to <em>sound</em> as cheery as she could, even if her mother couldn’t see the expression on her face. “Hi Mom, it’s about 4:30 and we just landed. Once we get our bags, we’ll be on our way. I love you.” </p>
<p>It was odd that her mom wasn’t home. Dani expected that she would be by the phone all day, waiting for her to call to let her know that they’d arrived. Maybe she was doing dinner prep, since she insisted on cooking for everyone tonight. Either way, they would see her later. And with a shake of her head, Dani adjusted the strap of her backpack on her shoulder and turned to head towards the bathrooms.</p>
<p>“Danielle!” a voice, all too familiar, sent a chill down her spine. And before she could even curse silently to herself or make a face, Karen Clayton appeared in front of her, waving her hands wildly as her high heels clicked against the tiled airport floor, “Surprise, honey!” the middle-aged woman pulled her into a tight hug, jerking her side to side with an eagerness that Dani hadn’t seen from her mother since...well, she couldn’t really remember. </p>
<p>“Mom, wh-what are you?”</p>
<p>“Oh, you really thought we’d make you take a cab all the way home? Danielle, please, what kind of mother do you think I am?”</p>
<p>
  <em>Well…</em>
</p>
<p>“Hi, Danielle. Nice to finally meet you,” a burly man with a salt and pepper beard greeted her with a friendly smile, pulling a bouquet of pink chrysanthemums from behind his back, “For you and um…” he trailed off as Karen awkwardly cleared her throat beside him.</p>
<p>Dani resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Instead she took the wrapped bouquet from him carefully and thanked him with a polite grin. “You didn’t have to do that. They’re beautiful,” she looked down at the flowers in her hands.</p>
<p>“Well I remember you told me that Jennifer was quite fond of flowers and gardening,” Karen grinned, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose with another throat clear.</p>
<p>“Jamie,” the blonde corrected her gently.</p>
<p>“Of course. Well, where are they? We have a birthday gift for Flora back at the house!”</p>
<p>“O-oh, they went, um—“ Dani stopped, spotting Jamie and Flora stepping out of the nearby restroom, glancing around for her, “Um, I’ll be right back.” Stepping away from the couple, she swerved around them and towards the bathroom with determination in her steps and anxiety shining in her eyes.</p>
<p>“Hey, we were looking for you,” Jamie smiled, “You about ready?”</p>
<p>“About that…”</p>
<p>“Those are pretty flowers!” Flora stood on her tip-toes to get a better peek at the bouquet in Dani’s arms. And the blonde watched her girlfriend’s eyes catch sight of them as well with a knit brow. </p>
<p>“Dani, where—“</p>
<p>“This must be Flora!” Karen’s approaching voice shot through Dani’s body again, causing her to close her eyes and purse her lips into a tight line, “Oh, isn’t she just darling?”</p>
<p>“Hello,” the eight year old smiled up at the woman politely as she approached, “Are you Dani’s mum?”</p>
<p>Karen dramatically placed a hand over her heart and sighed in adoration of the little girl, “I am. You can call me Karen. And this is my friend Frank. We’ve heard so much about you.”</p>
<p>Dani briefly watched as Flora held a conversation with the other two adults, but turned towards Jamie, blue eyes searching her face, though she wasn’t sure what for. But the brunette just stood there, as cool as ever, waiting patiently to introduce herself. And to Dani, it seemed as if Karen and Frank would refuse to even acknowledge her existence if she didn’t. </p>
<p>“And you must be, uh…” Karen straightened up after speaking with Flora, eyeing Jamie up and down as if to inspect her for signs of danger before stepping any closer. </p>
<p>“Jamie,” the brunette offered her a polite grin and a handshake, “Nice to meet you Mrs. Clayton. You as well, sir,” she nodded up at Frank.</p>
<p>“Likewise,” Karen held her hand limply for the handshake, like she was afraid or too good to give her a proper one; Something Jamie expected, if she were honest. But she was fully prepared to let whatever shit this weekend brought roll right off her back. She was just here to support Dani. </p>
<p>“Well,” Karen squared her shoulders and glanced around the little group of five, “Let’s go get your bags, shall we? I’d like to beat the traffic and get dinner started.”</p>
<p>Flora smiled and took the older woman’s hand, glancing up at her as she chatted to her about the flight and her dolls back at their apartment. That girl, as usual, would probably end up being the favorite of the three of them by the time the weekend was over. Worming her way into people’s hearts was Flora’s superpower. </p>
<p>The gardener nudged Dani a bit with her elbow as they walked behind Karen and Frank, sending her a reassuring smile in response to the blonde’s own apologetic look. “It’s all good, Poppins,” she whispered, leaning into her as they walked.</p>
<p>“Easy for you to say now, you’ve never spent an hour and a half in the car with her before.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>xxx</strong>
  </p>
</div>Dani had never been happier to walk into her mom’s house. Not that she was particularly happy to be there, but she was at least free from the car ride that seemed <em>much</em> longer than an hour and a half. Flora was lucky enough that she was allowed to fall asleep during Karen’s incessant chatter about new recipes or her book club. Dani and Jamie, on the other hand, were forced to listen and make conversation from where they sat in the back seat with Flora squished between them.<p>And to say that the blonde was close to kissing the grass of the front yard the second she escaped the car was an understatement. </p>
<p>It came as quite a shock to see that Dani’s childhood bedroom hadn’t been turned into a makeshift gym. Trophies, ribbons, pageant sashes and crowns...everything was just as she’d left it when she was last here. But embarrassingly enough, posters of Barry Williams, Donny Osmond, and John Travolta all were still hanging on the walls.</p>
<p>“It’s very, uh…” Jamie’s eyebrows raised slowly as Dani ushered her and Flora into the room for their last stop of the Clayton home tour.</p>
<p>“Pink!” Flora gasped as she gazed around the room that was just that. Pink wallpaper, pink bedding, pink curtains, pink shag rug.</p>
<p>“What she said,” the gardener chuckled and squeezed Flora’s shoulder before the little girl went to climb up onto the fluffy pink comforter of the twin sized bed, reaching for a teddy bear that Edmund had won Dani at the state fair in high school.</p>
<p>“Here y’go, Flora,” Frank came through the door with Karen in tow, setting the eight year old’s suitcase on the floor, “We put your suitcase in the guest bedroom, Danielle.”</p>
<p>“Yes, we figured Flora would be more comfortable in here with all your old toys and stuffed animals,” Karen nodded, gesturing around the room with a grin. </p>
<p>“Oh, thank you,” Dani smiled, surprised that her mother had agreed to the sleeping arrangement she had in mind without even speaking with her about it first.</p>
<p>“And Jamie, your suitcase is downstairs by the living room,” Karen turned to the brunette, keeping the big, fake grin plastered on her face, “Frank will set up the pull-out couch for you whenever we all turn in for the night.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Spoke too soon.</em>
</p>
<p>The room fell uncomfortably silent after Jamie gave a slow nod with a grateful smile, thanking the older couple for their hospitality.</p>
<p>“Mom…” Dani started, “She’s not sleeping on the couch that’s—“</p>
<p>Karen’s eyes just widened with her grin, reminding Dani of when she was a child at parent/teacher night. One word about Dani talking too much in class and Karen would get that look on her face. The one that told her that she wasn’t going to make a scene, but she would be in for a tongue lashing when they got back to the car.</p>
<p>“Danielle,” her mother’s shoulders squared up, the terrifying grin never even flinching, “All three of you are welcome to stay, but this was what we decided was most...appropriate.”</p>
<p>Dani bit down on the inside of her cheek so hard she was sure that she’d drawn blood. Her hands clenched into fists at her sides as her heart started to thump with anxious energy. Jamie must have sensed it. Or she just had impeccable timing, because her hand making subtle, soothing circles on the small of her back was just what Dani needed to stop the steam from coming out of her ears.</p>
<p>“Can you take Flora to get washed up for dinner, please?” the blonde mumbled, turning her head slightly to face her girlfriend. Thankfully Jamie just nodded, beckoning Flora over so they could head downstairs to wash their hands. “Thank you,” she muttered, just above a whisper.</p>
<p>“I’ll, uh...go check on the casserole,” Frank thumbed to the door, awkwardly leaving the room so the two Clayton women could be alone.</p>
<p>Karen broke the tense silence between them with a simple, “Danielle…” before Dani shook her head, closing the door just in case, “Now, be reasonable. I didn’t think it would be...decent...for the two of you to share a bed with Flora just down the hall. I didn’t want her to be uncomfortable.”</p>
<p>Dani’s arms folded tightly across her chest as she quirked a suspicious eyebrow at her mother. “Well, we do at home and Flora’s just fine. Are you sure it’s not <em>you</em> who’s uncomfortable with it?” </p>
<p>“Danielle.”</p>
<p>“We can go to a hotel, if that makes you more comfortable,” she challenged, staring the woman down. She was incredibly fed up with this trip already.</p>
<p>“Oh, please, don’t start acting like a teenager,” Karen rolled her eyes, “I’m <em>trying</em>, here, okay? This isn’t any easier for me than it is for you.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m sure this is <em>really</em> hard for you.”</p>
<p>Karen was silent as she stared into her blue eyes that were identical to her own. But regardless of how fast her heart was beating, Dani didn’t falter or cower like she would have as a child.</p>
<p>“This is <em>my</em> house, Danielle,” the woman’s voice was so icy that it managed to send a chill down her daughter’s spine, “I invited you all here because I want to <em>try</em>. But there are only so many baby steps I can take at one time. And inviting you back here with <em>her</em> was a very large step that I didn’t have to take.”</p>
<p>Dani bit the inside of her cheek again, eyeing every wrinkle that had formed on her mom’s face since the last time she’d seen her. “I want my car keys, please,” she mumbled, not breaking their eye contact.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“My car keys.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“So that I can leave with my family if this gets to be too much,” Dani told her honestly, swallowing the lump in her throat, “For <em>any</em> of us. I hope that you’ll be decent enough to not take your frustration with me out on Flora. But if you make Jamie uncomfortable—“</p>
<p>“Don’t be so dramatic, Danielle,” Karen scoffed and opened the door, leaving the conversation before she could be held accountable. As always, “Dinner will be ready shortly, please lose the attitude and come downstairs.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>xxx</strong>
  </p>
</div>It had been a while since Dani had slept alone. And her night so far had been just as restless that Wednesday night, wondering what time Jamie would arrive at the manor for her early Thursday morning shift. That night, her mind had been racing with typical anxious thoughts as they had been for several nights before. She couldn’t stop the embarrassing memory of the aftermath of their kiss in the greenhouse from creeping into her thoughts. And she just wanted to fix it.<p>Tonight, she wasn’t lying awake with anxious thoughts or painful, embarrassing memories. She was <em>angry</em>. Angry at her mom for treating her like a child, angry at Frank who kept pouring wine into her mother’s glass at dinner. And she hated to admit it, but she harbored just the slightest bit of anger towards Jamie.</p>
<p>Anger wasn’t the right word. Frustration was more like it. </p>
<p>She was <em>frustrated</em> with Jamie. </p>
<p>The gardener had insisted on obeying Karen’s rules. Dani had watched with hunched shoulders as Jamie made pleasant conversation with the older blonde as they put the bedding on the pull-out mattress in the living room together. Jamie had insisted on helping. </p>
<p><em>“This is a joke, right? You’re not seriously gonna sleep downstairs, are you?”</em> she’d asked as they changed into her pajamas in the guest room. Flora was already fast asleep in Dani’s old room and her mother and Frank were tucked away into the master bedroom. There was no reason for Jamie to actually sleep downstairs.</p>
<p><em>“I am,”</em> the brunette had nodded back in response, tugging a t-shirt over her head, letting it fall against the boxers she wore as sleep shorts.</p>
<p>No matter how much Dani fought against it and insisted that she didn’t have to, Jamie didn’t cave. She simply explained that she wasn’t trying to get on Karen’s bad side.</p>
<p><em>“It’s just for two nights,”</em> she had cupped her cheek reassuringly, pressing a lingering kiss to her lips and pulling back before Dani could deepen the kiss in an attempt to get her to stay.</p>
<p>So now, what felt like hours later, Dani stared up at the popcorn ceiling, willing herself to sleep. Like Jamie said, it was only two nights. It was pathetic, really, how cliché it felt to think that the bed was actually cold without her girlfriend in it. And it just reminded her of how much she dreaded being alone. At this point, she was even considering crawling into bed with Flora. </p>
<p>
  <em>So much for you preaching to her about learning to sleep on her own. Hypocrite.</em>
</p>
<p>Squeezing her eyes shut, Dani begged her inner demons to leave her alone for once. She stretched her arms above her head, pressing her palms against the wooden headboard as she gazed out the window at the full moon. Maybe she could just go check on Flora...and check on Jamie while she was at it. </p>
<p>Throwing the covers off, she straightened out her (Jamie’s) t-shirt from where it was twisted at her hips and tip-toed out of the room, raking her tousled hair from her face as she slowly turned the doorknob of the guest room. She could hear obnoxiously loud snoring from the room across the hall, and she honestly couldn’t tell who it was coming from. After a few drinks, her mother was known to snore quite loudly. </p>
<p>Padding down the hall, she pushed the door to her old bedroom gently, wincing at the slight creak from the hinges. Flora remained undisturbed, though. At least <em>someone</em> was sleeping soundly. Dani tip-toed to the bed and pulled the comforter up to her chin after replacing the stuffed bunny into her arms from where it had fallen to the floor.</p>
<p>After a gentle kiss to her forehead, Dani propped the door open a crack again when she left the room and made her way to the staircase. She remembered, from years of experience, which steps creaked if you stepped on them the wrong way. And she skillfully avoided them the whole way down, though she still tip-toed through the living room, only letting her heels touch the floor when she made it to the large area rug.</p>
<p>She could see that Jamie was sleeping when she rounded the couch and stood beside the pull-out mattress. Seemed that she was the only one in this house who was suffering. It was strange that the pull-out, as old and dingy as it was, looked so much more warm and comfortable than the guest bed upstairs. Then again, that probably had something to do with the woman sleeping under the spare comforter.</p>
<p>Biting her lip, Dani lowered herself to sit on the edge of the mattress, carefully lifting her legs up to join her girlfriend under the covers. And like magic, she was instantly warm, comfortable, and ready to sleep the day off.</p>
<p>“Baby, what are you doing?” Jamie’s eyes blinked open, her quiet voice raspy and thick with sleep, sending a chill through the blonde.</p>
<p>But Dani just pressed herself closer, unashamed of being caught sneaking into bed with her. “I couldn’t sleep,” she mumbled, lifting Jamie’s arm and wrapping it around herself so she could curl into her embrace, “I didn’t mean to wake you.”</p>
<p>“S’all right, I wasn’t asleep,” Jamie rubbed her back slowly, feeling tense muscles relax under her palm, “Pathetic, really, I can’t even sleep on my own anymore.”</p>
<p>Dani felt her girlfriend’s body vibrate with a light chuckle as she smiled against the crook of her neck, pecking slowly around the soft, warm skin. “I know the feeling,” she snuck a hand under the hem of her shirt, giggling a little when the brunette shivered at the feeling of her cold fingertips on her bare back. “You could’ve slept in the guest room with me, you know.”</p>
<p>“Mm-mm,” she could feel Jamie shake her head before kisses were peppered against her hair, “Not trying to cause any trouble.”</p>
<p>“Jamie,” she pulled back so she could see her in the dim moonlight, “You’re my girlfriend. She knows that. This whole...making us sleep in separate beds in separate rooms on separate floors thing is stupid. She wouldn’t be doing this if you were a—“</p>
<p>Warm lips cut her off quickly, though she didn’t mind at all. She just hummed contentedly as an equally warm hand came up to brush her hair back, tangling in blonde to hold her close. It still baffled her how she went nearly thirty years without this feeling. Feeling whole and complete just from a kiss.</p>
<p>“You...” Jamie pulled back, dropping one last peck to her lips as she cupped her cheek, “...are beautiful. But you’re insane if you think me going against your mum’s wishes is gonna do anyone any good.”</p>
<p>“She’ll get over it,” she mumbled, flicking her tongue out against her lips, “What, are we just gonna let her separate us like horny teenagers every time we come to visit?”</p>
<p>Jamie just shrugged, still stroking her thumb against the apple of Dani’s cheek. “She might come around next time, whenever that may be,” she whispered, kissing her other cheek so delicately it made the blonde swoon, “But I’d rather turn down another invite than not get one at all.”</p>
<p>Blue eyes, wide and curious stared back at her, wondering what she meant. </p>
<p>“I just want her to like me. Or at least not hate me for corrupting her daughter,” Jamie sighed before snorting a light laugh, “Let me get on her good side...okay?”</p>
<p>Swallowing, Dani just nodded, making no effort to get up and go back to the guest room. But judging by the firm hold Jamie had on her hips, it didn’t seem like she was in a rush for her to leave anyway.</p>
<p>“What time does Karen get up?” Jamie whispered, kissing around the shell of her ear as her hands crept under the Blondie t-shirt that Dani had on.</p>
<p>“Usually around eight. I’m not sure about Frank, but he doesn’t work Saturdays, apparently,” she breathed, smiling when she felt herself being pulled closer under the warm confines of the covers.</p>
<p>“Perfect,” the brunette just grinned against her ear, peeling back to kiss her girlfriend again, knowing that she’d be up with the sun as always.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>if i can manage to get my smooth brain to cooperate with me again, i’ll be back next wednesday :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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